Category Archives: Entertaining Stories

Parascapades

Mega 90’s at Metro City (Dr. Alban, Technotronic, The Real McCoy & 2 Unlimited) 17 March 2017

First of all the important bit. I finally got to meet one of my first heroes, my favourite producers and musical obsession DR. ALBAN! Has to be one of my most memorable days.

Now for the full story. My bro had gone to a previous Mega 90s event with other 90s starts like Haddaway, Corona, Blackbox etc. I just thought they were tribute acts so wasn’t too interested. Then find out it’s the real artists themselves! Oh well too late for that one and anyway it wasn’t Dr. Alban.

This time round it was and even though Prasheel insisted they weren’t tribute acts it took me a while to register. At first I was just going to book normal tickets until I saw the VIP option where you get to meet the star, 2 items autographed and photo op. OH YEAH! Back in the day I even mailed his studio to tell them I’ll leave everything even to clean their toilets if I get to be around the MD (Microphone Dentist).

Tickets booked an all but Oztix were pretty disorganised. Later on sending me an email saying that they’ll start at 8pm and on the day… LAST MINUTE sending an email staying the meet and greet will be at 6:00pm so be there by 5:30pm after artist finish their sound check. Had to drop everything I was doing to catch the busses and trains. Now where I live is pretty far and closer to farmland so had to wait a while for a bus. Usually the busses are small but since it was when kids finish school it was a bendy bus and packed full of school kids bringing the noise. My nose and throat weren’t doing too well since the day before so all the kids cooties made it worse. Oh well I can’t afford to get sick until after tonight!

I was still feeling bummed and Prasheel had opted for the VIP meet and greet to but he was going to be in meetings and all. Just before I got to Metro I blocked a van that turned into the back parking. Had a feeling it was the artists and IT WAS! Feeling like a groupie. I wanted to run in the back as I saw him come out! Anyway went to the front and looks like I was second there. Derrick in a wheelchair was there first to do a meet and greet with The Real McCoy. Now thats dedication. We chit and chat. More people come. Find out there are only 4 people up to see Dr. Alban which included 2 Russian dudes who just got to Perth that day. Reeking of vodka.

Gates open. I had planned everything I was going to tell Dr. Alban and instead of just pictures I’ll set the video on so it records a video and also whoever takes pics can capture that too. The non-english speaking Russian did a great job. Dr. Alban kept asking me which of his songs are popular in Perth but I was so gone I just saying the same thing. You can see his frustrated smile in the video. I was fanboying so badly! I even had to be reminded to get my 2 autographs so got my Straight Outta Kenya shirt signed. After the video was taken I just started jumping all over the place lol. Dude is still so built for a 59 year old.

Russian guys want to drink but it’s St. Patricks day so both the Irish pubs in Northbridge had queues. Take them to NBC for their drinks while I walk down to Utopia to catch up with the boys. I was still super early so go back to chill with the Russians and talk Ace of Base, Acapella, La Bouche etc. Back to Utopia with Vikas, Hems and Dilan (who by the way gave us the first Dr. Alban album… how perfect is this!?) Eat, drink, good company and chat. I’m still drying my underwear from the excitement.

Walk down to Metro. Meet Prasheel (we both used to chill and listen to these artists). The organiser told me he can get Prasheel to meet Dr. Alban before he performs so there was still hope. Prasheel gives me a tour or the stair maze that is Metro city. Chill and so glad Prasheel got his meet and greet. He requested Dr. Alban to play Let The Beat Go On.

Locals DJ Nick Skitz & MC James Spy get the party started. Did some awesome remixes of the 90s songs. Hard bass and live saxophone. NICE!

Dr. Alban is on first. He didn’t look too pleased with the sound and was pointing at the speaker a couple of times but otherwise best performance of the night and not only because it was Dr. Alban. Technotronic was next and as much as I want to support them for what they’re doing it felt like they were dragging that one main song for too long and then the other few bits not many people knew. The Real McCoy and MC Sar were next and MC still has that rough voice. They even got on the dance floor with the crowd. And finally 2 Unlimited with their dancers. The new lady singer reminds me of a skinny version of my crush LisaRaye McCoy. I thought the rapper Ray had gone to pursue his own rapping career but so glad to see him perform. Still so fast, live and gangsta!

All in all a great night with great company and I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve seen the inside of a club. The fact that I got to see these guys with the people I’ve shared these memories with from Dilan hooking my and my bro up with the music to seeing the artist with Prasheel who shares the same love since way back made all the magic. Oh and I got one of my longest wishes fulfilled, which incase I haven’t emphasised already…. ah you know it.

Doors: 8pm
Nick Skitz Set: 8pm
Dr Alban: 9pm
Technotronic: 9:30pm
DJ Nick Skitz Set: 10:00pm
Real McCoy: 10:30pm
2 Unlimited: 11:00pm
DJ Nick Skitz Set: following 2 Unlimited til Midnight
DJ TIMBEE – 90s Aftershow party – Midnight til late

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Table Top Sale @ Shern Hall Methodist Church June 11th 2011

Table Top Sale @ Shern Hall Methodist Church June 11th 2011

Since I’ve decided to move to Poland I need to ditch a whole lot of stuff FAST! And since I like trying new things all the time… why not a table top sale. Leave home and realise that the bus I need has been diverted so it wont be passing my way. Walk to the station bus stop. And see a while back one of my ‘mentors’ shared a method to help improve eye contact and I’ve been doing that ever since. Basically when you’re walking you look at the person coming towards you and you hold it for longer than they hold it kinda thing. Well that was not the way to go this morning coz I did that to this dude that looked like Xzibit. And ever after passing me we kept looking at each other. I don’t know why I was still looking but I knew he was ‘tryna ack somebody’. So he’s like what you looking at. I’m like I don’t know and I don’t know why. Well I didn’t say that to him… it came out more like… what are you looking at? Lol I don’t know the exact words but he come over to me. Pulls out a bandana and wraps it around his fist. I’m still like I don’t know why I’m not reacting to this. So I’m still standing there. He’s like you’re looking at me like you know me. I’m like you look familiar. And all the time he’s talking in the weirdest way I’ve heard. Kinda like Tyson but not so high pitched and with no eye contact and sucking his teeth after every other word. I couldn’t even debate if I should tango with him coz I work in a prison now and don’t want to take any risks. But at the same time I’m not gonna walk away. He stepped to me, he’s gonna step away too. So I get in a discussion with him and NLP it to a totally different frame. Still sticking with I think I know you. Until he was tired of saying you don’t know me and walked. Phew! I didn’t want no bandana marks on my face.

