At Your Own Risk – A Saint’s Testament by Derek Jarman This guy is just oozing creativity… well he’s dead now but will live on through his work especially in the gay scene. He was a painter, theatre designer, author, film-maker, set designer, costume designer, production designer, AIDS activist, and a Saint… But we’ll get to Saint bit in a bit. The book is his autobiography, and not only about him but the social lives and differences of what he calls heterosoc and of course homosexuals. It also includes a lot of articles from the media and how they blow everything out of proportion (as always). Basically each chapter is a decade and each decade is made clear with a montage of articles, states or minds in that time and his own look and experience on it. What I really loved about his writing style (and try to do the same in my stuff) was the blatancy and rawness but at the same time keep the mood light or not too overwhelming, no matter how outrageous and offensive it may seem.
Chapters:
1940’s – mostly articles about the gays in the Military and how they would be handled etc. And how some of them would be rent boys (Rent boy = gigolo or gay gigolo). Before I go any further please note this wont be the best review as dudes writing was kinda confusing at times and also there are so many snippets so there were not many predictable patterns that set the tone for a book.
1950’s – the only note I have is about the guy that decoded the Enigma Code was gay. Maybe the big guns turned a blind eye, maybe they used him and then treated him like all the other gay folks… can’t really remember.
1960’s – something about oldies. Dude’s first visit to a queer pub. Oh yeah gays back then must have been so messed up coz if they came out, Heterosoc would make their life hell, families would disown them, etc. Until artists intervened. Laws changed and it felt like it was ok to be gay in the open but the police started giving them drama by raiding clubs and all sorts. Now Jarman keeps talking about the Heath… I guess that’s where most guys went ‘cruising’(cruising = walking, driving, browsing in known areas just for sex). And there’s some story of how the firemen would have a locking and invite gay folks in their pool after the gays had finished clubbing and shlack. Note: Any hetero that his not yet been hit on by gay folks wont even realize this but there are more closet gays than you think. For some reason I get confused as one too and, boy, the homies I found out were gay… I mean some of my gangsta-est clubbing buddies. Back to the book, before I start naming names lol. Finally gays had it. Too many were being injured or killed by homophobic hate crimes… so they had a riot. They shook the city up man! My favourite line in the whole book is when Derek talks about the Transexuals being way more violent, aggressive and just more lethal in such situations. The line went something like a dress was basically a badge of courage. And how right he is! There are lots and lots of stories of the wild sex kind but the craziest one was about… dude goes to see his bootie call and ended up in an orgy with his friend and friends dad.
1970’s – founding of the Gay Liberation Front, gay politics, manifestos, the gay manual, the drugs, baths, saunas. Special note about the hamstrings but can’t remember and really can’t be bothered. I’m really sorry. Media making it worse with stupidity and spreading the wrong awareness about AIDS. Calling it the gay cancer. The circle of death as more and more known gay folks were dying of AIDS. Pasolini, Wilde, etc.
1980’s – New AIDS acronym – Arse Injected Death Syndrome. I personally prefer Prasheel’s version – Another Idiot Discovered Sex… or was it All Interested Die Soon? Anyway… More misleading quotations from the media. Doctors were making it even worse coz if they knew their patient was gay they’d tell the patient he already was HIV+ so as to stop them from ‘funking around’. So many more deaths of Derek’s friends it’s like he never knew when he’d see them next. So he has a little Lamentation section in memory of quite a few of his friends, the memories he shared of them and a kind word or two… or not. The Sun whipped up the most flames with the most ignorant headlines and articles which were so far away from the truth. And so many pages were dedicated to such articles and headlines. And how Derek finds out he’s infected too how the kiss or death was his kiss of life. Living the life of an AIDS infected gay man, interviews on the subject and the like.
1990’s – Derek is canonised by the gay order of nuns (the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence) for his films and books and very sexy nose as Saint Derek of Dungeness of the Order of Celluloid Knights. Don’t ask. Some poems and a deep meaningful goodbye to the world.
An Appendix – Which was basically information sent to him by his friends who were involved in the struggle for civil rights. Stuff about Hetero Hero (Magic Johnson) admitting he has AIDS and turned into all-American Hero by the president. While Homo Weirdo (Freddie Mercury) dies 24 hours after his public statement and how the tabloids heave into action. Statistics of criminal injustice even though being gay was not a crime anymore. Queer Policing. Tax money issues. Something that looks like a constitution, laws, rights, demands and bills for gay folks and folks with HIV. And that’s it.
