My First Eviction Letter 12th May 2010
Let’s take it back a month. It’s April… there’s not internet and the housemates (especially myself) are not pleased. Then the shower busts. Landlord is reluctant to come and when he does he’s like it’s only my duty to maintain electricity and heating. That was the first sign I knew there’d be trouble in the future. The shower is working but not the way it used to. Before we could use it on full power and adjust the heating. Now on full power it makes me dance by alternating from extra scalding hot to extra cold. Not the way I like waking up. So I text landlord and he’s trying to get away with things. I’m busy waking up earlier than normal, as I’m helping teach meditation and yoga and stuff to 20 Somalian kids, when it is much colder. I’m texting him with lots of patience and explaining whats going on and why it’s bothering me. He’s like keep it on medium power now and full heating. But it’s not hot enough for me! I like starting a warmer temperature and slowing amping it up to steaming hot. On top of that everyday the temperature changes no matter how full I put the heating. So a few cranky wake ups like that and I lose it and text him telling him it’s the second time this has happened… third time we take it to court and play ball.

See the court bit was just to scare him right… like he wasn’t picking up my calls or replying to my texts unless I sent him threats. Well it worked a bit too well lol. He said he’s got the other housemates to bare witness and I’m like 1. That not what the other housemates tell me as they complain too. 2. I figured I needed a wintess so I have my advisor come and ‘bare witness’ for me. I understand BK can handle the temperature I mean this is a dude that was roaming in the house in his boxers in winter when the heating was not working. And anyway why am I paying the same about when the standards have dropped from when I first moved in. So anyway dude says he’ll come over and he doesn’t. Few more days same thing so I threaten not to pay full rent and he’s over in a flash.

Now the both of us are in the shower… he’s adjusting things for about 10 minutes to prove his point that I can get the temperature I want and once I figure it out I should always remember that setting. Umm… I don’t think so. First of all I don’t want to court the shower till it gives me what I want. Second I don’t want to stick to one main temperature. And finally … infact screw finally… there’s just too many things wrong with this picture. So I explain to him that I don’t wanna be doing all that as it’s wasting my time and giving me distress. Note: Distress is a hot court word. Basically it spoils the rest of my day then. And I even added that my ‘advisor’ has asked me to note down when it ‘distresses’ me and what the conditions where and what I tried etc. So I told him thats how it wastes my time even more… he gets a worried look on his face and says the shower is insured so he can call the plumber but the plumber is gonna say the same thing and he does not like the tone in my texts. I say the texts should indicate how much it’s bothering me so YES, please do call the plumber and get it sorted as it’s a landlords duty to do such a thing.

Kent and BK are downstairs laughing… well Kent mostly as he’s like he’s happy to be moving out as he had the same problems. I’m like why don’t you guys stand up for it. BK does this kinda work so he’s like I was gonna fix it myself but Landlord said it’s insured and bla bla. I figured the landlord was a sweettalker but avoiding your onus? I let landlord and housemates know that I was raised to fight for what is owed to me and this is owed to all of us (MLK stylie lol). So landlord agrees and says he’ll sort it out and I’m like much appreciated and even thought I said I wont pay full rent I understand you had a son last month so you’re kinda busy etc.

Then his true colours came and disappeared so fast like a peacock fanned out, slapped me, fanned back in and silently walked away with his beak up. It was pretty smooth and the only thing I didn’t account for in my ‘game’. He brought up the ‘advisor’ I kept refering to. I’m like he helped me a long time back when another landlord and the landlord ended up having to pay extra to fix up the house. He’s been sending me texts to the matter and comes over every now and then to bare witness right. Dude’s like oh ok. Then he mentions when I want to move out and I tell him I have not intension of moving out, I like the place, I cool with the housemates, etc, etc. All I want is the shower fixed so I can go back to not bothering you about my botherations and pay my rent on time as usual. Oh man… finally he’s like so you’re serious about this advisor. I’m like I told you, I fight for what is mine and will be on your case for you to do your bit. His hand is inside his jacket by now… ‘in that case I’m sorry but I have to give you this’.

TAN-TARAN!!! My first eviction letter. Part of me was excited about the eviction letter, part was like wicked I can finally look for a place in the South or Camden, and part of me was like what a hassle man! I like change but I had a schedule too and now I gotta put a few things on pause to look for houseshares again. So clever, asking me about the advisor, getting me to admit I like living there and then telling me to make the most of it for 28 more days. But we were both cool about it coz at the end of the day he does not want someone who’s going to threaten him and I don’t want a landlord that is going to be this reluctant and evasive. Baby or not, I can’t compromise on my rituals and necessities. Anyway I don’t want problems as this has disorganised my mindspace enough as it is.