Get to Walthamstow Station and the floor clearing is doing his thing with his machine. If someone is in the way he just whistles and carries on. But this morning we have a specially dumb crowd. See he circles round outwards so say he started from the seats the next circle he’s make would be a bit more away from the seats and the next round even further away right? But these dumbasses move exactly where he’s gonna be coming in his next round!

Get to the Methodist Church. I was thinking there’d be a lot of usual Jesus or Bible marketing or at least some sort of preaching. NONE AT ALL! Hell after I set up I noticed a proper mix of people. Even a muslim family selling things. Nobody buying yet. Find a Justin Timberlake biography for 30p… thought I’d get it for Viv but he declined. One of the ladies next to me pointed out this dog that looked like it was wearing dentures. It really cracked her up and I still couldn’t see. I gotta admit… it was funny when I saw it. Finally sell my mobile, in Swahili, for 3 quid to a Somali dude. Same lady tells me that Somalian dude wants everything for free so watch out and don’t negotiate too low. Somalian dude comes back and returns the phone coz it’s got a 2 pin charger! Oh well sold it for 5 quid later.

Now this other lady behind me was a proper old mama. Just sitting there selling grandchildren merchandise. At one point she farted and yes I’m sticking with it. She did it and I know it in my heart and soul. I was the first to smell it and then the other lady. Other lady went to the loo and got air freshener. And the old lady is still sitting in her chair… everybody else has moved! Other lady got really pissed at started hinting to older later that people should go do that kinda stuff elsewhere if they feel the urge. And older lady was defending the farter… talking about oh it’s natural and people can’t help it etc. SEE it’s all pointing to her… she’s guilty! I should fart back! Hehehe.

Have a nice curry chicken and rice lunch. All these lovely old people working in this church. It didn’t even look like a church… more like a school hall or something. I wanted to get rid of stuff so bad I gave away some videos and DVDs right from the start till the end. Older and other lady are bitching about all other things. Give things away since everyones closing up. Towards packing a kinda ‘slow’ lady comes to my table, looks at things and asks if she can take stuff for her ‘boyfriend’ and she’s pay me next month. I was like I’m not coming back honey. She just kept talking about her boyfriend and how he loves playing PS etc. One of the frequenters gives me a look like that says I’m the victim this week. I didn’t really mind, poor thing wanted to talk and feel something. I felt useful.

So back to Walthamstow. I discover a new route since my main bus is being diverted anyway so explore it. I’m so glad I did. This muslim uncle was the driver and he was one of those happy noisy people. Before driving off he’s like ‘is everyone ready for the ride’, singing away and at turns he’s be like ‘hold tight!’. Give away most of the rest of the stuff at the British Heart Foundation. The lady was looking at me like why do you have women’s shoes. And then she was like you gave me all apart from that one pair. I didn’t have the heart to give those… I want money for those!!! Home, dump, gym. I’d cancelled my membership at the gym yesterday and wanted to confirm today but that stuck up receptionist Sunny is like you should have asked for this and that. And I’m like how am I supposed to know the procedures that YOUR STAFF ARE MEANT TO KNOW!??? Anyway gonna make sure it’s cancelled. So I have till end of July. Do my saturday hour of cardio watching Samurai Champloo… I’ve watched a few episodes and not too impressed so wont be continuing that. Get home to Adeel and Rihanna cleaning the kitchen big time. So I was like wicked things are getting sorted and the Bangla boys are not here so I’m gonna have a good night… yeah right.

Adeel and Tony (Bulgarian housemate) decide to have a drinking session. Woken up at 2am with pumping music and guys shouting. I mentioned elsewhere that I usually still stay in bed, open my door and request to keep it down. So there I am trying to tell them to keep it down. Adeel has stepped out of the house by now so when I shout YO, Tony thinks it’s Adeel and just shouts YO back. At one point he dances out of the living room and sees my head and freaks out. Trying to figure out why I’m kneeling at my door. I’m like turn it down a notch please. So he runs in the living room, Adeel walks in the house passing my door and sees my head too. He’s giving me a look like why is my head a quarter way up the floor and horizontal. I don’t know if I wanna laugh or cry or just funk it and join them.

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London Lovin 28th May – 4th June 2011

London Lovin 28th May – 4th June

Most pics on my FB album here.

Saturday 28th – Wake, meditate. Leyton station is closed. Stress thinking I’m gonna be late but by the time I reach Brent Cross for my Bus to Luton, I’m 3 hours early! All good I have my lovely ebook reader and watch Death Note anime (big up Claudia and Tom for the recommendation). So at the bus stop we see this Jewish lady pass with 5 kids and one in the oven. Myself and this elderly African gentleman just keep watching for a while trying to calculate… he said something about her not getting a break and I was like ‘yup, 9 months and back in business’. Get to the airport and kill time at arrivals. See a whole bunch of Barcelona fans coming out in bursts. Watch my English teaching vids.

Alina is in the house! Get to Baker Street, give Nahom a shout to see if he’s in Regents park for a quick catch up. This homeless dude selling Big Issue was so determined to get a sale I told him I usually get one but not this time. Then he looks at Alina and it was so cute coz he had this puppy dog look saying you have to buy it. And she had the puppy dog look saying I don’t know what you want. Until I told him she’s from Poland and does not have the currency. Some note about Temerarie? Get home and we’re so drained we take a Nap. Now I’d warned many times and in many ways how disturbing my house is. The walls are thin, lots of Bangla boys coming and going… even folks that don’t stay here will be cooking in the kitchen and all. And my room is next to the front door, living room and kitchen. Well they were all there. But we still managed to fall asleep coz of the fatigue. It’s weird… when we sleep together I get jerks that I usually only get when impressions are being released during my meditations. A wake up with a scare coz I heard one of the kids outside. And all the kid said was ‘lala’. Alina said she didn’t hear anything… and the laughing begins. Bangla guys make noise till about 2am.