Oh no wait… there are 2 sections in the book with black and white pictures. Don’t know what they are there for. I could do the research but I’m knackered after an amazing weekend and I still gotta review an audio book and take notes on the book I just started. All I can say is big up Genie for the book and even through I used to have fun using terms like fudge-packers, fairies, etc… I’ll definitely tone it down after this new found respect and awareness of the gaylord’s struggles and how far they’ve come ;o)
MY JOURNAL (20th May – 27th May) Small World Festival May 2009
(Slideshow in the end says more than the vids)
20/05/09 Wednesday – Thomas gets the bike. Thank god its so much lighter. Pack up. Get bike repaired. Genie and I leave. Train to Liverpool Street. Bike to London Bridge. Train to Headcorn and Genie gets her drink on in the train. Go to a pub that stopped serving food for refurbishing so one lady tells us it’s ok to get some food and eat on the outside benches. Get food and another bully lady makes us eat across the road by the graveyard. Talking about we’re going upscale. Yeah with that attitude you’re up something alright. Genie wont stop talking about the ‘upscale’ bit lol. Bike to the location and first thing we come across is a big fully black cat. So cuddly! Look for Hippie Steve coz we’re pitching tent next to him instead of with the crew. Steve was there stilling outside the sauna tent all naked. Note: So I made sure I didn’t sit where he did… you know just to make sure I didn’t sit on his skidmarks. We’re a few days early so it’s mostly the party tents and crew tents which are up. Set up shop and chill. Steve has brought his bubble machines so sunsets were always amazing as you see silhouettes of kids playing with the bubbles in the sunset. Note: Everyone is so beautiful. You know like in city it’s usually this ones hot or that one’s sexy. Here they did have hints of that but it was more of pure beauty. Inner and outer. The girls especially… they were so so beautiful and pretty and definitely hippie. Well beautiful and pretty… with armpit hair :o| Make rounds and check out the other tents. Some were so pimped out. My fav was Larry’s Lounge coz it it was huge, mattresses inside, COUCHES, piano. And outside more sofas, foosball table, cornetto stand display oh and they were selling funky clothes too. Take a nap. We were working with the Green Godess crew so have a meeting. I was warned about boss lady Shona’s harshness but she was cool. Meet the crew. Amy was definitely the coolest. She was like a dude. Plays drums and banjo/guitar/bouzouki. There was Liz calligraphy and cafeteria, Naomi on the calligraphy, face painting and cafeteria (Liz’s daughter), Rachel cafeteria fine litter picking and drawing, Charlie cafeteria guitar and poi, Kim the main litter guy, Anton litter and attitude, Carl something something and lil Nairan (Liz’s son). Towards the end of the week lot more folks joined our crew. Get instructions. Chill. Fall asleep to the sounds of a Djembe being played very well! Our tents were located perfectly across the circle where the main tents were and then there was the sacred circle that gave us just enough distance so the gigs wont be too loud. Rachel note: I usually look at what I don’t like in a girl first and Rachel was tall and thin plus she speaks really low. And of course the whole issue with the pits. Well it started out like that.
21/05/09 Thursday – Start litter picking and washing. The skies were amazing. Remote control planes flying around. Hot air balloons passing by, etc. Lunch. More pretty, beautiful girls with hairy pits!!! More litter picking. Make stuff with playdough with Rachel and Nairan. Playdough smells so sexy like cake batter… but it tastes like nothing. Dinner at the Inner Circle tent were we’ll be exchanging our meal tickets for excellent food and be entertained by some kinda act. This time it was poetry. Note: Small World festival is pure veg so any meat would be brought in by the person and cooked themselves. Now the Sacred Circle was a circle with stones placed in places… 4 posts around and a stone mushroom. Being a loner I chilled out there and for some reason placed a ring next to the mushroom which was made of sheep wool or whatever it was stuck to the benches. As it got busy the Sacred Circle got more decorations, more folks doing yoga and meditating etc. Mini issue: Picture time… grrrr… why pose man! Whats with all these faces smiling at the camera!? Oh and another issue is I took so many pics but I’m only in one… bit of a bummer but hey… most of the magic that happened could not be captured by the pics, vids and audios I took. Back to Inner Circle tent for dinner, some pub quiz was going on. I was too distracted by the stew and dumplings. Green Godess has it’s opening ceremony. Amy does her thing on the Bouzouki. Chill out. Note: Sleeping in the tent is wicked for observation. I overhead this boy and girl talking about ‘my friends say we have to kiss’. ‘Ok lets go over there’. The age groups made it even more magical coz the kids had their section with boats and hulahoops and all. The teens were near the toilets mostly where the swings were and if not there they had their own Teen tent. Rachel note: Her voice captivates me first. As in when I can hear her it’s so soothing. Amy C-blocks.
