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28th Tuesday 2010
Been falling asleep at 4am so waking up was a mission. Watched some great Google Tech Talks on meditation while packing. Crazy dump. Now I wait for the bus at the stop and was wondering why nobody was standing under the shade so I went there to put my backpack on the bench but it was wet and muddy. I just thought it was some kids standing on them. A minute later a car passes and splashes me totally. It all makes sense now!!!! But at the cost of my fresh combats! Ok can’t worry about this I gotta get to Victoria Station. Get weird looks on the bus but I’m too busy listening to the J. Cole Mixtape Viv had been going on about. Get to Victoria extra early so kill time with a meal, reading and good ol people watching while I wait for Sarojben to give me some parcels for the Ashramites. Get the stuff just in time to board the train… sleep till Three Bridges. Link with Suresh and wait for Katie to pick us up. Get a bad migraine. Gordon had prepared the fire so we keep warm and discuss AOL UK politics. After we had enough of that we get into a great meditation before an even greater meal. I went nuts on the cheeses and that lovely schtalin cake (spelling). I was going nuts with the ghee too on the breads, cakes… whatever I could put it on. Chill and chat before knocking out.
29th Wednesday 2010
Kriya. Katie drops us to Gatwick. Man Suresh had it all planned out… first time I set in the front seat right next to the door. Sleep till landing in Basil. Get busses and trains to Oppenau. Meet with Arian (French/Persian) or something like that halfway through. Shuttle to the ashram and sort out room, do some seva, hang and check out whats new. The internet room has become the fireplace and tea room, very nice and cozy. Lotttssss of people with laptops which I still can’t get used to but I’m glad to see most of those lappys were Apple Macs! Represent! Dinner, satsang… the Latin Americans went on strike with Guruji… they’re like no seva, no food, heaven is closed picketing style… having a tantrum asking Guruji to come to Argentina and places. Sleepy knowledge? (can’t remember). Chill with Justina… we normally chat on FB so first time I hear her voice and she sounds soooo cute man. Sleep. Man my roommate was very docile but a entertaining terror at snoring. I’ve never heard such random snoring… one minute he’s a bubbling brook, then from one animal sound to another… the funny ones kept me awake with laughter, the bad ones kept me awake with dread… like was he turning into a beast or something… what was going on!?
30th Thursday 2010
6am Yoga, brekkie, Kriya, meditation, lunch. Now I was on lunch serving seva so we get to go ahead of the queue to be in places but this A-hole doesn’t let me through… I was like I’m serving man! Then I realized it wasn’t even lunch break lol. But anyway he was an A-hole and over the week folks would be avoiding him like a plague. Even when serving lunch some things we could only give one big spoon till they requeued for seconds so he asked for more and I’m like not till you finish the serving I gave you. So he just stands there in the queue and eats it all then he’s like hmmm that was nice can I have some more. Anyway take a nap. We get back to our techniques and I buddy up with Simon… what a pleasant surprise. We thought the same things, had the same interests like writing and guns and sniping and indifference to football and not being a Gurupie (guru groupie) etc. Then we had the other 10 minute life story and I did that with an Italian German actress and my roommates wife. Man that couple look like twins and they’re both so docile and … special lol. I thought I’d try something different with the life story and try talk about some serious emotion, was hard to admit it but I talked about the love side of things. Dinner. Make friends with this French teen on crutches. I totally forgot to ask about his condition or get his contact. Satsang, knowledge, video, sleepiness. And we start silence! But then I had to break it coz I saw Nikita so catch up real quick… her sis Shivani is still the cutest ever man. Roommate asked if his snoring was bothering me and I was like hell yeah… I forgot my earplugs but will get some tomorrow. He was nice enough to give me his.