Sunday 29th – Usually these guys have no memory so nearly every other night I have to remind them to close the kitchen door if they’re gonna cook late. Close their room door if they’re gonna talk loudly. Turn down the tv volume if they’re watching stuff after 11pm, etc. So I usually just do it from my bed. This time I reach round to open the door and Alina grabs my hand thinking I’m going to leave her. Aw + lol moment. I get a weird dream about Shanell biking or making me bike from Hurlingham or something. Brekkie. Alina is like I can’t stand it here 1 night how have you managed for 1 year. I explained guruji’s thing about at least keep one problem to chew on. And that I wanted to push my tolerance for a few months but then I met her and knew I could deal with it till I figured out my next move. Shop for tea coz she loves her teas. Go to the gym, hook Alina up with my ebook reader to watch some Planet Earth stuff while I get swole. Rest. Introduce her to (…) and clothes. Move to the Juri’s ex room since he’s moved out. Alina’s happy so I’m happy. Cook. Sneak ciggy. Eat, chill, massage, sleep. Wow in this room the noises are louder but since it’s upstairs it’s much less in quantity.

Monday 30th – Feed my baby smoked salmon, cheese spread. And strawberry and fruit yogurt for dessert. Sleep. Get Alina some paracetamol. Walk down Green Street coz she wants some Indian clothes. Figure out the difference between Salwar Khamees, Churidar, Chuni and Punjabi suit. I wanted to get some Kofis (those muslim hats). Before I go in I hide my crux and tell the guy I’m buying it for a muslim friend (just in case he’s gonna be like it’s only for our peoples). Alina is like I thought you wanted for yourself till I told her the plan later. Get a couple of dope ones. Get some Indian food. Introduce Alina to Mitho Paan and Manikchand. She loves the Manikchand. Bump into Bhavni doing shopping for Sach’s wedding. Buy Alina a churidar. Get home and chill. I tell her about the sweetspot on my forehead and how it makes me happy and sleepy. She gives me a lovebite there. End up talking about Dr. Dre’s song – I Need a Doctor. So I tell her the NWA, Eminem, Dre story. Do a Hari Om Meditation. It’s about 28 minutes and I was gone for 20 minutes longer. And Alina was waiting all that time… when I finally come to and look at her… her mascara is running. So there we are… two people sitting crosslegged. One with a lovebitten forehead, one with smudged make up. Couldn’t be happier… well we could in a better place but for us we just feel total when we’re together. Get on the bus to go for Kriya and there is this guy that usually come on the 25 preaching about Freemasons. I was telling Alina that he usually carries big signs and is much louder. Just when we have to get off he busts out the signs. Turns out he was just preparing himself.

No Kriya happening in Ilford but some of the girls are gonna be taking everyone to the Canary Wharf Kriya. It was so packed and we were kinda late so we ended up on chairs in the back. And I was going in trance and nearly falling off the chair every now and then. Listen to some knowledge and I don’t know why we have this thing where the teachers want us to discuss the knowledge after the Kriya. I mean we’re in such a wicked state why get us out of it. I think it’s coz they just like the sound of their own voice! Raphel gives us a ride back and basically it was 3 Polish people in the car and me. The other Polish person was Kamila who reminds me of my mom when she was young. Get home and finally talk to the Pakistani dude thats moved in. Adil. And it’s back to bitching about how filthy these Bangla boys are. And that god awful stinky dry-fish. I wish there was a camera for scents so we could take memories of scents. It’s soooooo bad I don’t want to remember it but I want to share it with others. Back to my love and have a good sleep.

Tuesday 31st – All this moving suit cases around has got my nostrils sensitive again. Sneeze like crazy. Shopping in Stratford. Show Alina Camden. Just as we leave the station this dude selling cookbooks is like why don’t you want one. Is she your wife? No. When will you get married. Um… I’m like dude not only have you mess up the sale you’re gonna get me in trouble too. See some naked dude in a wheelchair. Oh beautiful Camden. Get Alina them hippie/traveller Thai style hoodie. We were both tired. I wanted to show her the world but the good thing when it comes to shopping is that we both know what we want… if it catches our eye will look again but otherwise don’t give me marketing. I wanted to show her a proper 3D movie but the Waterloo IMAX times were already gone. So walk along Thames instead. Usual tourist posing and roaming.

Head to China town. She tries out different dresses. She likes my choice in girl clothes and I like that she listens to me hahaha. Get her this long one instead of the short one. Trust me it was much sexier. I was still not giving up on the 3D cinema even though she was tired. But Stratford Picture House wasn’t happening either. There’s always tomorrow. Home, rest. Some more bitching with Adil. Now he likes to talk and Alina and I had plans of taking some crazy pics. Potato salad and tuna crunch dinner. Dress up and pics. Lots of jokes. (…). But I’m glad we talked. We really bonded and worked through it. I even felt something on my ‘first chakra’.

Wednesday 1st – More major sneezing. Plan what to do. Alina gets lost in the bathroom thinking. Kung Fu Panda 2 in 3D is on! Buttttt we went when kids were on holiday so it was not only noisy with kids but they were all eating all the junk so wrappers were being scrunched and crap was being crunched. At one point I tell Alina to look behind and we just see lines of kids in 3D glasses. One hand holding the junk, another hand moving it to the mouth while their faces were facing ahead. Bus to the city. Intro Alina to Wong Kei’s Aromatic Duck wrap and crispy pork belly. The bits she does not like… I LOVE. How convenient. Show her bits of Picadilly and Oxford. Shop for shoes. Tubes to Queensbury so I can intro her to Poussin too! Order takeaway though coz we were still full. Link with Sag and Poonam. Good to see Poonam’s appetite has improved. Sag orders some other stuff too so Alina got to try some Kenya/Indian cuisine. Paan and Manikchand of course. Catch a black dude digging his nose. I think my site still has this note about black folks digging their noses without a care in the world. I call it stimulating the brain or ‘the rotary telephone’. Alina can’t stop cracking up. Get home and we have to move out coz a Bangla couple is moving in the room. The wife is soooo not happy with the house. She’s like I don’t know why my husband chose this. Since then she’s been scattering all sorts of powders and bleaches all over the place. I’m starting to feel ill. Make Alina take more (…) clothes. She does some nose treatment to me that basically feels like my nose and lips are being burnt off with some ice-fire. I’m sick all night. Alina gets no sleep.