22/05/09 Friday – Bike to Headcorn for shopping and some good ol junk. Genie gets on my nerves lol, we usually litter pick together and she’s usually so stoned it’s like I’m taking care of a daughter with issues. It’s all good, she’s takes care of me with the food and all too. Note: Some of these folks have wicked names like Sunshine, Sky, Mushroom… you know… hippie names. Mushroom had her wishing tree tent where folks would stick their wishes on this lit up tree. Pretty funky. Lunch. Usual (Usual from here on means Litter picking with Genie… mostly). By now Genie’s so gone she’s leaving her slippers on the road and walking off. I take went to chill in Larry’s Lounge but ended up having a nap to folks playing piano and exchanging jokes etc. It was so wicked like random people just come into random peoples tents and hit it off. Just like kids. It was about making friends and friendship and all those good things. Oh and jam sessions all over the place. Someone with a drum will spot someone with a guitar and there you have it… jam session!! I met this couple that were into bhajans right opposite my tent so we had a satsang. Later on I’d keep missing our sessions coz when they were free I had to do my shift or eat or something. Oh man… the crowds started coming in. So many more things going on. More tents offering more services. Now Genie and I were chilling in the Sacred Circle next to the Satsang couple tent and these kids come to the edge of the circle, facing the road and one kid on the guitar starts licking out rock anthem choons and Salt and Peppa’s Push It. MAGIC!!! Like everyone had some kinda skill. I’ll come to that later. Now that it’s busy time a barrier is made in the main centre where there are 3 bonfires and folks do all kinda acts from fire poi, fire stick juggling, knife acts, belly dance, etc. Charlie had mad skills in the fire poi juggling thing. Janice joins us. Go to the cinema tent. Yes there was a cinema too… projected by Apple ;o) Wicked documentary called The Power of the Community. About how USA cut Cuba off petroleum. Like if ships docked in Cuba they could not dock in USA till after 6 months. How Cuba started out making lil farms everywhere, got cattle and ploughs etc and now how their scientists are exported for their expertise in chemical free farming etc. Rachel note: Her accent catches my attention this time. I’m like wow she’s pretty easy on the ears.
23/05/09 Saturday – Usual. Sooo many more tents. Paragliders above. Usual. See half a movie at the cinema. Darwins Nightmare or something about how introducing Perch to the Nile changed so much. It was in Swahili so I was asked to stick around and translate till it was just me left lol. It was kinda boring and slow. Now that skills bit I was talking about. Here we have a dad chilling at the Tribal Voices tent giving out his poetry while his teen son is juggling fire poi for the crowds in the main circle. It was like everyone brought something to the table. Rachel note: As we spend more time together I get to do my fav thing… analyze features and Rachel is easy on the eyes too. I’m starting to see her as this hippie angel. LMAO.
