Tag Archives: Videos

Deep Inner Game DVD Set – David DeAngelo featuring Dr. Paul Dobransky and Richard aka Billy

​Around 2005-2007 I was getting out of a bad place. David Deangelo and Dr. Paul Dobransky taught me something deeper than this. One of the few videos I’ve still kept for personal development. Deep Inner Game DVD 6 to be specific ;o)

Dr. Paul Dobransky

Self esteem: You (and groups) have boundaries and doors. Depending on what you’d like to open doors to e.g. win-win situations. You decide!

This picture shows Colleagues, Women, Family and Community as the boundaries and the doors to them.

When it comes to groups like a company you want to join, the company has it’s own boundaries and so do the individuals in the company. Together they have a set of shared ideas (mission statement). If the individuals have poor boundaries like anger, it will come on to you.

Here an innovator (R&D) of the company is pushing the boundaries and if it sits well, that is how much the company’s boundary will grow too.

This shows what happens if the innovator goes too far and tries to pull in others. They end up forming a cult which wouldn’t last too long.

When you have been doing things that are ethically wrong and you use your observing ego to see that it’s not right. You decide to close the door on yourself after raising your conscience.

Intention needs a right balance of the 4. Education, Intuition, Conscience, Experience. Fun fact: The literal translation for Sin in Aramaic is to ‘miss the mark’ which is much more forgiving than what the shame the preacher man makes you feel.

Wussy concept – Has a lot of holes in his boundaries and would rather get a woman/mommy/daddy to get come in and take over the decision making. For decision making: Conscience vs. Intuition. Intellect: Education vs. Experience. Emotional energy: Well-being vs. Confidence. (Paras note: The well-being/nurturing and courage bit really helped me as those are mother and father traits respectively and I needed to be my own parent to fix a lot of things – Personal story here).

Individuation is where you start going out on your own to figure things out after your parents have taught you (if they’re present or parent figures) as best as they can. You start to explore different groups and figure out your boundaries. Until you’re totally independent of your parents. Connected to all these groups but still separate and distinct. I hope the text explains what the images can’t and vice versa.

Richard aka Billy


Made his mind up to lose weight no matter what it takes and in turn helped his game with women. A lot of it is inner game stuff. I’m not sure if I can share the videos of these as his big is really funny so will try to include it. Otherwise I’ll just summarise the inner game stuff.

Click to get the book

People have made phenomenal changes just by changing their belief systems. E.g. A man had a lip growth and was told it’s a curse and will die straight after so his whole appearance changed over night, lost weight, hair colour changed, etc. Until his follow up with the doctor who removed it and just said it was scar tissue after which he recovered.

You made up who you are so you can go in and see if that is still what you want to create. You are not who you think you are and you can start architecting yourself. Your bring is constantly telling you you will fail so rewrite it and instruct it the way you want.

His favourite affirmations are – Things just work out for me in life. My life just keeps getting better and better everyday. I am strong, powerful, committed and driven. I adapt and overcome at lightening speed. I’m comfortable with hot women being attracted to me (pre-supposition). I am the power. Build your own that speak to you.

Trust your unconscious.

Make a mental note of where you have come from and how strong you are.

Quote from the movie Heat (paraphrased): Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner..

On Emotional Control and Building Status

Stop seeking other peoples approval. If you’re not on your journey for you and your life then it’s all BS.

Self appointment. If you don’t live for you others will decide who you are and what you’re about. The self esteem you get from this does a lot. Martial arts reference about being committed to the path and not the destination. Masters have masters and they have masters. Practice and fail to get better as more knowledge is gained from the failures. The reason you’re not successful enough is because you’ve not failed enough, fail more and faster (Robert Kiyosaki). You train over and over until you do it unconsciously. (Paras note: This part took me back to when I really got into fixing myself and I have to admit all this information has become pretty basic to me but I am very grateful for it and we could always do with a refresher.)

Gaining Leverage: When you get angry ask if it’s worth getting angry about and learn from it or use it in better ways. Is it really worth it. Acceptance vs. resistance. Decision vs. indecision. Victim/injustice vs. life student.

Goes with the attitude of him going through things no one will ever face, know what others are too ignorant to comprehend and may look dumb for a while but in this path he’s get stronger and much further down the path than others will ever go. Taking pride in the failures.