31st Friday 2010
Yoga… during the break it bugged me out that all these guys on silence were still using the breaks to go online on their laptops. I myself can’t get enough of the net but it was not hard at all to avoid the computer room. I mean like Enigma – Silence Must Be Heard! Anyway Kriya, book my Ayurvedic consultation. Meditations. Break… during the breaks it was usually the same… get some tea and try to get the best couch spot near the fireplace. So I’m chilling and this lady in a denim jumpsuit kinda outfit catches my eye… we go from glances, to stares, to smile… something interesting unfolds after that but I might censor that bit in the blog. Meditations. New Years eve dinner was a FEAST and sooo much cake and cookies and desserts and all sorts. Wow! And the queue went from dining hall, past the reception, past the tea room, past the corridor, down the stairs to the entrance of the Spring Hall (our meditation, yoga, etc hall). Satsang and skype it with India, party, fireworks (guruji said thats the last time he’s allowing fireworks, the neighbours can still do it but the ashram’s taking more responsibility).
1st Saturday 2011
Usual yoga, kriya routine. Brekkie. Jumpsuit lady gets me a tea ;o) I can’t stop smiling and kinda conflicted so wrote a note to the teach… something along the lines of the good news is I can’t stop smiling but it’s affecting my mental silence. See in one world I’m taught to escallate from look to touch, to hold, embrace… etc. While in AOL it’s to just be so after getting my thoughts together it was … go with the flow. Lots of hollow and empty meditations. With all that lovely food it was hard to feel hollow and empty ;oP Get in the queue for lunch then I realize I’m meant to be serving so get in my place. Seva, more meditations. Guruji sees some of the group and I knew his question would be ‘are you happy’ and then gives you a sweet/chocolate. It’s not like I’m unhappy or anything but I wasn’t gonna let him get away with it this time so I’m like ‘can I have the sweet first because my answer is not yes’. Then I handed him my note. It was a Mumukshatva thing. He’s like I’ll talk to you later but when he did get to talk to me the other group was already sitting in front of him… but anyway I’m gonna try what he said and see what happens. Folks discuss UK course prices being too high. HELLS YEAH! So I’d stopped smiling for a while after that bit and I get a note that brings it back :o) Oh then that A-hole was doing seva cleaning the toilet and he tried to make it look like he was swearing in his language kinda thing. More cakes and chocolates for the new year and some yucky tangy jam… don’t know what that was for. Dinner and washing seva… that made me realize how much folks were just eating and eating and what a huge scale operation running the ashram was… just the trough for the food making machine was crazy. Start satsang with Jumpsuit lady… from here on known as Alina but then I couldn’t sit on the ground too long and I wanted to drum away so move back. The love in this course man! It would anyway be too hard to even explain the love, joy, bliss etc… silence would explain that best ;o))))
2nd Sunday 2011
So many meditations before lunch. Alina requests eye gazing process I was gonna ask her for the same. Indian lady gave me a chocolate at lunch coz while we serve all the good stuff gets taken and I was eyes all the sweeties in the corner… very sweet of her. By now I’d moved my position in the hall and I was right under the drop down projector screen so all I had to do was lie down and see the knowledge cinema style (but in a weird perspective). This time though I slept through the knowledge… I think 1 hours worth. Usually the meditations and knowledge are so deep it happens and quite a few people were concerned that they couldn’t last through the the first 10 minutes of the meditation… but thats the process… meditation is meeting your sleep consciously. Dinner time and I was 2nd in queue so was so excited but then the main seva crew picked the first 3 and we had to help get all the food to the right serving tables etc. When I was in the kitchen I felt an intention to come back for a few weeks or months seva to see this operation and learn and all that. The head chef made this amazing olive bread man like bread with full olives in them and all sorts… genius! Finish up and have an eye gazing date with Alina. While doing it this dude took pictures of us and must have thought we were a couple coz he kept making us pose in different places and near the christmas tree. Alina and I were like we should take a picture while sitting on guruji’s couch. But it would be ‘frowned upon’ lol. Beat that djembe all satsang long… my hands were red! Oh and I did it in a ‘I NEED A BEAT’ T-shirt Viv gave me. Back to the weird snoring… I was in cloud 9 so I was laughing mostly.
