Tag Archives: music

The Decision Book – 50 Models for Strategic Thinking by Mikael Krogerus & Roman Tschappeler

Click to get the book or ebook

Thanks to my bro Hems for giving me this book. I have used a few of the models and can tell you they have been a great help especially when my boy Mehul introduced me to the SMART and SWOT analysis. Those 2 really helped me figure out my own barriers and external barriers to getting the hell out of Kenya. The book is divided into 4 parts as you’ll see below in the contents. If all the models don’t have links just google them as it’s taking a lot of time finding the right models and links.

Notes:
– Apparently Visa is able to predict divorce rates based on credit-card data.
– Harrah’s Casino can predict a punter’s ‘losing pain threshold’ and their program alerts a warning which queues the ‘luck ambassador’ to entice the loser with a gift to stay and keep losing.
– Talks about the importance of drawing while talking with some do’s and don’ts.

Contents
Instructions for use.

HOW TO IMPROVE YOURSELF
The Eisenhower matrix: How to work more efficiently
The SWOT analysis: Howto find the right solution
The BCG box: Howto evaluate costs and benefits
The project portfolio matrix: Howto maintain an overview
The John Whitmore model: Am I pursuing the right goal?
The rubber band model: Howto deal with a dilemma
The feedback model: Dealing with other people’s compliments and criticisms
The family tree model: The contacts you should maintain
The morphological box and SCAMPER: Why you have to be structured to be creative
The Esquire gift model: How much to spend on gifts
The consequences model: Why it is important to make decisions promptly
The conflict resolution model: How to resolve a conflict elegantly
The crossroads model: So what next?

HOW TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF BETTER
The flow model: What makes you happy?
The Johari window: What others know about you
The cognitive dissonance model: Why people smoke when they know it’s unhealthy
The music matrix: What your taste in music says about you
The unimaginable model: What do you believe in that you cannot prove?
The Uffe Elbæk model: How to get to know yourself
The fashion model: How we dress
The energy model: Are you living in the here and now?
The SuperMemo model: How to remember everything you have ever learned
The political compass: What political parties stand for
The personal performance model: How to recognise whether you should change your job
The making-of model: To determine your future, first understand your past
The personal potential trap: Why it is better not to expect anything
The hype cycle: How to identify the next big thing
The subtle signals model: Why nuances matter
The network target model: What your friends say about you
The superficial knowledge model: Everything you don’t need to know

HOW TO UNDERSTAND OTHERS BETTER
The Swiss cheese model: How mistakes happen
The Maslow pyramids: What you actually need, what you actually want  (my preferred model is from Tony Robbins here)
Thinking outside the box:How to come up with brilliant ideas
The Sinus Milieu and Bourdieu models: Where you belong
The double-loop learning model: How to learn from your mistakes
The AI model: What kind of discussion type are you?
The small-world model: How small the world really is
The Pareto principle: Why 80 per cent of the output is achieved with 20 per cent of the input
The long-tail model: How the internet is transforming the economy
The Monte Carlo simulation: Why we can only approximate a definitive outcome
The black swan model: Why your experiences don’t make you any wiser
The chasm – the diffusion model: Why everybody has an iPod
The black box model: Why faith is replacing knowledge
The status model: How to recognise a winner
The prisoner’s dilemma: When is it worth trusting someone?

HOW TO IMPROVE OTHERS
The Drexler–Sibbet team performance model: How to turn a group into a team
The team model: Is your team up to the job? (REALLY GOOD ONE BUT CAN’T FIND THE RIGHT MODEL)
The gap-in-the-market model: How to recognise a bankable idea
The Hersey–Blanchard model (situational leadership): How to successfully manage your employees
The role-playing model: How to change your own point of view
The result optimisation model: Why the printer always breaks down just before a deadline
The world’s next top model: What can we learn from this book

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN
Drawing lesson
Drawing lesson
My models


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Why Osho Rajneesh Did Not Allow Non-Vegetarian Food in the Commune