Mind being like a garden metaphor (I love this bit): Everyday you have to pull weeds. Maybe you go through a time where you’re pulling weeds everyday. Then you go through a time where you’re hoeing ;oP. And after you’re doing hoeing, it’s time to plan your seed. (Pull weeds, not pull YOUR weed ;op).

The greats reinvent themselves. You can too.

Develop a panic room in your mind. A safe spot where nothing can truly hurt you.

People do stupid things. It’s them not you. Don’t internalise it or take it personally.

Let yourself be human and forgive yourself. Nearly everyone has been through what you’re going through at some point in their lives. (Reads a nice part from the Emotional Resilience book).

Click to get the DVD program

David DeAngelo – Deep Inner Game – DVD 6 – Chapters
Total film length : 01:52:20:03
Chapter 01 = 00:00:00:00 – Politics
Chapter 02 = 00:13:40:00 – Group Boundaries
Chapter 03 = 00:21:27:50 – Ethics
Chapter 04 = 00:33:19:00 – Forgiveness
Chapter 05 = 00:39:34:00 – Wussy
Chapter 06 = 00:47:38:50 – Individuation
Chapter 07 = 00:52:16:50 – Introduction
Chapter 08 = 00:55:13:00 – Richard
Chapter 09 = 01:01:53:50 – Who You’re Not
Chapter 10 = 01:09:35:50 – The Mind Virus
Chapter 11 = 01:18:03:00 – Emotional Control
Chapter 12 = 01:24:05:00 – Gaining Leverage
Chapter 13 = 01:31:57:00 – Depression
Chapter 14 = 01:42:39:00 – Let Yourself Be Human

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Quit Your Job and Farm – Small Farm Ideas

Quit Your Job and Farm – Small Farm Ideas

Want to quit your job and become a farmer? That is exactly what all these folks did. Are you thinking about starting a small-scale, urban, hobby farming business or off grid living farm? Get my FREE Private Videos and FREE Ebooks, sign up at http://www.TarrinLupo.com
Then this video has what you need to get started. I interviewed 10 small farmers to get their tips on:

– organic chicken farming;
– goat farming;
– cattle farming;
– worm farming for profit;
– organic vegetable farming;
– maple syrup farming;
– aquaculture fish farming;
– aquaponics; and
– urban fruit tree farming.

Get inspired. Pick up some quick tips from these veteran small-scale farmers an relax as we take a quick trip into modern organic farming businesses across the United States.

0:58 What is organic farming?

2:42 Poultry Farming (Sandy Creek Farm, Brooklet, Ga)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sandy-…

6:55 Organic Chicken Farming (Savannah, Ga)

12:43 Goat farming (Bootleg Farm, Effingham, Ga)
http://bootlegfarm.net/

14:32 Beef Cattle Farming (Hunter Cattle Company, Brooklet, Ga)

Home

22:40 Worm Farming For Profit (Kachina Farms, Rincon, GA)
http://www.kachinafarms.net/

29:25 Organic Food Farming (Ogeechee River Gardens, Richmond Hill, Ga)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ogeech…

33:35 Maple Syrup Farm (Wohlschlegel’s Maple Farm Naples, NY)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Wohlsc…

36:32 Aquaculture Fish Farming and the H2OPE system (Ernest Hancock, Pheonix, Arizona)
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Front…

47.56 Aquaponics & fish farming business (Endless Food Systems Pheonix, AZ)

Aquaponic Kits & Growing Solutions

52:40 Urban Farming (Urban Farm, Phoenix, AZ)

Home

Jorden Page Music
Here, There Everywhere http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004…

Music
Title Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b…

This is the full documentary of “Screw This Job, I’m going to be a Farmer” By Dr. Tarrin P. Lupo

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Regional Resource Recovery Centre Tour 12 Nov 2016 with Patrick

Regional Resource Recovery Centre Tour 12 Nov 2016 with Patrick

2016-11-12-10-28-31
Map of the facility

Waste Composting Facility video.
https://www.facebook.com/Recycle.Right.with.WREN/videos/1149795431759652/

– Broken glass HAS to go to recycling.
– Look up compostible bin liners. As opposed to biodegradable ones.
– Tour of the garden.
– Tour of the green waste processing where mulch is made. Sold by Richgro.
– Tour of the recycling facility – All glass gets broken up and ends up as road base.