Thursday 2nd – Sick. Sleep all day. Alina goes for a walk. Bangla dudes have a lil party. Eat the take away Poussin. She doesn’t like the skin… I love the skin! Go for a walk around the park, pond, kids playing area, etc. Back in bed. Tell the Bangla boys to keep the doors closed. And then at 11pm Kamal has a wise idea to hoover the place. I open the door again and see him there. I didn’t even have to say anything he just stood there like a naughty boy caught and not knowing how to react. I wanted to blast him but it was so cute coz he looks like this midget bodybuilder. So I was like ‘you can do this tomorrow right?’. No problem. So that was another terrible night coz folks where coming and going constantly and I was in a bad state.

Wednesday 3rd – Alina tells me I woke up in the middle of my sleep asking her ‘where are your lips?’. Poussin brekkie. Alina wanted to see a church so go to Bow Church but it’s closed. So take her to my secret place. Candid Art Restaurant in Angel. Then go to St. Paul’s Cathedral. But we have to pay there and she wasn’t impressed enough so take more touristy pics. Back on the bus this rasta woman is playing a song I’d not heard in ages and she was enjoying it. Everyone else was falling asleep in the heat while she was singing and whine dancing in the seat. Print a gym pass just in case I recover enough to go for a session and Alina wants to workout, steam, sauna, etc. Look for house spirit for some Guasha treatment.

Ok … so like I said I warned Alina about the house especially the cockroaches right. I mean I have my own cutlery and crockery in my room. It’s bad news, bad news enough that you can’t miss 3 if you’re in the kitchen. One might be near the fridge, one in a drawer or cabinet and one near the dustbin. But Alina did not see one up until now! I must admit the whole week I’d been feeling like I was in those movies where the person keeps someone busy so they don’t know what is happening behind them. On day one when I was showing her where the hot water switch is I closed the door behind her and there it was. A cockroach (or as I call them now Bangla pet) on the door. So I’m trying to keep her focus on me… well not really trying coz she’s already so into me. But I’m trying not to look at the roach and keep her looking away from the other side of the room. This happened many a time and I even barred her from entering the kitchen till I got sick. Anyway so after all these days she sees one and poor thing breaks down. I was like it’s a small thing and people live in worse situations and just trying to change the mind frame with some NLP. She recovers and gives me a massage that left me scarred or like you know that wine stain Gorbachev has on his head? Most of my back looked liked that! And it was not painful, not funking painful… it was mother funking painful!!!! I was like you must have done it harder to get back at me for videoing you crying about a roach! Make Pau Bhaji. Give my baby a massage. Sleep.

Thursday 4th – Wake. (…). Pack. (…). Brekkie. Busses and tube missions. Do some Mahikari on Alina’s stomach for her pain. It drained me enough to knock me out. Luton. Goodbye. Back to watching Death Note. Get to the gym and for some reason I’m able to lift a hell of a lot more weight. Get home and now theres a Bangla meeting with peeps making speeches and clapping. I do some rapping. Skype with Twinx after months. Can’t sleep so watch stand-up comic Louis CK youtube.

Friday 5th – More Louis CK youtube. Big up Twinx for the Hilarious recommendation. But since I’m a Dane Cook fan. And Louis CK vs. Dane Cook is just as big as PC vs. Mac. All I’m gonna say is Louis CK is good but he’s like Dane Cook on valium. Or Dane Cook is like Louis CK on coke. Bangla wife Rianna is still cleaning the kitchen. Rain. Gym. Etc.

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Marbella Madness 20th – 25th April 2011

Marbella Madness 20th – 25th April 2011

Excellent pics from Nish’s Cam

Wednesday 20th – Try out a new Osho meditation. Clothes not totally dried so stick underwear around water heater. Something about black shirt and 2 bags… oh yeah the heat was crazy and I still had to go to work before the Marbella mission and I was not going back home and I was told the weather was gonna be cold and rainy. So in london I was boiling but I was also gonna have trouble in Marbella coz of the opposite weather. Finish all the food I could at home and took the rest to work. Send out the Easter Newsletter. Ludivine is also leaving us so Neha takes us for a work lunch to Nandos. Now a bunch of hotties walk in with the skimpiest clothes. Neha tells me they’re Gypsies and tells me about his wicked program called My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Note: It was a wicked program, learnt something new, their culture was extra refreshing especially coz they’re kinda backwards in many things or extra forward in others. Get to Oakwood, link with Rocko, Sag and Poonam at the golf club. Go shopping to Asda. Man, usually I loveeee watching Sag and Poonam shop but this day I wanted to get online ASAP to see Alina before I leave. Bet Sag that we’ll see Nish at any moment… and we do just as we’re leaving. KFC bucket. Get to Sag’s, internet issues, chat without a vid. Eat and chill.

Thursday 21st – Boys come to Oakwood. Cab driver looks like Agent Smith from Matrix. Meet more of the boys. Check-in. Sag gets random security checked. I love being organised and Zia was so damn organised I was like, I’m so gonna implement all that. Now most of the boys booked together, I booked separate, so they were way back while I was in front with 2 free seats next to me. Knock out, land and wake up to the boys making noise. All you need is alcohol baby. Speaking of baby, there was one on the flight that was screaming its head off. Security here was extra lax. Never tried Jager so bought a bottle from duty free for my plan. Cool but mad driver takes us to our Royal Roman Empire! Man oh man… as always the pics will explain much better. Put names/rooms in a hat to see who gets what room. Sag pulled out the master bedroom. Yay! Drink, eat, drink, etc. I’d already bust out the Jager and started necking it. Shouting about I’m the Jagermaster. Yeah right… I’ve knocked out many times. In fact I’m a bit of an expert with that but blacking out!? First time thats happened. As in not remembering a thing after a certain point.

