25 Ways to Win with People: How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks by John C. Maxwell, Leslie Parrott

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25 Ways to Win with People: How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks by John C. Maxwell, Leslie Parrott

Summary from – http://www.gowland.ca/25-ways-to-win-with-people

1: Start With Yourself

  • You can’t give what you don’t have.
  • Accept yourself as you are (RWG:God’s child), not trying to become what you are not.
    • Identify your insecurities and their source then hold them up to the truth.
    • RWG: What have these insecurities held me back from? Are there any opportunities I can still seize?
  • “Increase your value to others by solving as many of your problems as you can.”
    • Identify areas you need to improve in order to be more valuable to others and develop a plan to accomplish them.

2: The 30 Second Rule

Chapter Notes

  • Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.
  • To be successful at this, you have to plan to do it.
  • People need attention, affirmation, and appreciation to be motivated to do what is good and right
  • Upon doing this regularly, people will light up when you simply walk into the room.
  • RWG: Praising the good things in a person increasingly draws them out of that person.

Implementing this habit:

  • Open up my calendar. Who are the people I will be meeting this week?
    • What can I say to them that will encourage them? What have they done for me? What have they done that is worthy of praise? Are they discouraged in any way?
  • Rehearse what I will say to them.

3: Let People Know You Need Them

Chapter Notes

  • People need to be needed. They need to know they helped at a meaningful level.
    • RWG: You may have to connect the dots for them.
  • “Who specifically can help me do a better job than I can do alone?”
  • “Who is just waiting to be asked to join in what I am doing?”

Implementing this habit:

  • Scan your calendar for events where you can let people know that you need them
  • Identify areas where you need help (either due to time or due to ability)
  • List the people who are involved in the same activities, and for each person, identify any strengths that are being underutilized

4: Create a Memory and Revisit It Often

Chapter Notes

  • Revisit existing memories with people
  • Plan experiences to commemorate milestones and create mementos.

Implementing this habit:

  • Who do I want to encourage and/or connect better with (people who work with me, people who work for me, my spouse)? Are there any upcoming events that I can use to create a memory?
  • What are some mile stones coming up that I can create an experience or a memento for?
  • What are some everyday things that I can turn into a memorable occasion?
  • What are some existing memories that I can revisit with someone?

5: Compliment People In Front Of Other People

  • When you compliment someone’s attitudes you can reinforce that attitude and make it more consistent.
  • Find/create opportunities to do so.
  • “Who can I spotlight in front of others?”

6: Give Others a Reputation to Uphold

Chapter Notes

  • Have a high opinion of people (Eg. Linda Eggers “represents me well”, John Hull is “Mr. Relationship”).
  • Back your high opinion up with action; give them responsibility and its associated privileges.
  • “Elite performers usually need 10 years of dedicated and consistent practice before they obtain any recognizable level off excellence,” but this can be cut dramatically if the performer sees that they are forming a recognizable reputation.
  • Start by asking “What is special/unique about this person?”
  • RWG: Most people have given themselves at least one negative name, or have accepted one from others. This will hinder them. Re-enforcing a positive reputation will give them something to live up to.

Implementing this habit:

  • For each organization where you are a leader, list all the people you lead. For each person list all theirs strengths and identify a strength that is unique among within that organization. Find a short phrase that captures that strength and start using it around them and about them.

7: Say the Right Words at the Right Time

  • Forget about what you want to say and ask yourself what you would like to hear if you were in the other’s shoes.

8: Encourage the Dreams of Others

  1. Ask others to share their dreams with you
  2. Affirm the person as well as the dream
  3. Ask about the challenges they must overcome to reach their dreams (RWG: This helps them solidify the steps they need to take to get there. Most people aren’t good at this.)
  4. Offer your assistance
  5. Regularly revisit their dream with them
  6. Return to Step 1

9: Pass the Credit on to Others

  • John Wooden, UCLA coach, taught his players when they scored a point to smile, wink, or nod at the player who gave them the pass.
  • Verbal praise in front of others is powerful, but written praise lasts.
  • Passing on credit changes the recipient’s brain chemistry and creates “and emotional stamp that forever associates you in their minds with their success.”
  • Ask yourself, “who has made me more successful than I would have been on my own?” Then pass on the credit.