Click to get book or ebook

I don’t allow non-vegetarian food in the ashram has nothing to do with religion, it is just pure aesthetics. I am not one who thinks that if you take non-vegetarian food you will not become enlightened. Jesus became enlightened, Mohammed became enlightened, Ramakrishna became enlightened — there has been no problem about it. You can take non-vegetarian food and you can become enlightened, so there is no religious problem about it. (Paras note: I know people who don’t eat meat that have tried to make themselves out as being more spiritual than meat eaters. To me that already shows ignorance on the path and their ‘level of enlightened-ness’.) To me the problem is that of aesthetics. Because Jesus continued to eat meat, I have a feeling that he did not have a great aesthetic sense. Not that he is not religious — he is perfectly religious, as religious as Buddha, but something is missing in him. Ramakrishna continued to eat fish; just nonaesthetic, it looks a little ugly. Enlightenment is not at stake, but your poetry is at stake, your sense of beauty is at stake. Your humanity is at stake, not your super-humanity. That’s why it is not allowed in my ashram — and it will not be allowed. It is a question of beauty. If you understand this many things will be clear to you. Alcohol can be allowed in this ashram but not meat, because alcohol is vegetarian — fruit juice…. fermented, but it is fruit juice. And sometimes to be a little drunk gives rise to great poetry. That is possible, that has to be allowed. In the new commune we are going to have a bar — Omar Khayyam. Omar Khayyam is a Sufi saint, one of the enlightened Sufis. But meat cannot be allowed, that is just ugly. Just to think that you are killing an animal to eat, just the very idea, is unaesthetic. I am not against it because the animal is killed… because that which is essential in the animal will live, it cannot be killed, and that which is nonessential, whether you kill it or not, is going to die. So that is irrelevant, that is not a point for me to consider. The question is not that you have killed the animal and killing is not good, no. The question is that you have killed the animal — you. Just to eat? While beautiful vegetarian food is available? If vegetarian food is not available, that’s one thing. But the food IS available. Then why? Then why destroy a body? And if you can kill an animal, then why not be a cannibal? What is wrong with killing a man? The meat derived from a human body will be more in tune with you. Why not start eating human beings? That too is a question of aesthetics. And the animals are brothers and sisters, because man has come from them. They are our family. To kill a man is only to kill an evolved animal, or to kill an animal is just to kill somebody who is not yet evolved but is on the way. It is the same. Whether you kill the child when he is in the first grade or whether you kill the young man when he has come to his last grade in the university, it does not make much difference. The animals are moving towards human beings, and human beings had once been animals. It is only a question of aesthetics. Why not kill your wife and eat her? She is so beautiful and so sweet…. Why can’t you eat your mother? Why can’t you eat your husband or your child? — so delicious. The question is not religious, I would like to remind you again, it is a question of aesthetics. An aesthetic man will see that life remains beautiful it does not become ugly and nightmarish. (Paras note: In this Kardashian world where people are so focused on physical beauty and booty I found a lovely quote – If only your eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how very different our ideals of beauty would be.) But the question has arisen in Chinmaya’s mind, that shows something. In India people who are vegetarian are not really vegetarian; it is just because they are born in a vegetarian family, so from the very beginning the vegetarianism has been imposed on them. And naturally they are curious, naturally they want to taste other things also, and naturally the idea arises, “The whole world is nonvegetarian; people must be enjoying.” The vegetarian feels that somehow he is missing much. That’s why the question has arisen. It has nothing to do with meditation. You can eat meat and you can meditate. You can eat meat and you can love. It has nothing to do with love either. But you will be showing one thing about yourself — that you are very crude, that you are very primitive, uncultured, uncivilized; that you don’t have any sense of how life should be. It was out of an aesthetic sense that vegetarianism was born. It became entangled in religion and got lost. It has been taken out from the religious context. People come to see me and they ask, a Jaina asked me, “How can you say that Jesus was enlightened? — because he was a meat-eater….” His question is relevant because he thinks that meat-eaters cannot become enlightened. Meat-eaters can become enlightened, just as people who are not poets can become enlightened. That is not a barrier. People who don’t have any sense of beauty, who will not see any beauty in a rose, can become enlightened… who will not see any beauty in the moon, can become enlightened… who will not have any taste for Beethoven’s music, can become enlightened. But Jesus shows something crude. Maybe it was not possible, maybe he lived amongst people who were all meat-eaters. It would have been difficult for him to be a vegetarian. It would have been almost impossible for him. But still, that trouble has to be taken. But remember that here my whole approach is an integrated approach. Meditation is needed, so is poetry, so is aesthetics, so is religion, so is music, so is art. Man should evolve in many dimensions in an integrated way. Then comes the ultimate flowering when all your petals have opened. And you will have greater joy and greater benediction in life. (Paras question: Why can’t we all just live in peace with each other. Why can’t we keep our noses out of each others plates and beliefs to ourselves? Do we need more reasons for separation? What school one goes to, what God one follows, what phone one has? Is it so hard to just let me eat my bacon and egg sandwich without the hysterics?)