Friday 22nd – I just woke up in our balcony with a beautiful view. Was kinda cold so I thought I might as well make the most of the master bed! Thunder and stuff. Wake up and folks remind me that I was walking around drunk, chucked in the bidet, which caused a flood and broke some glass. Usually things slowly come back to me… in this case NOTHING! I just remember shouting Jagermaster near the pool and thats it. Making noise one minute… waking up the next. By this time Rocko wants to stay in bed like me so he knocked out on our balcony couch. Everytime someone came in… I aint seen him. Late breakfast but it was proper proper breakfast man! The works and then some. Cancel paintballing coz everyone had been partying the previous night (apart from myself ;o)) Sleep some more and try and recover as slowly as I could. The plan will unravel during the blog. Big up to Rocko though, he knew I was dying to chat with Alina so he got the MacBook just for me. I love this guy! BUT… Alina will be going to stay with her parents in the village for the weekend. Get ready. Get my ebook reader and chill. (…) Lol Sag’s like they’re not strippers dumbass! I still didn’t care, I wanted to enjoy the villa with my baby. It did feel kinda wearing being party animals in such a wicked place. Head to the Nikki Beach club to our VIP section. 2 waiters and all. I still wasn’t feeling it so left early with some of the boys. Folks coming and going and stuff and stuff. After a while it was mostly Nish, Neel, Sacho Patel and myself. Talking about things man. Philosophy, opening up, stuff and stuff and deeper stuff.

Saturday 23rd – By now it was morning and I was getting cold. Nish had mentioned the maids outfit so I went for that. And then we were going to sleep but as we walk back in the house, the maid is in the kitchen… looking at me wearing her stuff. Her expression was like I don’t know if I should shout at you or freak out at how weird this is!? She refused to look at me for the rest of the day. Something about coffee. Back to Nikki Beach (the beach and outdoor dining area). Chill, eat, drink, dancers, techno violin player, etc. Now when we walked in, I spotted the most beautiful waitress. She was like Madhuri. After a while find out her name is Alina too. All I can talk about is my Alina ;oP Fffffttsshhhh (if you didn’t get that, it’s the sound of a whip). Still wanna just be in the Villa. Mostly just to enjoy the villa and be meditative. I watched a whole load of Osho while I was there. Anyway so go back to the villa and share a cab with the Deviant. Usually I’d be him, as in pumping the music nonstop. Get back to the villa and what followed… well the 3 vids I have can only describe that. It was extra funny in the start and then left a weird feeling so go back to the master bedroom and catch up on Naruto, Osho, sleep, etc. Lol even when I was sleeping after every other song Deviant would come up and ask me what I wanted to listen to next. It was weird coz the rest of the boys decided to stay back coz it stopped raining. I was starving, no cigarettes, etc. Some folks decided to go back and coz it was quiet I chill on the balcony couch and take in the mountain and oceans and wow, ended up meditating. I’ve never felt so disconnected yet so ok with it. Rocko was like you’re just pretending to be sick aren’t you? Truth is I did have a bad stomach for a bit but I stretched it. I was telling Rocko that I just wanna be, or be with my woman.

Sunday 24th – Sag and I wake up. Nish and Neel are still awake so chill with them. Look for a place that will do online delivery and find something called The Curry Chart (click here to see). Some of the funniest ones… but that Poppadom Preach one is mine! Anyway so we’re chilling folks come and go. Few of the folks go face first into the glass sliding doors. Back to bed with Osho. Wake up with Osho. I think he’s the other reason why I’m feeling so antisocial. But it’s BBQ time and Noel and Debbie hook us up with some excellent food. Something about Debbie having her stomach removed, her hanging with football yobs, etc. She even talked like one of them, swearing away and all. Now see our villa has speakers outside too near the pool and BBQ area. And Deviant had been pumping music all week and loud too. But the neighbour decided to come and tell us off after so many days. I guess it was Sunday and all. Anyway so do something else that makes me run off to my room.

Monday 25th – Woken up early by Sags snoring. I think it was like 4 or something. I go down to get a drink and see Deviant just staring at the open fridge. Guess what he asks me… what music you wanna listen to lol. Jitters had the shakes and went somewhere with the cab. Try to sleep but Osho keeps me awake lol. Wake up. Take a vid of the whole villa. Brekkie. Pack. Chill while Rocko and Zia sort out breakage. Mad driver gets us to the airport… where some folks were lying on the grass sunbathing. While elsewhere there was some major accident. Check-in, food, one of the Womens Camp Hill Chargers Rugby Team had a bad fall in Burger King. Board. Have a couple of drunk old brit dudes behind me. I didn’t see them but what a sad duo.

Summary:
So yeah… the place was out of this world. The boys were too cool. It was all good times. I just wasn’t feeling the drinking and clubbing mostly. Hence overdoing the Jager to put myself off for the rest of the week and crippling my clubbing abilities lol. It’s weird when I booked the flight I was planning what crazy things could be done. Between then and actually going I fall in love and end up with a totally different plan. I’m sure it was more than just that though… like all that Osho and after seeing the Villa, landscape, etc… the madness seemed to clash with it. The pick me ups helped big time though.