Reinventing Your Recycling / Materials Recovery Facility Video
https://www.facebook.com/Recycle.Right.with.WREN/videos/1246810738724787/

– Don’t bag recycling!!!!!!!!!! Especially if it’s tied up it won’t be recycled for safety reasons.
– 22000 yellow tipped bins come in everyday.
– No shredded paper in recycling.
– Verge stuff just goes straight to the tip after the metal is taken out.

Link to the facebook event – https://www.facebook.com/events/357613621244063/

Bonus:
Green Waste Facility Video
https://www.facebook.com/Recycle.Right.with.WREN/videos/1221464467926081/

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Community Movie Night – ‘Streetfilms: Bikes and Open Streets’ by Transition Town Mount Hawthorn Oct 12th 2016

Short films
Community Movie Night – ‘Streetfilms: Bikes and Open Streets’ by Transition Town Mount Hawthorn
Notes:
– The event was held at Foyer Oxford which itself does a lot of great and interesting things which I will look into later.
– City of Vincent’s Mayor John Carey had a chat with us after the movies and got us very inspired. What they’ve been doing is: how streets are shaped determine our lives. Educational programs, bike hire programs, triples investment in trees, 40 speed zone trial, write to Perth voice and demand change, push the boundaries, don’t do a study of consequences do a trial.
– Half way through we took a break to talk about why and how much we cycle and what were the obstacles or what would get more people cycling.
– I’ll just copy and paste the write up from the facebook event below as I want to get the videos in first.

1. Bicycle Anecdotes from Amsterdam

2. Cargo Bikes in Copenhagen

3. Cambridge: Britain’s Cycling Capital

4. Vancouver’s Breathtaking Network of Safe, Protected Bike Lanes

5. Bikes are Freedom: Inspiration from the Experts

Second Half – The Global Open Streets Movement (33min)
6. Ciclovia: Bogota, Colombia

7. The Rise of Open Streets

8. “The Better Block” Celebrates Four Years of Re-imagining Streets

9. The Metamophosis of NYC Street

10. Playstreets (1968)
(Can’t find it but basically lots of kids playing around and enjoying the open streets way way way back in the day.)

 

 

Be prepared to be truly INSPIRED by these AMAZING short films by Streetfilms – the go-to organization for educational films about sustainable transportation, car-free streets, traffic calming and much more.
We will be showing the following STREETFILMS at 630pm on Wednesday 12 October 2016 at Foyer Oxford, 196 Oxford Street, Leederville.
First Half – Bike Initiatives Around the World (33min)
1. Bicycle Anecdotes from Amsterdam
2. Cargo Bikes in Copenhagen
3. Cambridge: Britain’s Cycling Capital
4. Vancouver’s Breathtaking Network of Safe, Protected Bike Lanes
5. Bikes are Freedom: Inspiration from the Experts
Second Half – The Global Open Streets Movement (33min)
6. Ciclovia: Bogota, Colombia
7. The Rise of Open Streets
8. “The Better Block” Celebrates Four Years of Re-imagining Streets
9. The Metamophosis of NYC Street
10. Playstreets (1968)

“All of you are great human beings who are planting seeds all over to make a better world, where people are happier and we have healthier communities. Thanks for your enthusiastic and most creative work.”-Gil Peñalosa (former Parks Commissioner Bogota, Colombia)Executive Director, Walk & Bike For LifeOntario, Canada
” Showing the [Ciclovia] Streetfilm to our Mayor was the next best thing to flying him to Bogota to witness the joys of Ciclovia firsthand. The success of San Francisco’s Sunday Streets owes a great debt to Streetfilms’ pioneering work.” – Leah Shahum (Executive Director, San Francisco Bicycle Coalition)
Event Details
Doors open at 630pm. Films start at 7pm.
Running time approx 88 minutes (including breaks in between films).
Bring your own food and non-alcoholic drinks.
Gold coin donations welcome (for cost of future screenings).
We look forward to seeing you there :)

For more information about Transition Town Mount Hawthorn go to: www.ttmthawthorn.org
For more information about Foyer Oxford go to: www.foyeroxford.org.au/

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Paul Chambers Builds Off-grid Mobile Home with 2 Containers

Paul Chambers had began building a home out of two shipping containers as a project, but when his wife got tired of suburbia and put their four-bedroom home on the market, his project became the couple’s full-time home.