10: Offer Your Very Best

  • Give beyond what is required of you.

11: Share a Secret With Someone

  • It makes the other feel special and valued and connected to you.
  • Let them know you are sharing it only because you trust them.

12: Mine the Gold of Good Intentions

  • Being suspicious of others causes me to behave differently toward them, and it makes interacting with them worse.
  • People generally give you what you expect from them.

13: Keep Your Eyes Off the Mirror

  • Serving others from a place of emotional health is a source of contentment.
  • RWG: “What are the needs of those closest to me that I could fill?” (Wife, family, friends, ministry, church, further out.)

14: Do For Others What They Can’t Do For Themselves

  • “The more I give away, the more I seem to get to give away.”
  1. Introduce others to people they can’t know on their own.
  2. Take others to places they can’t go on their own.
  3. Offer others opportunities they can’t reach on their own.
  4. Share ideas with others they don’t possess on their own.
  • Self determination theory: helping others reach their goals cements the relationship
  • What do I have to share? Who could benefit from it?

15: Listen With Your Heart

Chapter Notes:

  • Roadblocks to effective listening:
    • Distractions
    • Defensiveness / close-mindedness
    • Projection / assumptions
    • RWG: Unforgiveness
  • When someone feels I am understanding them, they will be more interested in understanding me, so don’t focus on getting your own point across.

Implementing this habit:

  • Is there anyone who I don’t get along with or would like a deeper relationship with?
  • Take a week for each of these questions and ask them every day:
    • Did I pay attention today?
    • Did I show I was listening today?
    • Did I seek to understand today?
    • Did I respond honestly and appropriately today?
    • Did I ask questions today?

16: Find the Keys to Their Hearts

  • What do they dream about, cry about, find joy in, value, believe to be their strengths?
  • Establish common ground.
  • “Turn the key only when you can add value to that person.”

17: Be the First to Help

  • A good question to ask is “How can I best serve this person?”

18: Add Value to People

  • Learn to value people
  • Learn what those closest to you value from you the most and deliver

19: Remember a Person’s Story

Chapter Notes:

  • The time taken in asking for and listening to someone’s story:
    1. will be entirely focussed on them: their dreams, disappointments, interests, etc..
    2. will be enjoyed by that person
    3. will give you insight into that person
    4. will build a stronger relationship
  • If asking these types of questions is awkward for you, start practicing on people you’re not likely to see again, like cab drivers, waitresses, people in line.
  • Don’t interrupt: replace “That reminds me of…” with “Go on” or “I see”
  • Repeat back what you heard, “Let me see if I understand…”
  • Bring up some aspect of the person’s story the next time you see him.

Implementing this habit:

  • Every day for a month, answer this question in your journal: “Did I interject my own annecdotes or opinion into someone else’s story today?”
  • Every day for a month, answer this question in your journal: “Who will I talk to today who I can ask for a story? Did I ask anyone for their story yesterday?”

20: Tell a Good Story

Chapter Notes

  • Tell us a story rather than just relaying the facts.
  • The goal is connecting and sharing yourself, not just making yourself look good.

Implementing this habit:

  • Ask “How did I convey facts today that I could have shared as a story?”
  • Ask “Did I tell stories today to make me look good rather than to better others?”

21: Give With No Strings Attached

  • I would not be where I am if others had not given freely to me; others need me to do the same for them.

22: Remember Your Mailman’s Name

  • S – Say the name 3 times in a convesation
  • A – Ask a question about the name (eg. spelling) or person
  • V – Visualize the person’s prominent physical or personality feature
  • E – End the conversation with the name
  • A person’s mood and self evaluation improve when another remembers him personally.

23: Point Out People’s Strengths

  • Every person has some ability they are good at (they are at least 1 in 10,000).
  • People are more highly motivated when working in an area of strength
  • RWG: People form an identity either out of their strengths or their weaknesses. Pointing out their strengths promotes the former, which in turn will make them more effective.

24: Write Notes of Encouragement

  • Take the time to handwrite personal notes on a regular basis.
  • A handwritten note is evidence of your investment in that person.
  • Written notes can have a long lasting effect; longer than an email.