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Lublin Lovin 7th – 15th March 2011

Lublin Lovin 7th – 15th March 2011
Note: (…) = censored!
If we friends on Facebook you can see pics @
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150223337329441.332976.500304440

Monday 7th 2011
Meditate, busses to Brent Cross, McMuffin, Dump, Bus to Airport, Boarding. Review weekend madness… Basically got a Bulgarian couple as housemates. And Pepi decided to have a girls party. Made curtain doors and loads of food etc. I end up joining them coz I won’t be able to sleep with the music next door. Glad Nahom joined too coz it was his last few days here. George joins us late and blows our minds with b-boy moves. Old and quiet dude just after his evening vodka and football normally. I got drunk enough to give away quite a few of my hats and woke up the next day thinking maybe I gave out 2 too many. I think Nahom returned one of them. Anyway… Mp3 Player battery dies so kill time browsing the shops at the gates. Find internet which costs 10 quid a minute! Wasn’t planning to browse just charge my Mp3 player but ended up giving in to 10 minutes of temptation. Sleep through the flight. Land in Warsaw and see my baby Alina and meet her homeboy Tomek. 3 hour drive to Lublin. Get home and I’m glad to see a gym close by. Alina stays on the top floor of her rise so get a good leg workout anyway. Eat ashram food. Cuddle.

Tuesday 8th 2011
Get woken up by my alarm which is the chorus of Kanye West’s Gorgeous. Do our short Kriya and have some interesting horseradish sandwiches. Take a bus to this frozen lake called Zalew Zegrzyński. Folks were ice fishing and we took a long romantic walk till the path got slippery and we got tired. Along the walk there was first play area with watersides and all. Not open in the cold season but one of the slides looked so funny. The pic can explain it best. Then the second play area was more to my liking. It had these ‘rides’ which were more like gyms and the mechanics were so well thought… you use your own body weight to do stuff like bench press, leg press, shoulder press, cross trainer, waist twists, etc. I have a vid of Alina on one of them and she looks so cute on it. Note: Lots and lots of crows around and I noticed Lublin is pretty dry and open spaced. Reminds me of South C, Nairobi.

Rest and take a long walk to her sisters. Alina loves her tea so we had that and I finished all the cheese and whatever else I could get my hands on. Later the sis called her and she was mad… I thought it was about the food but it was about the house. I was too hungry to think of the house. I personally liked it. Their houses are colourful, SPACIOUS, and cheap. So during the day I noticed a lot of flower sellers and folks carrying them around. Aparently it’s like Valentines day for them. Dzień Kobiet/Women’s Day – a tribute to the struggle of victims for gender equality kinda thing. Alina says I’m a phenomenon coz everybody especially old folks were staring at me.

So this drunk dude gets on the bus. I’m sitting opposite the door and he’s standing there facing me and I can feel his eyes. You know how I attract these folks so I was wondering how long it’ll take for him to sit opposite me. He did and started talking to me. Alina was telling him to leave me alone, I’m a visitor and I don’t understand the language. He’d behave for 20 seconds and then start again. So he was like peace and wanted to know where I’m from. Just picture a drunk happy dude mesmerised by this darker skinned dude. Once I told him I’m from Kenya he went nuts. Now I personally don’t mind shaking dirty hands but the rest of the bus was like ‘is this guy for real?’. He kept shaking my hand and I kept giving him the Rasta dap style greeting. He’s like I really wanna go to Kenya etc. When we got of the bus Alina told me she attracts these kinda folks too. Our lives are always interesting thats for sure.

Get a universal plug coz I forgot about European sockets. Alina does massage, reiki, energy stuff so I finally got the decent massage I needed. All the others were too soft. Note: For her size… lady is strong! She even made me sleep on some spikes that felt like fire on my back. Knockout. Felt so good after I wanted to skip the Gong Concert she’s planned for us. And luck would have it… we missed the bus so walk back home. My tooth started acting up so took some powerful painkillers. (…).

Wednesday 9th 2011
Sing Az Yet’s Arrow Through My Heart for my baby to wake up to. ;o))) Yes I’m trippin on love baby! More on that later. Short Kriya. Bus to city and bus to a beautiful place called Nałęczów. Where we went swimming, steaming, saunaing, hot-tubbing and had a mud/clay bath. Which looked and felt so good I wanted to drink it. The pool there was so wicked it had all these different sections with jets of water for your back, another one to sleep on, another section for the feet and my favorite… the waterfall. Rest and have some tea. Eat at this amazing restaurant at Hotel Przepióreczka. Excellent pork dish. Walk around shops and Alina chose a lil present for me. And then we do this salt cave aromatherapy thing. I don’t know if it was the swimming and food before but I knocked out again. Been very meditative so far. This was at the hotel too and it’s called Jaskinia Solna. Pics and vids shall explain. Get back and I wanna rip Alina’s cd’s to mp3s before I leave but have issues with iTunes coz my Polish is not so polished. (…) talk.

Thursday 10th 2011
Can’t remember what song I sang her but the rituals were I sing her songs in the morning and make her tea after every meal. And of course do the dishes coz I just love it so! And no I’m not being sarcastic. I love it so much I even have preference for the sink to be on the right, draining/drying area on the left etc. All she’s missing is the dish drainer. Anyway wake up late. Breakfast in bed. Gym. Spag bol. Get a different kind of energy massage that TOTALLY knocked me the hell out! Tomek picks us up for satsang and Kriya. Jagoda is also in the car and she’s ogling me. I’m told she’s a man hunter lol. Tomek started reminding me of Anup, heartbreaking coz of his wife and boss but heartwarming coz Alina has such and amazing person as a friend … Anup story here (https://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=4146916817). The satsang was different… no clapping or clicking. Kriya was good times but funny at one point coz this dog outside started barking and coz it echoed he was like barking at himself. Folks give out biscuits, cakes, and chocolatey yummies!

Staring… we do this a lot on skype too. Getting lost in each others eyes… I’m in love man! Some note about blue? So there’s more uses for olive oil apart from cooking! (…). Then we talk (…) and she said I was like a dentist. So I just said ‘where is my phone’ (to make a note). And that triggered her to laugh for what felt like the whole night. We laughed sooo much she got hungry in the middle of the night so I keep running to the kitchen to feed her sandwiches, avocado, nutella, etc.

Friday 11th 2011
Awkward kriya. Now I had to get my boarding pass printed so Alina gave me a pen drive. I copied the stuff and mailed the pdf to our emails too. But the pen drive I placed on the desk coz we’d be taking it today and Alina saw it there to. It vanished! Buses to city, print boarding pass from email, more people staring. And I was like where are all the Indian, Chinese and African people especially Nigerians. Coz these 3 can be found in any nook and cranny in the world. Finally see some Chinese. Share a meal at Cleopatras… very funky place with related interior design.