Bonus – Osho on Intelligence (Veg food and Circumcision)

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Quit Your Job and Farm – Small Farm Ideas

Quit Your Job and Farm – Small Farm Ideas

Want to quit your job and become a farmer? That is exactly what all these folks did. Are you thinking about starting a small-scale, urban, hobby farming business or off grid living farm? Get my FREE Private Videos and FREE Ebooks, sign up at http://www.TarrinLupo.com
Then this video has what you need to get started. I interviewed 10 small farmers to get their tips on:

– organic chicken farming;
– goat farming;
– cattle farming;
– worm farming for profit;
– organic vegetable farming;
– maple syrup farming;
– aquaculture fish farming;
– aquaponics; and
– urban fruit tree farming.

Get inspired. Pick up some quick tips from these veteran small-scale farmers an relax as we take a quick trip into modern organic farming businesses across the United States.

0:58 What is organic farming?

2:42 Poultry Farming (Sandy Creek Farm, Brooklet, Ga)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sandy-…

6:55 Organic Chicken Farming (Savannah, Ga)

12:43 Goat farming (Bootleg Farm, Effingham, Ga)
http://bootlegfarm.net/

14:32 Beef Cattle Farming (Hunter Cattle Company, Brooklet, Ga)

Home

22:40 Worm Farming For Profit (Kachina Farms, Rincon, GA)
http://www.kachinafarms.net/

29:25 Organic Food Farming (Ogeechee River Gardens, Richmond Hill, Ga)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ogeech…

33:35 Maple Syrup Farm (Wohlschlegel’s Maple Farm Naples, NY)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Wohlsc…

36:32 Aquaculture Fish Farming and the H2OPE system (Ernest Hancock, Pheonix, Arizona)
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Front…

47.56 Aquaponics & fish farming business (Endless Food Systems Pheonix, AZ)

Aquaponic Kits & Growing Solutions

52:40 Urban Farming (Urban Farm, Phoenix, AZ)

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Jorden Page Music
Here, There Everywhere http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004…

Music
Title Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b…

This is the full documentary of “Screw This Job, I’m going to be a Farmer” By Dr. Tarrin P. Lupo

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Mega 90’s at Metro City (Dr. Alban, Technotronic, The Real McCoy & 2 Unlimited) 17 March 2017

First of all the important bit. I finally got to meet one of my first heroes, my favourite producers and musical obsession DR. ALBAN! Has to be one of my most memorable days.

Now for the full story. My bro had gone to a previous Mega 90s event with other 90s starts like Haddaway, Corona, Blackbox etc. I just thought they were tribute acts so wasn’t too interested. Then find out it’s the real artists themselves! Oh well too late for that one and anyway it wasn’t Dr. Alban.

This time round it was and even though Prasheel insisted they weren’t tribute acts it took me a while to register. At first I was just going to book normal tickets until I saw the VIP option where you get to meet the star, 2 items autographed and photo op. OH YEAH! Back in the day I even mailed his studio to tell them I’ll leave everything even to clean their toilets if I get to be around the MD (Microphone Dentist).

Tickets booked an all but Oztix were pretty disorganised. Later on sending me an email saying that they’ll start at 8pm and on the day… LAST MINUTE sending an email staying the meet and greet will be at 6:00pm so be there by 5:30pm after artist finish their sound check. Had to drop everything I was doing to catch the busses and trains. Now where I live is pretty far and closer to farmland so had to wait a while for a bus. Usually the busses are small but since it was when kids finish school it was a bendy bus and packed full of school kids bringing the noise. My nose and throat weren’t doing too well since the day before so all the kids cooties made it worse. Oh well I can’t afford to get sick until after tonight!