25: Help People Win

  • When you help somebody win, you will be that person’s friend for life.
  • Focus on the process, not just on the win. Don’t just hand him the win, help him win so next time maybe he can win on his own.
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How to raise kinder, less entitled kids (according to science)

Author: Richard Weissbourd, a Harvard psychologist with the graduate school of education, and the Making Caring Common Project have come up with recommendations about how to raise children to become caring, respectful and responsible adults.

1. Make caring for others a priority

Why? Parents tend to prioritize their children’s happiness and achievements over their children’s concern for others. But children need to learn to balance their needs with the needs of others, whether it’s passing the ball to a teammate or deciding to stand up for friend who is being bullied.

How? Children need to hear from parents that caring for others is a top priority. A big part of that is holding children to high ethical expectations, such as honoring their commitments, even if it makes them unhappy. For example, before kids quit a sports team, band, or a friendship, we should ask them to consider their obligations to the group or the friend and encourage them to work out problems before quitting.

Try this
• Instead of saying to your kids: “The most important thing is that you’re happy,” say “The most important thing is that you’re kind.”
• Make sure that your older children always address others respectfully, even when they’re tired, distracted, or angry.
• Emphasize caring when you interact with other key adults in your children’s lives. For example, ask teachers whether your children are good community members at school.

2. Provide opportunities for children to practice caring and gratitude

Why? It’s never too late to become a good person, but it won’t happen on its own. Children need to practice caring for others and expressing gratitude for those who care for them and contribute to others’ lives. Studies show that people who are in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving—and they’re also more likely to be happy and healthy.

How? Learning to be caring is like learning to play a sport or an instrument. Daily repetition—whether it’s a helping a friend with homework, pitching in around the house, or having a classroom job—make caring second nature and develop and hone youth’s caregiving capacities. Learning gratitude similarly involves regularly practicing it.

Try this
• Don’t reward your child for every act of helpfulness, such as clearing the dinner table. We should expect our kids to help around the house, with siblings, and with neighbors and only reward uncommon acts of kindness.
• Talk to your child about caring and uncaring acts they see on television and about acts of justice and injustice they might witness or hear about in the news.
• Make gratitude a daily ritual at dinnertime, bedtime, in the car, or on the subway. Express thanks for those who contribute to us and others in large and small ways.

3. Expand your child’s circle of concern

Why? Almost all children care about a small circle of their families and friends. Our challenge is help our children learn to care about someone outside that circle, such as the new kid in class, someone who doesn’t speak their language, the school custodian, or someone who lives in a distant country.

How? Children need to learn to zoom in, by listening closely and attending to those in their immediate circle, and to zoom out, by taking in the big picture and considering the many perspectives of the people they interact with daily, including those who are vulnerable. They also need to consider how their
decisions, such as quitting a sports team or a band, can ripple out and harm various members of their communities. Especially in our more global world, children need to develop concern for people who live in very different cultures and communities than their own.

Try this
• Make sure your children are friendly and grateful with all the people in their daily lives, such as a bus driver or a waitress.
• Encourage children to care for those who are vulnerable. Give children some simple ideas for stepping into the “caring and courage zone,” like comforting a classmate who was teased.
• Use a newspaper or TV story to encourage your child to think about hardships faced by children in another country.

4. Be a strong moral role model and mentor

Why? Children learn ethical values by watching the actions of adults they respect. They also learn values by thinking through ethical dilemmas with adults, e.g. “Should I invite a new neighbor to my birthday party when my best friend doesn’t like her?”

How? Being a moral role model and mentor means that we need to practice honesty, fairness, and caring ourselves. But it doesn’t mean being perfect all the time. For our children to respect and trust us, we need to acknowledge our mistakes and flaws. We also need to respect children’s thinking and listen
to their perspectives, demonstrating to them how we want them to engage others.

Try this
• Model caring for others by doing community service at least once a month. Even better, do this service with your child.
• Give your child an ethical dilemma at dinner or ask your child about dilemmas they’ve faced.

5. Guide children in managing destructive feelings

Why? Often the ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings.

How? We need to teach children that all feelings are okay, but some ways of dealing with them are not helpful. Children need our help learning to cope with these feelings in productive ways.

Try this
Here’s a simple way to teach your kids to calm down: ask your child to stop, take a deep breath through the nose and exhale through the mouth, and count to five. Practice when your child is calm. Then, when you see her getting upset, remind her about the steps and do them with her. After a while she’ll start to do it on her own so that she can express her feelings in a helpful and appropriate way.