3rd Monday 2011
This time we had to do yoga in pairs… it was so awkward especially coz I got a dude that didn’t wanna co-operate and then I see the 2 huge guys next to me in the same predicament. The funniest thing I’ve ever seen but at the same time realized how much the male ego can interfere. In my case I was forcing the guy to do it properly and he was like I’ll do it my way so then I was like fine I’ll just do whatever you do and entertain myself with the intertwining beasts next to me. Go for my Ayurvedic consultation… dude feels my pulse and tells me to stick my tongue out… just for a millisecond and then he’s like my constitution is so and so and just gave me a bunch of material to read and recommended some other treatments and things to buy. 40 euros for a 5 minute thing were I’m told mostly what to read and buy! It’s like some things are so hyped. Back to the processes… do the male, female model… Kevin and Keya or something like that. Go for a walk with Alina up the snowy black forest. This fluffy cat just comes and is sooo friendly… she was purring like Tasha and licking and biting my fingers. Awww moment ;o) Sit on the bench and just take the whole scene in including this angel next to me. Walk further up the hills and see some beautiful houses and trees and like Suresh, I wanna get a house there. Alina has this cute thing she does 3 sniffs in the cold. We get back to the bench to take some pics together and ask this lady to do it but she doesn’t know how to work the camera but turns out she ended up taking tons of pics. We saw some natural snowballs and the track they left forming. Names in the snow and someone didn’t exactly make a snow angel and looked like they had a big butt lol.
More meditations, we get to break the silence temporarily to say one word. Since it would be the first word it should have been significant but some folks said pizza or icecream. Hey thats what they want… I remember a time during Kriya I’d obsess about all the junk food I could eat… and womens. Yo… totally forgot one of the days we did the meditation in motion where we observe the pain and this time round I managed quite far till I cracked up. From where I was sitting I could see everyone and at one point it looked like the YMCA dance was on pose. You’re allowed to scream, cry, laugh, whatever… and boy did we crack. Dinner and some gorgeous dessert! Sit next to Alina with the djembe, the satsang was suprisingly mellow. And one lady was doing the dance class thing. Some amazing Havenu Shalom Alechem Jewish satsong! Photographer again. Now some might know there was a 2.5 million gathering for the 25 year celebrations… well now we have another one in Berlin for the 30 year celebration called World Cultural Festival (check it out http://www.worldculturefestival.org/AboutUs_AOLF.html). Watch those vids and all.
We were told not to totally break silence yet and speak only when needed… I had to speak to Alina and found out she’s not staying at the Ashram but 2km away and that she’s gonna walk alone… I offered to join but she might have taken it the wrong way and said she’s tired. But I’m like wait for a ride man… I want to chill with her and feel those extra soft hands and when she spoke… oh my lawd! Her voice, her Polish, I don’t know and don’t care what she said I just wanna hear it again and again. Chill, chit chat as little as we could and take pics and all.
4th Tuesday 2011 – Long Kriya. Breakfast. Bye Alina. Pack, bed sheets, etc. We were told to write about our experiences so I wrote 4 points. 1 – The best participants ever, 2 – Best food especially that olive bread, 3 – Pain meditation YMCA stuff, 4 – That funny pairing yoga that I never wanna see again lol. And 5 just a note to all that I’ll make a FB group for peeps to add pics and vids and link since we didn’t have enough time out of silence to catch up and chat and all. Then came the time folks are meant to come up in front and share their experiences… the dude with the funny haircut was soooo jokes. Talking about his first time and how he felt he was breathing in a cocktail of toxins that others were exhaling and the torture of being in a gas chamber. Note: I swore to my last silence buddy (Anjana) that I’d go in front but I couldn’t so my excuse is that everyone didn’t get to go coz we were out of time. Do the eye gazing process and dance and stuff. I belong to yous and chit chat. Do some filming for World Cultural Festival… we just had to say a few lines in different tones. It was weird… one director was like are you comfortable and that made me uncomfortable then the other one was like yeah just like that but more this or that. Some more of that gorgeous dessert before we split. Now the drive between the station and ashram has lots of twists and turns through hills and the drivers just zooming around shuttling us… the scary bit was they drive on the right so you’re even more freaked but it was all good. Have a satsang on the train and most folks were already chatting away… I was taking in the scenery and just took in more silence. Another train and Dorota was telling us how their satsangs are not AOL only which is the way fwd but to have that there has to be less course marketing. Get on the other train and these police with guns and all come asking for our passports and I had a mini deportation flashback but not worried at all. Bus to the airport.