I was still feeling bummed and Prasheel had opted for the VIP meet and greet to but he was going to be in meetings and all. Just before I got to Metro I blocked a van that turned into the back parking. Had a feeling it was the artists and IT WAS! Feeling like a groupie. I wanted to run in the back as I saw him come out! Anyway went to the front and looks like I was second there. Derrick in a wheelchair was there first to do a meet and greet with The Real McCoy. Now thats dedication. We chit and chat. More people come. Find out there are only 4 people up to see Dr. Alban which included 2 Russian dudes who just got to Perth that day. Reeking of vodka.

Gates open. I had planned everything I was going to tell Dr. Alban and instead of just pictures I’ll set the video on so it records a video and also whoever takes pics can capture that too. The non-english speaking Russian did a great job. Dr. Alban kept asking me which of his songs are popular in Perth but I was so gone I just saying the same thing. You can see his frustrated smile in the video. I was fanboying so badly! I even had to be reminded to get my 2 autographs so got my Straight Outta Kenya shirt signed. After the video was taken I just started jumping all over the place lol. Dude is still so built for a 59 year old.

Russian guys want to drink but it’s St. Patricks day so both the Irish pubs in Northbridge had queues. Take them to NBC for their drinks while I walk down to Utopia to catch up with the boys. I was still super early so go back to chill with the Russians and talk Ace of Base, Acapella, La Bouche etc. Back to Utopia with Vikas, Hems and Dilan (who by the way gave us the first Dr. Alban album… how perfect is this!?) Eat, drink, good company and chat. I’m still drying my underwear from the excitement.

Walk down to Metro. Meet Prasheel (we both used to chill and listen to these artists). The organiser told me he can get Prasheel to meet Dr. Alban before he performs so there was still hope. Prasheel gives me a tour or the stair maze that is Metro city. Chill and so glad Prasheel got his meet and greet. He requested Dr. Alban to play Let The Beat Go On.

Locals DJ Nick Skitz & MC James Spy get the party started. Did some awesome remixes of the 90s songs. Hard bass and live saxophone. NICE!

Dr. Alban is on first. He didn’t look too pleased with the sound and was pointing at the speaker a couple of times but otherwise best performance of the night and not only because it was Dr. Alban. Technotronic was next and as much as I want to support them for what they’re doing it felt like they were dragging that one main song for too long and then the other few bits not many people knew. The Real McCoy and MC Sar were next and MC still has that rough voice. They even got on the dance floor with the crowd. And finally 2 Unlimited with their dancers. The new lady singer reminds me of a skinny version of my crush LisaRaye McCoy. I thought the rapper Ray had gone to pursue his own rapping career but so glad to see him perform. Still so fast, live and gangsta!

All in all a great night with great company and I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve seen the inside of a club. The fact that I got to see these guys with the people I’ve shared these memories with from Dilan hooking my and my bro up with the music to seeing the artist with Prasheel who shares the same love since way back made all the magic. Oh and I got one of my longest wishes fulfilled, which incase I haven’t emphasised already…. ah you know it.

Doors: 8pm
Nick Skitz Set: 8pm
Dr Alban: 9pm
Technotronic: 9:30pm
DJ Nick Skitz Set: 10:00pm
Real McCoy: 10:30pm
2 Unlimited: 11:00pm
DJ Nick Skitz Set: following 2 Unlimited til Midnight
DJ TIMBEE – 90s Aftershow party – Midnight til late


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Weekend TEFL Coursebook from i-to-i – May 2011

Weekend TEFL Coursebook from i-to-i – May 2011
So I did this course around May 2011 and mostly to have a backup plan for my move to Poland. I was doing my regular vairagya / voluntary simplicity / clearing up and came across this lovely book. Screenshots below are for personal use as tenses are very confusing. The course was great and we were given so many resources. The course mates I’ve kept in touch with seem to be on their lovely journey. I usually have a journal entry on my blog or private files but cannot find the TEFL adventure to link it.