Click to get ebook

Paul and Sarah Chambers were living in rural Scotland when Paul received a job offer in Australia. They packed their belongings and moved to a large home with a pool in an Australian suburb. After only a few months, they began to tire of spending so much of their income on their home. They also felt they’d lost touch with nature and a more active lifestyle (“there weren’t even any trails for walking”, explains Sarah).

So they sold their home and moved with Paul’s “project”: two shipping containers he’d been transforming into a kitchen/bathroom + bedroom/living room. They found someone willing to let them park their new home on their rural property in exchange for making improvements to the land.

When the couple first moved onto the property, the home was a very simple shelter and over the following three years, they built the containers into a proper home.

“There was a tv show that came up in the last couple of years… it was a reality show where contestants were going to build a shipping container house in a day and I was just incredulous thinking how were they going to pull this one off because I’d been at it for two and a half years. It turns out they were just decorating a ‘Wendy house’ and they never actually lived in it so they never got to find out just how bad their design was. They would have froze and they would have been miserable.”

Click to get ebook

“There’s as much effort goes into building a shipping container house as there is in a real house because you need real insulation, you need to make it warm, you need flowing water, you need power points, it’s a real house.”

Their home is completely off the electric and water grids. When they first moved to the bush they used a 3kw Honda generator, but they’ve since installed 2Kw of photovoltaic panels and a bank of batteries and phased out the generator. They have enough energy to power their home with all its conventional appliances, including a standard fridge/freezer. For heating, they rely on firewood (collected from fallen trees on the property; they have “not cut down a single tree”). For air conditioning, they use fans and AC “during really hot days”.

In the beginning they had to rely on water deliveries, but Paul has since installed an extensive rainwater capture setup- both on the roof and gutters beneath the home- which provides for all their water needs: 65 square meters of rain water collection in 10,000 liters of storage. The indoor bathroom includes a shower, but Paul built an outdoor, open air bathtub which they heat with solar in the summertime.

They’ve also created an extensive vegetable garden inside a netted garden cage (after the animals and hot sun destroyed their first attempts). For eggs, they have two hen houses.

Paul has published an ebook explaining how he built the home including a step-by-step guide: buying and moving shipping containers, a wiring diagram and schematics, installing solar panels and a breakdown of costs (He has also been creating his own videos detailing the process).

“Could anyone do this?,” responds Paul to my question. “It’s been a lot of effort and it takes persistence. I’d say persistence is probably the key to it.”

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Negotiation and Conflict Resolution by Open2Study

The course can be found at https://www.open2study.com/ Each module had 10 videos, 9 quizzes and 1 assessment to be completed in the week of the module.
Thanks Bindi for the link.

Module 1: Thinking Like a Negotiator
1: When Should We Negotiate?
– Negotiation is problem solving between people who are in an interdependent relationship. They depend on each other.
– It involves concessions. Giving something up to the other side. Can be material, financial, effort, etc.
– Negotiation is a learned skill.
– There is negotiation of Opportunity and of Necessity. Opportunity is not compulsory but there is a chance. Necessity is the one you HAVE TO undertake.

2: Exploring Different Negotiation Styles
– Distributive negotiations are finite amount of resources. Only focus on certain things or a single thing and not interested in what else can be brought to the table. Like 60-40, win-lose. Integrative negotiation also known as win-win negotiation is getting common ground and see what else there is to bring to the table. So 50-50 wont work as someone may need more time or more resources and justifies that.
– Zero sum game means there is only so much.

3: The Language of Negotiation
– Positions are usually a starting point. We need so and so by Monday or 5,000 bob final offer.
– Interests sit behind the positions. Things that drive you like why you want something.
– In general terms, a position is what you want and an interest is why you want it.
– It’s better to focus on interests as they are malleable.
– Example is saying ‘The only SOLUTION is’ vs. ‘I think an OPTION is’.
– If the other side gives you a position you could ignore it or look at the interest behind the position to see how you can work on that. Ask why they are taking the position.