Kill time for a delayed flight and we come to the interesting bit. Our cabin crew captain was gay and VERY feminine with the lisps and actions and THE WORKS. Suresh and I were sitting in front again so when the crew are strapped in they sit right opposite us. This guy sat in that cross legged position that I don’t approve of men sitting in… mostly coz I can’t do it as it ‘suffocates’ me. But the way he was sitting, his foot kept kicking me. That was one bit. The flight had 3 seats on either side of the isle. So it was Suresh, myself, french muslim mama, isle, her son or whatever, little girl and little boy. The kids were soooooo damn noisy and the mom kept blasting the dude to keep them quiet. I can’t help make faces at kids so I was making faces at the girl and that made her smile and keep quite for a while… then it did the opposite and she started crying so I just looked away when the guy turned his head to see the source of the tears lol. Back to the gay dude… I wish I recorded his voice or even him himself. So entertaining… reminds me of that gay flight attendant joke. (http://www.parasuniversal.com/2008/09/the-gay-flight-attendant-this-one-is-too-funny-to-not-forward-from-taz/) So while landing I couldn’t help overhear his convo about gay clubbing… apparently there is a word for a girl that attracts all the gays like light to bugs and how she got in a fight with a gay dude both hitting their handbags at each other and then she turns around to him asking him ‘am I winning’? Funny stuff. Land, trains…
5th Wednesday 2011 … busses home. Was soooo tempted to get a Sam’s 2 for 2 but I might as well stay in this space. Couldn’t sleep so watch Osho knowledge and stuff. And now I’m still sooo spaced I am going to have to get some rajasic and tamasic food to come down from this state.
- Second time I’m on an AOL adventure with Suresh and we’re such a good team… like there is no judgement, conflict, politics anything. Do our thing or do stuff together it’s such an amazing space. Seeing him do the seva in the Ashram reminded me of my first 2 times… this time round I just did how much I was supposed to and a bit. Otherwise you become like seva machines… no matter how tired you are you can’t help yourself… like your body feels like it’s tired and should get rest but… just a bit more.
- Apart from that A-hole there was a hoyden in the house too and she was a teacher I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Bullying people for fireplace couches and jumping or stepping over people and all. All the Stephen Clarke French books explain French women just like her… I was like can’t be! Very funny to watch.
- I think I’m gonna make silence an yearly thing now… once every 2 years does not seem enough. Though I’ll mix it with the proper hardcore silence of Vipassana where there is no eye contact, evening satsangs or using notes to communicate.
- It’s hit me that over the years I meet soooo many people that I feel an old connection with… I didn’t realize that till Dorota sorted my registration. She’s never been to London and I don’t think we met anywhere else but I remember her unique talking style and smile. Then that Jack Johnson dude… it’s become so frequent… even this thing were I’ll think of someone out of the blue and I know I’ll either bump into them or hear from them somehow. Serious man I’m not just saying it coz I’ve been on this course… I think a lot of people are feeling that way more.
- What else… ah I better get out of this spaced-ness got bills to pay :oP
Me – You are distracting me.
Me – You look very hot! I try not to look at you otherwise I will break my silence.
Alina – When everybody were singing and dancing I wanted to dance with you!
Me – We can dance after silence. It’s going to be hard for me … we can have a dance after cake. But we have to be serious about silence after wards.
Alina – From which country you come from?
Alina – Could I have a process looking into eyes? With you? I would like you’ll see yourself in my eyes … :)
Me – I was going to ask you the same ;oP When do you want to do it? After dinner in Satsang room.
Alina – You have beautiful smile! You should smile more!
Me – Thank you.
Me (at some point) – If they have satsang now can I have a dance? If not then when we finish the course?