24/05/09 Sunday – Usual. Waited 2 hours to be served lunch so Shona had a word with the folks so they’d keep crew food to the side. Oh and Anton had issues with Shona. It was more of a loner than I was. Now he was meant to be taking care of Small World’s tent but we had to do it. My allotted tent was Triban. Do my shift at the Green Godess cafeteria. They serve only Fair Trade! Chill in the sauna while this couple play and sing and the dude gives his strings to the Sauna tent dude. That’s the other thing… even without paying customers all of these people were sustaining each other. Giving what they got. It was basically a hippie village. Note: Sunburn and sauna don’t go together. Bigup: Madhu unc and Neha… they shades with changeable lenses were perfect. Bike to Headcorn in the sunset. Wow… see to get to the festivals you have to pass all these fields with sheep, cows, plants… so many fields and as you pass one of them you get an aroma of ambrosia. The best I can describe this week was Romantic… sooo damn romantic and the Nature is your valentine. Warming you up at noon, cooling you in the evening. Freezing your ass past midnight! Anyway so shopping and stuff. Jokes: Genie has this thing where she moves her head really fast and in random directions right… so I usually ride behind her and I was cracking up just looking at her head movement. Like a chicken or something. Even funnier is when she’s got the light strapped to her head and she’s walking around or talking. I’d usually sleep early and not party to hard coz of work and she’s come to her tent late… and you can see her looking at my tent and these spastic lights going all over my tent. Trust me, its funny! Oh yeah I kept my eye on the Satsang couple coz they were eating and soon as they finished I’m like… it’s time. They’re like we gotta do our washing but we’ll give you one bhajan. Thanx. Over to the cinema. It was so packed with kids coz The Incredibles was on. Back to my tent, fall asleep to this really amazing Rasta MC Beatboxer kinda act. Viv – This dude has the essence of hiphop. Reminder: Look out for Joe Driscoll or Paradox… he’s one of them. Rachel note: Now I’m actually admiring her. Enjoying the time we spend as long as she speaks loud enough or not at all hehehe.
25/05/09 Monday – Rain. Lovely rain but I aint going out till it warms up. At least we got help with the litter this time. Usually it was like tie up the full ones and carry them back to their section. Plastic, cans, bottles, other, compost, raw. And with the wheelbarrow we could only take 3 at a time. Big up Tim for the help too… he was Stewarding but decided to help us during his lunch break. It was the best weather today coz the heat was still there, the rain was here and there and … it was great. Play catch with Nairan. Cara joins us. Oh yeah there was lots of naked kids roaming about and I was like I wish I could do that. Some folks did. I’d taken the Borat mankini along too! Oh well there is another Small World festi in August so yay! Nairan brings balloons. He was soooo cute man. He started tiring me so I took him and Cara over to the bubbles and Steve. Steven even stressed up as Willy Wonka once, walking down the road with his bubbles and kids flocking around him. Do my cafeteria shift… I was getting hungry so grab my food and it went like this. Nairan still wanted to play with the balloons just wanted me to blow them up so that he could let them zip around the tent. So I’d blow up the balloon while he’d take a bite of my pasta, then he’d go chase around the balloon so I’d take my bites… rinse and repeat. Tents have reduced now but people are still partying hard. Genie gave me some mushrooms to try… they didn’t taste as bad as I though and the effect was not all that… colours were just brighter and I was happy and smiley till some rowdy f*** started drama. He even came to the Inner Circle tent and got kinda racial with the black dude doing his spoken word poetry. And what amazing spoken word poetry it was… dude had mad skills I forgot I was eating for a moment. Busiest day, most productive, most fun and best weather and of course the bit of drama to make it complete. Sleep to the sound of the drizzle kissing my tent and some kids were awake late with Steve trying to make the bubbles survive in the drizzle. By now my hips were soar coz of sleeping on the ground and stitching on my jeans didn’t help. Rachel note: BTW from day one we were getting C-blocked and so I’ve not really done my bit. I realize this coz we didn’t chill at all today… maybe for a quick cig or something. Anyway to cut it short thinking of her needy expressions made me wanna be a hero. Must be coz of watching The Incredibles. :oP
26/05/09 Tuesday – Rain! Usual but in the slippery mud. Genie on my nerves again. In this case a solid system for work would not work. We’d agree to the best system for the job as and when it called for it. More usual with Tim and we found so much treasure. Folks left tents, mats, I got a foldable chair, tent-pegs (the most valued), beers, etc. Wow another black and white big fluffy furry cat. Kim’s dog Nova was so sweet, she’d follow him everywhere and get worried when she couldn’t see him. Bike to Headcorn again. Genie loses it. Then loses it again. Has a tantrum. Etc. At one point everything was so beautiful coz folks were shutting up shop and like you see someone playing piano outside with kids playing foosball next to it. The moons crescent looks especially great this evening. It’s basically the last day for many of the crew so we all gather for dinner at the Small World tent. Then for a crew brew in our tent. No more proper lights so Rachel was looking even more angelic. Everyone gathered around with their drink or smoke as Charlie strummed some choons and Nova lying in peace next to him… wish I got that picture but it was too dark and I was using my phone camera. Kim was fiddling about… I think trying to skin up. I was freezing so I was next to the fire. Carl was bringing the jokes. Oh and Genie has her space blanket so she looked like a jacket potato waiting to be cooked lol. Rachel note: Now we’re really adoring each other. Shona C-blocks her backrub. Then again when I say C-block it wasn’t really like that. It was more of an affection thing than an infatuation thing.