4: Thinking Strategically
– Strategy is a predetermined approach with contingencies. If this then that.
– Use the Conflict Styles Matrix/Framework. The image will explain better. Note: Accommodation in the video is called Yielding.  (Image – http://righttojoy.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Assertive-vs-Cooperative-Graph-e1292028964610.jpg)
– Remember to use the right strategy for the right situation. E.g. Over using Competing strategy will look like there is a conflict everywhere and the need to win all the time. While Avoiding strategy will feel they can’t achieve things.

5: Shifting Your Perspective
– Myopia is tunnel vision. A stronger sense of Empathy for the other side is needed. And not seeing it as a sign of weakness. Exercise: Write down a conflict you are in but from the other side and how you’re contributing to the conflict.

6: Thinking Errors in Negotiation #1
– Cognitive heuristic is the brain taking shortcuts e.g. always trust people in uniforms/well dressed. And you need to find ways to not do it.
-3 ways to reframe as below.
a) Interests based approach. E.g. can we see the best way to use our resources to benefit both of us.
b) Rights based approach. E.g. I have a right to a share of resources too.
c) Power based approach. E.g. My work is more important than yours.
– There are also win and lose frame. Better to avoid loss framing.

7: Thinking Errors in Negotiation #2
– Availability bias: mental shortcut that relies on immediate examples that come to a given person’s mind when evaluating a specific topic, concept, method or decision. If information is presented in an easily digestible way, it is likely to be more appealing and convincing than information that is more complex.
– If information is readily accessible, it may not necessarily be reliable.

8: Thinking Errors in Negotiation #3
– Anchoring bias: Making sense of what you’re getting it by comparing it with what you know. Using a good anchor like when buying a house you can see what the surrounding houses cost.
– Someone offers 20k for you wanting to sell for 35k when the fair price is 25. They come up to 25 so you go down to 30 to match their offer and then you say lets meet halfway and both agree to 27.5k where you win 2.5k.

9: Thinking Errors in Negotiation #4
– The Irrational Escalation of Commitment: Avoiding losing face, talk badly about others and more than whats on the table, losing sense of perspective and not thinking rationally about what is at hand. Getting stuck in a cycle of commitment to recoup sunk costs. Let it go!

10: Getting Your Thinking Right Before You Negotiate
– Humans like to get into groups and box things.
– Attribution error: Blaming someone on the behaviour because they’re part of a group or associate with certain people. Stereotyping.
– In multiparty negotiations groups form according to interest. Or it becomes us and them, for or against which is not good.

Module 2: The Five Phases of a Negotiation (6 Jun – 12 Jun)
1: Preparing to Negotiate
– 5 Phases of negotiation:
a) Preparation and planning,
b) agenda setting,
c) making proposals,
d) bargaining and
e) finalising agreements.
– 3 things before negotiation begins:
a) Research on the house, location etc.
b) Planning would be inclusions, repairs and settlement apart from just price.
c) Emotional preparation like dealing with the move, change of situation, other strong emotions and why you’re feeling like that.

2: Planning a Negotiation – The Bargaining Zone
– Have a checklist of all things included in the bargaining mix.
– Look for a ‘zone of agreement’ where you meet to get the agreement. They start high, you start low but at some point you will need to get to the zone after the sham bargaining.
– In the book Getting To YES they talk about BATNA: Best ALTERNATIVE TO a negotiated agreement. Before you negotiate, what is the best alternative just in case the negotiation doesn’t work. You can call out the other side if they don’t have this.

3: Agreeing on the Agenda
a) Set the context, why are you meeting?
b) What will be covered and get an agreement on that.
c) Manage the objections.
d) How will the meeting be run so the process is not being challenged.

4: Probing for Interests
– Better to focus on interests instead of positions as positions is either/or while interest is both/and.
– Talks about positions and interest and finding the mutual interests. Graphic here – http://www.fao.org/docrep/008/a0032e/a0032e0w.jpg

5: Making Proposals and Counter Proposals
– One side starts a proposal and when the other side counters the bargaining begins.
– Probe on interests.
– Suggest alternatives.

6: Finding Common Ground
– Move the conversation to a higher or more general level to search for common ground.
– Manage words and get creative.
– Thinks like Time, Mutual respect, Fairness could be worked on.

7: Bargaining
– Bargaining is driver by things like price, terms, conditions. Trading concessions basically.
– Have good knowledge of the situation.
– Don’t make unilateral concessions i.e. giving something away for free. There should reciprocity.
– Concession should be of equal value.
– Use phrases like ‘If you can then I will’.