Table of Contents
Introduction to the Weekend TEFL Course
Module One: Teaching Language Structures to Our Students
Introductions and warmers
Getting to know one another
Interactive practice activities
Practising structures

Module Two: Eliciting the Target Language
How a teacher elicits
Understanding the importance of using a target language

Module Three: Arranging Your Class
The fundamentals of classroom management
Keeping your students moving

Module Four: Introduction to Grammar Terminology
A quick introduction to grammar terminology
Running board activities
Matching activities

Module Five: A Foreign Language Lesson
The experience of learning a new language
Eliciting techniques
Modelling the target language

Module Six: Using Classroom Props
Pictures
Flash cards
Realia (objects)

Module Seven: Using Body Language to Teach
Mime
Gestures
Facial expressions

Module Eight: Using the Board
Writing structures and vocabulary
Drawing pictures
Showing meaning

Module Nine: The Meanings and Functions of Language
Learning English through functions and meaning
Using different registers

Module Ten: Class Levels
Understanding the different levels of students
How to determine a student’s level
Looking at students’ contrasting abilities in writing and speaking

Module Eleven: Teaching Structure and Meaning
Teaching the meaning of structures
Asking concept questions
Time lines
The importance of natural pronunciation
Highlighting the form of structures

Module Twelve: Practice Activities
How to plan and prepare practice activities in a lesson
Controlled practice v. free practice
Information gap activities

Module Thirteen: Planning a Lesson
Writing a grammar-based lesson plan
The PPP method

Module Fourteen: Teaching Practice #1
Preparing a lesson
Teaching a lesson
Receiving feedback from your peers and your tutor

Module Fifteen: Qualities of an EFL Teacher
What makes a good teacher?
How to use role-play in the classroom

Module Sixteen: The Sounds of English
Pronunciation
Stress
Intonation
Accent

Module Seventeen: Teaching the Four Skills
Receptive skills
Productive skills

Module Eighteen: Using Music to Teach English
The pros and cons of using music
Music activities

Module Nineteen: The Tenses of the English Language
The thirteen tense constructions in the English language
Looking at tense constructions in clauses
Labelling words in English structures

Module Twenty: Correcting Students’ Errors
Positive strategies of error correction
Correcting oral and written errors

Module Twenty-One: English Examinations
English exams commonly used around the world

Module Twenty-Two: Teaching Practice #2
Final teaching practice
Grammar-based lessons
Skills-based lessons
Controlled and free practice

Module Twenty-Three: Finding Work
Working in the UK and abroad
Applying for a TEFL position
Useful publications
Useful addresses
Books and websites

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Anthony Robbins’ – Six Human Needs & Healing/Rebuilding Broken Relationships

Tony Robbins’ 6 Human Needs vs. Maslow’s Hierarchy
Click to get – Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical & Financial Destiny! book or ebook

1. Certainty
All human beings crave a certain level of safety, assurance and predictability in our lives, for this is the foundation of our most basic behaviour: survival. When things are VERY uncertain, we tend to be freaked out! Which causes us to reach for different vehicles of comfort such as friends/family, television, or alcohol. And once we’re at a level where we feel certain there are no more dangers, we can relax and actually focus on the other needs. So this is one spectrum where the need for certainty is entirely UNMET, hence causing nerve-wrecking stress and pain. Everyone requires different levels of certainty in their lives. Paras note: I know I need my routines and rituals like work, gym, meditation, service.

2. Variety
Another word for uncertainty is variety. We all need a change of scenery every now and then, watch a new movie, travel to a new country. For this is what makes life exciting because we DON’T know what to expect, but the uncertainty level is still tolerable enough that we know in the end the variety will bring us pleasure. Too much uncertainty will bring us fear, while not enough will cause boredom. So really the first two needs are pieces of the same pie, if my need for uncertainty is at 70%, then my need for certainty will only be at 30%. Paras note: I’m certain to cycling to and from work everyday but I can add variety by trying different routes, listening to different music or trying different speeds/gears/cadence. I’m certain my gym workout will have variety everyday.