27/05/09 Wednesday – Ah last day… this time it’s fine litter picking with the grabber and all. Genie’s still sleeping so I do my hours in the rain. She wakes up and has major ass tantrums, some swearing, a little cry and then goes to sleep in Shona’s tent. Poor thing not well so we hook her up with a hotwater bottle and tea. Some bold cat thought she’d stroll past Nova… it was a tense situation but no one was harmed. Pack one time, fine litter pick, pack tent, fine litter pick, help Genie with her tent, fine litter pick. Ready to go. BTW fine litter pick also means I was getting away everytime Genie had a tantrum. Goodbyes, money and train station. Come across a granny who shares her life with us. From camping naked till today and sleeping with rifles in Kenya during Jomo Kenyatta’s time and living through the depression with a husband she’d thought of killing and how Scientology is opening her eyes to why things happened to her the way they did etc. Genie for once was pretty quiet apart from not approving of Scientology. Way I see it, does not matter what you believe as long as it’d taking you to the check point you want to reach next and you’re not intentionally harming anyone. Even what age you find your path does not matter. Anyway so train to London Bridge, bike to Liverpool Street, train to Forest Gate. Genie goes home, I go to get some CHICKEN! Get home and wow… TANTRUMS ARE BACK IN FULL SWING. Something about stinking up the loo and stuff. Thomas’s friend Dalita’s staying over so I just lock myself up in my room with my chicken and laptop till Genie goes to sleep. Watch Naruto and comedy… aint checking mail/facebook till tomorrow man. No sign of Tasha so I go look for her and boy was she chuffed. She wont stop purring or moving around and I’m like yo I put the laptop on the side now settle down coz I’m tired! Rachel note: Promise to meet up at the Work House festival.
Notes:
- Small World was definitely the best festi to go to for a first timer. It was all so perfect.
- Big up Genie for getting me work coz it also meant a wicked story before I stop My Journal, stuff like this makes me keep it going but I’ve not been true to My Journal for a while now with all the censoring and code names/words for things, and anyway it’s fulfilled what it needed to. Time for another change ok!
- When Mushroom and Genie got stone it was so funny coz they’d both be rambling on like they’re talking to each other but not listening to each other so speaking at the same time about politics and stuff. Mostly the ‘masis’ would get stoned and talk stuff like that. I had to find folks my own age and interests.
- Solar and wind powered phone chargers. One ‘tent’ was really a colourful dome with a telescope for star gazing.
- Teens roaming around with bongs.
- Ambivalence instead of Ambulance on the Ambulance.
- At one point I was like I can do with this life (apart from sleeping on the ground coz I sleep on my tummy and feels like I’m hugging the planet and coz it’s hard). I’ve been offered Glastonbury but I have an idea of how much more crazier and bigger the festival is so lets see. Might mean more than a month away.
Wooed by the World
To all my sisters all across the world, I applaud you,
I know nothing can’t erase the pain we caused you,
I’m sorry sister for all the times we used you,
Hurt you, beat you up, battered and abused you,
Raped you, took your womanhood, violated you, betrayed you,
You women, we supposed to praise you,
Instead we called you hoes and bitches and dissed cha,
I was thinking “Damn, what if that was my mother or my sister?”
You never feel it, till it hits home,
We abandoned you, left you all alone.
It’s only a handful of us that handle our responsibility,
I’m from a broken home, you know this shit is killing me,
How a man can make a woman a mother and a father,
If men got it hard, then women got it harder,
And I represent every man on earth when I say this,
Sister I’m sorry and I pray for your forgiveness.