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Quit Your Job and Farm – Small Farm Ideas

Quit Your Job and Farm – Small Farm Ideas

Want to quit your job and become a farmer? That is exactly what all these folks did. Are you thinking about starting a small-scale, urban, hobby farming business or off grid living farm? Get my FREE Private Videos and FREE Ebooks, sign up at http://www.TarrinLupo.com
Then this video has what you need to get started. I interviewed 10 small farmers to get their tips on:

– organic chicken farming;
– goat farming;
– cattle farming;
– worm farming for profit;
– organic vegetable farming;
– maple syrup farming;
– aquaculture fish farming;
– aquaponics; and
– urban fruit tree farming.

Get inspired. Pick up some quick tips from these veteran small-scale farmers an relax as we take a quick trip into modern organic farming businesses across the United States.

0:58 What is organic farming?

2:42 Poultry Farming (Sandy Creek Farm, Brooklet, Ga)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sandy-…

6:55 Organic Chicken Farming (Savannah, Ga)

12:43 Goat farming (Bootleg Farm, Effingham, Ga)
http://bootlegfarm.net/

14:32 Beef Cattle Farming (Hunter Cattle Company, Brooklet, Ga)

Home

22:40 Worm Farming For Profit (Kachina Farms, Rincon, GA)
http://www.kachinafarms.net/

29:25 Organic Food Farming (Ogeechee River Gardens, Richmond Hill, Ga)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ogeech…

33:35 Maple Syrup Farm (Wohlschlegel’s Maple Farm Naples, NY)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Wohlsc…

36:32 Aquaculture Fish Farming and the H2OPE system (Ernest Hancock, Pheonix, Arizona)
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Front…

47.56 Aquaponics & fish farming business (Endless Food Systems Pheonix, AZ)

Aquaponic Kits & Growing Solutions

52:40 Urban Farming (Urban Farm, Phoenix, AZ)

Home

Jorden Page Music
Here, There Everywhere http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004…

Music
Title Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b…

This is the full documentary of “Screw This Job, I’m going to be a Farmer” By Dr. Tarrin P. Lupo

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The Happiest Refugee: A Memoir by Anh Do

Click to get the book or ebook

​The story is told in such a simple and personal way like it was my granny or dad telling me a story. A perfect example of how comedy and tragedy go together so well. I didn’t expect his life to be so colourful and him to be so diverse and versatile. Thank you RSL Op-Shop crew for passing this on as I had been looking for it for a quite a while.

Notes
– Dad getting enemy uniform smuggled to walk in the camp and rescue his brothers.

– Mother pronouncing ‘Pork and cheese’ instead of Portuguese.

Click to get the video

– Dad being an animal lover with lots of animals and handy man always handy manning something.

– The family was doing so well because of his father that they had properties and farms and the kids went to one of the top private schools until one day they bought the wrong feed that killed all the animals and dad started drinking and getting violent so he left and mom didn’t let him back in. After that mom was struggling just to keep up with the schools uniform demands. A separate kit for each sport and semester.

– His entrepreneurial journey from failed paper rounds, selling fish to being a Native American selling jewellery to stand up comedy.

Click to get the video

– Chicken embryos are mentioned as a dish.

– The way he got funding for The Finished People feature film and then writing Footy Legends.

– His dads philosophy of – There’s now and there’s too late.

– He dedicated Rudyard Kipling’s poem ‘If’ to his comedy mentor Dave Grant which he was going to dedicate it to his dad.

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Mega 90’s at Metro City (Dr. Alban, Technotronic, The Real McCoy & 2 Unlimited) 17 March 2017

First of all the important bit. I finally got to meet one of my first heroes, my favourite producers and musical obsession DR. ALBAN! Has to be one of my most memorable days.

Now for the full story. My bro had gone to a previous Mega 90s event with other 90s starts like Haddaway, Corona, Blackbox etc. I just thought they were tribute acts so wasn’t too interested. Then find out it’s the real artists themselves! Oh well too late for that one and anyway it wasn’t Dr. Alban.