Click to get the book or ebook

3. Significance
Deep down, we all need to feel that we are important, unique, and special, and this can be manifested in many ways. One vehicle for people is by becoming high achiever, because having those distinctions makes people feel important. But along the need for importance, a poor vehicle some people use is by putting down other, for that makes them feel like they are better than another. Another popular vehicle is acting/dressing in a eccentric way, many people take pride in being different and unique for that’s what fulfills their need for significance. BUT if we strive for TOO much significance and uniqueness, we end up totally different than everyone else which violates our very next need.

4. Connection
We all strive for a level of connection with our peers, whether that be in terms of a friendship or intimate relationship. The core of all human connections are based on similarities or sameness with one another, but if we are too busy being significant we rarely feel connected or similar to someone else. Hence again, the need for significance and connection are sharing the same piece of the pie. If our need for connection is NOT being met, we feel alone and disjointed from people. But if it’s met entirely, we no longer feel different or unique from other, hence losing our own identity and violating our need for significance.

Click to get – Anthony Robbins’ Personal Power II: The Driving Force! (25 CD Set)

5. Growth
Everything is either growing or dying, there’s no in between. And human beings are no exception, we must feel like we are constantly growing in our lives. Many people’s goal is to reach a certain financial target, or style of life, but when they get there, they become stagnant. While others might envy what these people have or achieve, they themselves are unhappy because they’re not growing anymore. They’ve reached the plateau, and there are no more mountains to climb. But we all NEED something to strive for, something that’ll challenge us to grow and take our lives to the next level.

6. Contribution
Aside from ourselves, we all desire to make a difference and contribute to the greater good. In essence, Philanthropy is a universal need for everyone, it DOESN’T depend on the person, for everything must serve a purpose in the big ecosystem. So we as human beings all have a deep desire to contribute outside of ourselves, whether that’s manifested in the friendship circle, community, society, or country as a whole.

Other notes:

  • Sometimes we do thinks like smoking to fulfil these needs so stopping smoking will be replaced with something else.
  • People will do more for someone they care about than they do for themselves.
  • Be a team player.
  • Find ways to do this is connect with the person you connect least with. (Talks about a few exercises to do)
  • Create magic moments with your team.
  • Take 1 hour a week for yourself.

Tony Robbins How to Rebuild a Broken Relationship

Key notes:
Him
He loves her but doesn’t feel physically attracted to her. He wants to be free of pain of leaving or staying so doesn’t know what to do. It’s not just her physical appearance. He doesn’t feel like a man in the relationship as she’s got balls. He feels 5th, 6th, 7th after family and kids. So he buries himself in work. If they can’t succeed in making his woman happy, HE WILL LEAVE! He can’t live knowing that he’s not the most important person to her. He feels alone as she has her family as back up which she constantly uses to go to for her needs. He couldn’t be the man while the dad was alive and now that dad is not alive he has a chance but he’s not getting it.

Her
She loves and over does. Has a sense of humour. She goes to family under pressure. She tries to find connection through kids, other family members and food. She gets help from her family and he’s emasculated. She uses her sense of humour to put him down. She dominates the conversation and holds on to it to get to him later or tries to control the conversation any way possible. Her father was a strong man and she played the perfect role as a strong man too. She is looked about to be the man, lift things etc. She shit tests him and when he failed she went masculine/defensive and pulled away and he pulled away.

6 Question to Understanding Relationship Needs
1. Who is taking certainty and significance? (She gets it from family and children, he gets it from threatening to leave)
2. How to lay down the weapons? (She uses humour and dominating conversation)
3. What (above 6) needs are not being met? When Certainty is above all else it makes the others hard to fulfil like Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution. If she switched her priority to be Connection/Love it would be much easier to fulfil the other needs. Change any digit in a phone number and you know what happens.
4. How are these needs being met elsewhere? When both partners are getting their needs met elsewhere, what are they to each other.
5. How can they give to each other? What can you give the other. Do they like words, gifts, touch? Do you know what to give? How often do you give it?
6. How can they commit to each other? Renewal of vows. Whats is the one thing I can commit to my partner, what do they want more than anything else?