Go to the church/cathedral where Alina used to be in the choir – Katedra Matki Bożej Płaczącej. Blew my mind! I was already amazed by the entrance so took a vid and she’s like there’ll be more… I was thinking how much more as in might be a little more. There was a 1000 times more! The pictures don’t do the place justice and I felt dodgy pointing my camera everywhere. The pipe organ looked like a little building itself! After being amazed, I started looking for Freemasonry and Illuminati signs… you’ll see them for yourself in the pics.

I’d been craving Tiramisu so Alina took me to another amazing restaurant… looked more like a community catacomb. So big, so many rooms. We finally decided on a very romantic corner and I don’t know if Alina was tickling me or what but I laughed that laugh were you let our a mini raspberry of fart. Was definitely not sure if were long enough in the relationship for body sounds. As it is my stomach makes noise and when I say noise I mean loud noise so holding in the gas didn’t help the situation. Decide to let some out while she was on the phone and I ended up stuck in the loo coz someone switched off the lights!

Do some shopping for home… Alina wanted to try out some fish and I had to get some sausages for Viv and found Sneakers Cruncher!!! One of my favourite rare chocolates. Busses back. Alina tells me about hand me downs and I was like me too! She tells me other stuff too and I can’t help what I’m feeling. I’m falling for this lady and for once I don’t do it with my guard up or anything. I’m starting to feel mentally and emotionally naked and I don’t care. Rest. Find the pen drive under the mouse mat.

More shopping, more people staring, more chinese people and an Indian or well tanned Italian. Even I was staring at him lol. Reminds me of Russell Peters’ joke about Indians seeing other Indians. Finally get to rip Alina’s cd’s. Have a dance and Alina’s soooo cute… her big beautiful head orbiting around mine side to side. (…), she gets hungry for fruit. More fun, laughs and eating. Laughing fits till…

Saturday 12th 2011
…now. More fruit. Get some beautiful pics of her. Might not share those here. (…). I love the way she meows and does these sound effects. Laugh like crazy with that too. And get a recording later. Go to city and Alina takes me for her yoga class. Now I do that often enough to feel confident enough to do whatever comes my way. OUCH! Advanced yoga man. From the first posture I was like what the flex have I got myself into! We kept doing the downward facing dog and touching toes after most poses but gaaaaad dayum! And when it came to the postures I could do Tom was like I don’t think you can and even if you can I don’t want you to have neck and back pain later. Sheesh! But he was a great instructor. Maybe not the best choice with the dolphin shorts but he took care of me. At one point he was showing us an example of a difficult posture and stretched so much he let one rip. Finish and make our way to get some sweets for Maha Satsang. Note: I love my Lipton iced teas and got to try a new red tea one. Window shop and get stares… then I see 2 indian rudeboys roaming around the shopping centre in vests. Interesting.

I’m telling you man this place is so like Kenya. The streets, buildings, shops, kiosks, markets. Go to the market and Alina gets like 3 cakes and I’m like I wanna take something too so I got some chocolate biscuits. Then she had to meet a teacher that was coming down from elsewhere so she sent me home. (…) roof. Ahem. Get to the Gym and it’s packed today… some filming in the squash courts. And what is a woman doing in the mens changing rooms?! Get home and rest on the floor where we usually rest and do our kriya and start thinking of what Alina told me the other day. I was getting a lump in my throat from so much love. I want to be her hero, I want to leave everything to live with her. And she lives such a simple life, bare necessities, no TV at home. I don’t watch TV anyway but like… this is the one! I took a sankalpa to have a future with her. I AM going to be her hero. I AM her hero! I nearly had tears. Then sleep on the bed and when I wake up it’s late and I’m missing her, I’m worried. I want her back. When she came back I couldn’t tell her in words so I tried in actions… didn’t work so I do what we did when we first met at the ashram. Silence and eyes. (…).

Had to get bread from the shopping centre so even surprised her with a dish drainer. She’s into her blues so got that. I was still pretty tired from gym and yoga so rest while she coordinates the AOL Maha Satsang stuff. New ‘pyjamas’ ;o). (…) yoga poses. (…). The thing is we can talk if we have to say something. We were both too tired so sleep.

Sunday 13th 2011
(…). Make her brekkie while she gets ready for the big day. Coordinate suitcase. Pack for AOL. Taxi to the hotel. Set up. I’m on the Guruji pic, cakes, fruit, curtains, sound, projector, etc. Alina’s on the bigger stuff. After all my cutting, arranging and rearranging and setting up I knew someone would change it and out of everyone it had to be the one person that introduced themselves to me as Ela (kinda reminded me of Jude Law). The rest either didn’t know English too well or we’re busy catching up etc. Ela does the guru puja. Sound guys come in and set up, sound check, etc.

My bootie is in pain, I blame the hard core yoga. We do some more yoga and processes. One process involved a simon says kinda thing where the teach would be like left hand… so everyone touches their left hand with someone else’s left hand. All in Polish so Marzena explained what we roughly have to do. So when the guy said butt… instead of me touching my butt against someone elses I ended up grabbing this dude’s. Luckily it was too fast a game and every time we had to choose a different partner. Funny thing is buttock is one word I did learn in Polish since I am a bootie person and I can’t keep my hands of my baby’s bootie. Note: That’s another thing… I’m doing things I don’t usually do or they’re not me or breaking like my rules. 3 Main ones are – 1: Absolutely no overseas relationships, 2: No relationships with non-english speakers and 3: (…)! So anyway my point is because most couples call each other baby I found it stereotypical and cheesy but I’m doing it myself now!

Back to AOL … do a guided Short Kriya. I was so gone I kept like nearly falling off the chair. Food. Meet a gujarati uncle from Uganda – Rajesh. He ends up lecturing me on not speaking Guju so well so I find an excuse to bail and get my baby dessert and tea. Alina introduces me to Marzena and we talk about assisting in ART Excel and this movie like love story. This girl has so much love in her eyes when she talks about the kids or deep stuff and I feel like she’s gonna break down into tears any moment now. Now everybody all over the world was going to get on skype with Guruji for the Maha Satsang but apparently everyone in the whole of Poland could not get their webcast to work.