This time round it was and even though Prasheel insisted they weren’t tribute acts it took me a while to register. At first I was just going to book normal tickets until I saw the VIP option where you get to meet the star, 2 items autographed and photo op. OH YEAH! Back in the day I even mailed his studio to tell them I’ll leave everything even to clean their toilets if I get to be around the MD (Microphone Dentist).

Tickets booked an all but Oztix were pretty disorganised. Later on sending me an email saying that they’ll start at 8pm and on the day… LAST MINUTE sending an email staying the meet and greet will be at 6:00pm so be there by 5:30pm after artist finish their sound check. Had to drop everything I was doing to catch the busses and trains. Now where I live is pretty far and closer to farmland so had to wait a while for a bus. Usually the busses are small but since it was when kids finish school it was a bendy bus and packed full of school kids bringing the noise. My nose and throat weren’t doing too well since the day before so all the kids cooties made it worse. Oh well I can’t afford to get sick until after tonight!

I was still feeling bummed and Prasheel had opted for the VIP meet and greet to but he was going to be in meetings and all. Just before I got to Metro I blocked a van that turned into the back parking. Had a feeling it was the artists and IT WAS! Feeling like a groupie. I wanted to run in the back as I saw him come out! Anyway went to the front and looks like I was second there. Derrick in a wheelchair was there first to do a meet and greet with The Real McCoy. Now thats dedication. We chit and chat. More people come. Find out there are only 4 people up to see Dr. Alban which included 2 Russian dudes who just got to Perth that day. Reeking of vodka.

Gates open. I had planned everything I was going to tell Dr. Alban and instead of just pictures I’ll set the video on so it records a video and also whoever takes pics can capture that too. The non-english speaking Russian did a great job. Dr. Alban kept asking me which of his songs are popular in Perth but I was so gone I just saying the same thing. You can see his frustrated smile in the video. I was fanboying so badly! I even had to be reminded to get my 2 autographs so got my Straight Outta Kenya shirt signed. After the video was taken I just started jumping all over the place lol. Dude is still so built for a 59 year old.

Russian guys want to drink but it’s St. Patricks day so both the Irish pubs in Northbridge had queues. Take them to NBC for their drinks while I walk down to Utopia to catch up with the boys. I was still super early so go back to chill with the Russians and talk Ace of Base, Acapella, La Bouche etc. Back to Utopia with Vikas, Hems and Dilan (who by the way gave us the first Dr. Alban album… how perfect is this!?) Eat, drink, good company and chat. I’m still drying my underwear from the excitement.

Walk down to Metro. Meet Prasheel (we both used to chill and listen to these artists). The organiser told me he can get Prasheel to meet Dr. Alban before he performs so there was still hope. Prasheel gives me a tour or the stair maze that is Metro city. Chill and so glad Prasheel got his meet and greet. He requested Dr. Alban to play Let The Beat Go On.

Locals DJ Nick Skitz & MC James Spy get the party started. Did some awesome remixes of the 90s songs. Hard bass and live saxophone. NICE!

Dr. Alban is on first. He didn’t look too pleased with the sound and was pointing at the speaker a couple of times but otherwise best performance of the night and not only because it was Dr. Alban. Technotronic was next and as much as I want to support them for what they’re doing it felt like they were dragging that one main song for too long and then the other few bits not many people knew. The Real McCoy and MC Sar were next and MC still has that rough voice. They even got on the dance floor with the crowd. And finally 2 Unlimited with their dancers. The new lady singer reminds me of a skinny version of my crush LisaRaye McCoy. I thought the rapper Ray had gone to pursue his own rapping career but so glad to see him perform. Still so fast, live and gangsta!

All in all a great night with great company and I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve seen the inside of a club. The fact that I got to see these guys with the people I’ve shared these memories with from Dilan hooking my and my bro up with the music to seeing the artist with Prasheel who shares the same love since way back made all the magic. Oh and I got one of my longest wishes fulfilled, which incase I haven’t emphasised already…. ah you know it.

Doors: 8pm
Nick Skitz Set: 8pm
Dr Alban: 9pm
Technotronic: 9:30pm
DJ Nick Skitz Set: 10:00pm
Real McCoy: 10:30pm
2 Unlimited: 11:00pm
DJ Nick Skitz Set: following 2 Unlimited til Midnight
DJ TIMBEE – 90s Aftershow party – Midnight til late

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