Exercise
– Find out your top 2 needs.
– How do you meet those needs? Work, home, friends, relatives, by yourself?
– What has to happen to feel they’re being met?
– How often does it have to happen and with whom?
– Are you more responsive to words, touch, visual cues, gifts, gestures?
– What could your partner do to meet your needs more regularly? Have you told them?
– At what level are you meeting your partners needs on a scale from 1 to 10.
– If you are not sure ask them ‘what has to happen for you to feel this need has been met?’.
– Which of these needs are being met by outside members? Who are they?
– Are you getting more significance, love or variety from others and is your partner jealous or displaced by this?
– Are you getting them met by someone critical or judgemental of your partner? If it is you need to correct it. Call that person and tell them you love them, happy with them and need each other. Observe their reaction.

3 Levels of Relationship
1 – Only their own needs met.
2 – Partners barter for needs.
3 – Partners put the others need first.

Tony Robbins – Heal your relationship no matter what

Key notes:
– While she remembers all the details he doesn’t.
– Everyone withholds in relationships but it has a detrimental effect. How much do you withhold, how often?
– All men want to make their woman happy but she’s constantly breaking him down using the past. No matter what he does it’s never good enough.
– If she doesn’t make him feel like a man, he will go and get it somewhere else. It’s not always sexual but he will find a way to get the energy he needs to survive as a man.
– He’s deadened because she’s sad all the time, no matter what he does it’s no use. In that case it’s better he stays at work or the bar or elsewhere.
– 67% of marriages end in US after 1993.
– She didn’t say anything about his needs, it was all about her.
– Stabbing a man will not make him want to work harder to be close to you?
– She wants attention ALL THE TIME! Men don’t have that much attention, she wants to talk about her problem but men think that means she wants to solve them. In that case it’s better he stays at work or the bar or elsewhere.
– (Time 52.50) Men and women have different attention styles. Men are hunters, they want to solve a problem, get it done and hopefully get some love and appreciation instead of nagging when they get back home. Things have changed now but not genetics. Men just want to know 2 things – WHATS THE POINT and HOW CAN I FIX IT. Women are gatherers who need to remember more detail, this berry was here and which one to pick etc. If it wasn’t for detail pick the wrong berry and you’ll die. Also process is very important to women. If you don’t cook this and that right then again it’ll be too acidic or you’ll die. That’s women’s conversation style – ‘The Meadow Report’. Every detail times 10. His wife does a perfect example. It’s fine when women do it to each other but not when they think their man are a hairy women who need the same Meadow Report because if a woman replied short and sweet like a man they don’t trust that woman. The Meadow Report doesn’t have any point while men are looking for the point so if you do have a point make sure you get it in the first few minutes.
– Women remember because they use both sides of the brain and connect emotions to everything.
– Anchor/reward him when he does things you like or want him to do. The more you do it the more he’ll want to please you. GET THIS THROUGH – HE ALWAYS WANTS TO PLEASE YOU! Even after watching a movie or something he picks he’ll looking for your approval so when you say you didn’t like something he wants to change the movie. THATS HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO PLEASE YOU!
– Women have a fear for their life every month while hardly any men do. Difference between hunter and gatherer. Women are looking for a man they can feel safe with. And men will take care of you no matter what if they don’t feel judged and criticised.
– Once she starts making him feel bad he’s going to beat himself up too and that gets destructive. That need to want to help and rescue will turn into suspicion and broken trust if she uses her pain/trouble to manipulate him.
– Cool thought: If a bone is broken and it fixes it will be stronger than before, if a client is upset and you fix it they will be an even better client. Same for relationships.

Steps to take:
1 – Both couples are accountable meaning not 50-50 but each side is 100% accountable. Take ownership, be honest about your mistakes, focus on what’s working and what you can do better.
2 – The 6 human needs. See above. How are you fulfilling all 6 in each other on a scale of 1 to 10.
3 – Create rituals of giving and receiving. You can take or request attention or you can give it. The problem is when you get addicted to getting attention through guilt and pain. It’s a low quality attention.
4 – Inspire trust in each other. When you feel the other has your best interest at heart. Learn each others communicate style and don’t make them feel bad. Hunters should bring home a small gift every now and then and the gatherer should show appreciation for the effort. Even if it’s something you don’t like appreciate that the hunter went and got something for them.
5 – Heal wounds and create passion. Everyone has flaws they avoid. They only heal with consistent love and acceptance.


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