Have a satsang. Get the picture of Tomek, Alina and myself that I wanted. Think about Tomek again and this is when I really feel for him and tell Alina about it. Clean up. Rajesh plays a video about Uganda hospital but the connection is not good so just see half the vid. Later he gets a blasting for meddling. Pack and clean. Long Kriya teach drops us. Tell Alina about Anup. Then chill and chat about making a future and what our possibilities are. Back pain like crazy so Alina sorts that out. (…). She’s so fucking sweet and sexy (…) it’s sooooo damn sweet!

Monday 14th 2011
(…). She’s not feeling well so we sleep. Wake up, order pizza, eat, sleep. (…).

Tuesday 15th 2011
Sleep till 1.45am. Yeah I was over excited and booked a flight for 6am instead of pm. Robert picks us and Tomek lent him the nice new car he got his wife. Weird ride… I was between sleep, feeling weird for leaving, trying to stay positive and eating and tea. Robert takes me round some Palace in Warsaw. Police stop him to give him a breathalyzer test. All good. Airport. Now in a way I’m glad we didn’t have a sad goodbye but it sure was funny. Robert was so in my face I felt like he was my partner … mostly being helpful and trying to speak whatever English he knew. I wanted to tell him to go away but poor guy woke up to drive me 3 hours to the airport in the middle of the night. Anyway later I found out Alina lectured him all the way home hahaaaaa… glad I wasn’t on the ride back… well if I was she wouldn’t… ah you know what I mean.

Grrr… this law of attraction/what you resist persist rule is pissing me off man! Be it cinemas, busses, trains, planes… I get some fucking fidgety shit head that can’t sit properly behind me and keeps bumping my seat. Not only did this fool keep doing that the whole flight but he even compromised my legroom by putting his suitcase under my seat. His was the last row so it’s understandable he was pretty squashed but come on! There’s at least a place for the bag overhead! I’m just happy I was too tired to let it get the best of me and slept it off. The landing was scary coz I could feel us getting closer to land and could not see the ground coz of the fog up until we nearly hit ground. One person does the clap after landing thing. Our plane had to wait a long time for some reason before letting us off. Look at my booking for my bus to Brent Cross and see the time… I’m 5 minutes late! How can this be… I plan each step to have at least 45 minutes extra time! My phone says 9am, bus dude says wait 15 minutes and I’ll get you on an earlier one. Then it hit me… I was still on Poland time… I can relax my sphincter. Phew.

Weird though coz in Poland my phone changed time automatically but here it didn’t change back. By the time I get to Walthamstow my bladder is exploding… glad they have loos. This Chinese guy has what looks like a chocolate loaf of bread and he’s munching away. Sits next to a hot chick and says something but she’s like brushing him off. He carries on eating. Which reminds me I better get some food for home and Asda Chocolate Brownies for Neha. They are the best ones I’ve tired so far… moist, soft, melt in your mouth. Unpack, washing, Medal of Honour. Meet new housemate Yuri from Estonia or something… got lots in common… gaming, bunnin… he’s a waiter and he has Adobe CS5!!!! Oh and Alina got me a box of dried prune chocolates from Naleczowska which I nearly finished. Saved like 3 for later. Ended up taking it out of the chocolate brownies… sorry Neha ;oP There’s still half left. Skype with my baby and feel much better. (…). Can’t remember what else… oh yeah… I’m so in love even the cheesy songs are starting to make sense.

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Bristol at the Thermomixers October 2010

Bristol at the Thermomixers October 2010

Pics on http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=556996&id=815555493&page=6

Friday – Gym. Pack. Tube. Get to Sag’s and Poonam tells me about this Buddha boy… youtube it and … it’s crazy in a nice way I guess. Nish picks us. I sleep most of the time in the car and finish quite a bit of the chocolate fingers. OKAY all of the white ones! Get to Bristol and have dinner with Simi and Mathieu (spelling). Excellent stuff… like Simi said the soup tasted like clouds. And it’s all made in this Thermomixer machine… that not only mixes, it cooks, and does this and that and so much more. Talks about those scientists that killed themselves when the comet was passing and pyramids, etc.

Saturday – Man I’ve not farted like that in ages… and Sag and Poonam were sharing the room… hehehehe! Thought I’d post my daily song and realise the keyboard is now QWERTY and as a touch-typer that becomes a mission. Have waffles for brekkie before we go over to Bath. Check out the Roman Baths… it was great to see but got tired of having this machine next to my ear telling me history and press this to know this and … I don’t like phones and this was basically a phone that I couldn’t talk back at. Well I did anyway. Simi is into photography so she was going for it. Something about photography posters???? Can’t remember. Get a migraine so run to the pharmacy to get the meds and I usually get Migraleve that makes me feel kinda tipsy afterwards but I see there is a new one. So I tell the girl to hook me up. She’s like these are prescription only… I was like I’m dying here just give me anything then… she’s like hell with it. I buy a pack for about 7 quid… open the pack and … WTF! Only 2 capsules… and after that I felt even worse. I had to get some food in me! Hmmm… In my notes I’ve typed ‘make pizza dough’ like I helped at all. We were busy watching X-Factor. Another great meal… artichokes, asparagus, I was veg so didn’t really focus on the meat but wow and gaaad dayum! Play games, more X-Factor. I don’t know what you call it but I love this game where someone sticks a famous persons name on your forehead and have to guess who it is.

Sunday – I think my farts overheated the room? Takeshi’s Castle… love it! Help with the chopping and prep for BBQ. Place the forehead game. BBQ. Were sooooo damn stuffed! Piss Poonam off. Something about animal? Oh yeah the fence… Nish spotted animal faces from the tree fingerprints. Goodbye’s. Big up Nish for taking us, Big up Thermomixers for having us and being the best hosts ever!

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