8: Trading Concessions
– Be conscious of the tactic to know how to respond.
– 3 Typical Tactics
a) Good cop/Bad cop.
b) Bogey – say you can never agree, it’s forbidden. And then later maybe you could agree if the other side makes a large concession.
c) The Nibble – Like when you buy something and when paying for it the person says would you like or you need this little more thing with that. It’s called a nibble. You need this tie with that suit.
– These work because of the contrast principle, scarcity idea.
– 3 Strategies to counter the tactics.
a) Name it. Call a tactic what it is. E.g. You’re brining the issue right at the end of the negotiation that we haven’t talked about.
b) Ignore it. Don’t react just treat it like the little thing it is and say something like lets not talk about this as it was not on the agenda.
c) Respond in kind. E.g. if they ask to throw in delivery at the end you can say yes but only if you pay a little bit more.
– Just make sure to keep the negotiation moving forward.

9: Coming to Agreement
– Summarise the agreement. Could just be verbal.
– What gets formalised is what gets agreed to.
– Go through the contract in detail especially pro forma contracts.
– Think about the words you use. Guarantee, Warranty, Assure, Ensure, Perfect. These could imply taking 100% liability.
– Make sure you don’t look too happy because the other side will feel like they got the wrong end of the stick.

10: Implementing Your Plan
– With a contract it’s already in play of who does what by when etc. What is called a service level agreement. You don’t want to drag out the service level agreement/contract every time you have a meeting.
– Manage ongoing relationship.

Module 3: Conflict Resolution – Theory and Practice (13 Jun – 19 Jun)
1: What is Conflict? Are Conflicts Different from Disputes?
– Difference between negotiation and conflict and conflict and disputes. Conflicts engages the person that it takes over the lives.
– Difference between conflicts and disputes are – Conflicts are more prolonged and strongly felt than disputes. Conflicts require more analysis before taking any action than disputes. A dispute is contained to a single issue, whereas in conflicts the issues often multiply.
– You can take a bargaining approach (better for disputes) to compensate or analytical approach (better for conflicts) to think things through.

2: Theories: Biological Explanations for Conflict
Biological approach / inherency school / in our nature. Talks about different peoples theories. Animal aggression has 3 main purposes – To balance out the population, survival of the strongest, protection of the young. Aggression and group identity are connected.

3: Theories: Learning Theories of Conflict
– Learning approach / contingency school / learned. Talks about different peoples theories.
– Frustration- Aggression hypothesis. Where aggression is the result of blocking, or frustrating, a person’s efforts to attain a goal.
– Familial context, sub-cultural context, symbolic messages are other theories of learned conflicts.

4: Conflict Resolution – Human Needs Theory
– You all know Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs. You can’t move higher up on the needs until the lower needs are actualised.
– Human conflict is caused by the frustration and suppression of basic human needs.
– Paul Sites articulated 9 universal human needs:
a) Consistency in response.
b) Stimulation.
c) Security.
d) Recognition.
e) Distributive justice.
f) Appearance of rationality.
g) Meaning
h) Control
i) Burton added a 9th need called Role defence. Said it was the most dominant of needs.
– Burton states that conflict needs to be first be analysed before it can be resolved. He also said that at the bottom of the hierarchy we have NEEDS which will never change for anyone around the world. Next is VALUES, they are pretty fixed but may change over time. Finally is INTERESTS which can be negotiated.

5: Constructive and Destructive Conflict
– Constructive conflict is resolved using collaborative measures, people learn from them, it’s contained to the major issues and not let them grow.
– Destructive conflict is damaging, carries on even after issues are resolved, parties use power.

6: Coping with Strong Emotions and Stereotypes
– When you’re faced with danger the amygdala sends a signal to the central nervous system to get into flight or fight response.
– People like to simplify because of lots of information. Malcolm Gladwell talked about thin slicing in one of his books.
– Propaganda is used for this.
– Strategies to cope with the emotions:
a) Be specific (on the behaviours and cause).
b) Us-us orientation (both sides in the problem).
c) Negotiate constructively.
d) Educate yourself.
e) Putting things into perspective.

7: Third Party Interventions to Conflict
– Levels are Negotiation > Mediation > Conciliation > Arbitration > Tribunal > Court. (See below)
– Mediation there is low level input from a third party intervention and supporting the parties communication, structuring it more.
– Conciliation has more power from the third party, problem solving.
– Arbitration is where third party receives information and delivering their findings.
– Tribunal which is a quazi-judicial process.
– Court where the judge … judges!
– Good practice is to set ground rules and structure communication.

8: Conflict Analysis
– Table on how to breakdown conflicts. Row headers are Parties, Pressures, Projections (Fears), Past, Problems. And gives a good example of how to use it.

9: Generating and Costing Options
– Brainstorming to find solutions. Then move to costing to see which one has the most pros and least cons or what reflects the best values for all concerned.

10: Resolution a Lasting Solution
– Don’t mix the 3 with their solutions.
a) Conflicts need resolution. A final and lasting resolution.
b) Disputes need settlements.
c) Problems need management.

Module 4: Communication Skills (20 Jun – 26 Jun)
1: Communication Skills for Effective Conflict Resolution and Negotiation
– Listen effectively. What do they want to achieve.
– Ask good questions. Match the question with the type of response you’re looking for. Do you want further answers or do you want to close the topic.
– Assert yourself. Be clear but don’t get into a screaming match. Even tone.
– Reframing. Change the way people view an issue.
– Cross cultural communication skills.
– Non-verbal communication.
– Build common ground.
(See below topics for further info)

2: Bridging the Gap Between Knowing and Doing in Communication
– We have predetermined scripts and conditioning to handle conflicts so be aware of them.
– Role play is good.
– Debrief after a negotiation to see what can be improved.

3: Active Listening
– Focus on what the other side is saying.
– Turn your own head volume down.
– 3 skills for active listening.
a) Following – Ensuring that you’re following what they are saying. It’s not about being agreeable. It’s about being strong on your point but being respectful on the other side too. Minimal encourages are things that encourage the other side to speak more like ‘uh-huh’, ‘hmmm’, ‘yep’, ‘I understand’.
b) Reflecting – Reflecting to them what you’ve understood from what you’ve heard. So what you’re saying is…. say what you feel you heard. Empathise the emotion you’re feeling that they’re feeling.
c) Summarising – Wrap what has been said. I’ve understood what you’ve said, is there anything else?

4: Effective Questioning
– Know types of questions. Rise or lowering inflection in the question.
– 2 types of questions.
a) Open ended questions. Which, where, when, who, why, how. Also stuff like ‘can you elaborate on.
b) Close ended questions. These have only yes or no or direct answers.
– Use a combination of both.
– How to ask a ‘why question’. Don’t sound like a police. Soften it with curiosity.
– 3 types of questions.
a) Hypothetical.
b) Double barrel question. 2 questions in one. Avoid these!!! People who talk a lot or too fast do this and I don’t know what to answer by the end of their rant!
c) Leading questions. Don’t you think that? Wouldn’t it be…?

5: Non-Verbal Communication
– Facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, touch, proximity, position.
– Remember cultural differences in each case.
– Breaking eye contact is pretty universal.

6: Reframing
– Take their aggressive lines and reframe it and feed with back in a softer version in an alternative way of looking at it.
– Toxic words strain the atmosphere. Angry (can be replaced with upset). So don’t tone it down too far but reduce the toxicity of it.

7: Pathways to Common Ground
– Areas both parties agree on.
– They both need to see the problem as the enemy and not one another.
– From I and You to We and Us.
– Emphasise what you agree on especially when summarising.

8: Word Choice – Assertiveness
– Asserting your side of thing in the face of resistance.
– Emphasise what your interests are.
– Say things with ‘I’ (called an I message). I need this, I’m feeling this. Paras note: Something I think couples should use when having an issue. I feel this when so and so happens.
– Passive approaches don’t get you anywhere. Be active. Sit down.

9: Communicating More Effectively Across Cultures
– High context cultures. The context contains additional meaning. E.g. Asian’s are high context. Feels coded or lot of fluff. Not seeing the clear answer from their answer.
– Low context cultures. The context is minimal. What is said is more important then the context it’s said in. Short and sweet and can look rude.
– Learn about the culture you’re dealing with.

10: Developing Your Communication Skills
– Identify the skill gap. Where are you now, your pluses and minuses. Give yourself a goal.

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