Sister I’m sorry, For all the wrong I’ve done,
Sister I’m sorry, I’m telling everyone,
Sister I’m sorry, Nothing can change the past,
Sister I’m sorry, Your forgiveness is all I ask.
I broke a promise, cheated on you, lied to you,
I ain’t recognize the goddess thats inside of you,
I know sorry ain’t do it but my acts of faith,
Made me over-stare, hope it’s not to late,
But I don’t understand is how we could hit our girl,
And how we can bring a bastard kid in this world,
I don’t want my child being ashamed of me,
Like “Mommy, where’s daddy?” Wonder what became of me,
Swear to life I don’t know how ya’ll made it all these years,
Can’t even look you in your eyes without mine filling with tears,
You my sister, I respect and love you,
You wo-men, men came from you, And he came from she,
All men ain’t the man that they claim to be,
Sister I’m sorry, swear to god, please forgive me.
Sister I’m Sorry – Sticky Fingaz feat. Choclatt
NOTICE!!
This double blog may get lewd and licentious. Just remember that it was not all that went on all the time. Note: I had to fight a loooooooot of demons that I didn’t even realize I had or did not wanna face and now that I’ve faced em… I’d rather leave them where they are. I’ve also tried to mention the least about the course as it’s something you gotta do and get your own take on so if you wanna know more go to http://www.dhamma.org/en/alphalist.shtml and find one happening in your area codes.
MY JOURNAL (18th Dec – 31st Dec)
18/12/08 Thursday – Watch Illuminati… more conspiracy stuff. You know secret symbolic language of Free Masons, New World Order and shlack. The exorcism was freaky. I’m taken to see my work places new office/warehouse. And I’m like shyat! It’s gonna be harder to resign now but…
19/12/08 Friday – … I resign. It’s not you it’s me, you’re making changes, I gotta step my game up too but I’ll stay with you till you fully move to the new place. YES Plus reunion dinner at Ping Pong and Rakhi and Sandy’s birthday celebrations. Note: Someone saves someone’s life from my questions lol. Anyway I had a feeling I’d have to let it go before making more lies.
20/12/08 Saturday – Link with Dimple at Liverpool Street. That veggie pastry thing was amazing. Take the train to Norfolk. Now I was sleeping away but had dreams of someone shouting and a baby crying. Wake up and there’s a kid behind me! And Dimps is on the phone handling her bid’ness. At one point she’s giving her credit card details, now I got the window seat, she’s on the isle seat and I glance to confirm what I’m hearing and the guy opposite the isle does the same… lol she looks at him, then at me and rolls her eyes like silently saying ‘things I have to do’. Entertainment I tells you. Get to Hilltop Outdoor Centre, check in and shlack. Meet the guys. Women were taken elsewhere so I was concerned for a bit coz I need my dose of gyne plus only guys means something I’ll get to in a bit. Anyway so exchange stories with folks that have done this before. One was that this guy went cuckoo and by the end of it police and ambulance were there trying to get a naked guy to stop hugging a tree. All the while everyone else had so observe silence. Oh yeah, bump into another Paras. Same name, same school, same place and coz we homies we could not be roomies. Oh and the Teacher called me in coz I asked for a chair in case my knee acts up but we negotiated and if it got too bad then I’ll get it. Note: Teach looked like Dhalsim from Street Fighter and every time he’d summon the assistant teach it looked like he was about to do a ‘yoga fire’ or ‘yoga flame’. Silence started this night.
21/12/08 Sunday – Meditation goes good, trancing properly so feeling good about myself.
22/12/08 Monday – Same again, just one little change. Lovely dreams etc. Observation: In the discourse audio and vids the guru/Goenka chants in a really funny way and he stretches the ends to sound like a cow mixed with a frog. The manliness is at its best now. If you had an orifice that could make any sound… by god it did! Farts, coughs, sneezes, phlegm, sniffs, tummy rumbles… hell at one point I could have sworn I heard eyes blinking! So yeah, we had the ‘no holes barred’ Macho Manly Natural Sounds Orchestra.
23/12/08 Tuesday – Same again and another little change. More dreams. Only I’m starting to get horny! I mean my ‘morning glory’ has never felt this good and sensitive. I mean I like sleeping on my belly but my boner kebab is so sensitive I have to sleep on my back. I mean my little patriot is saluting/hailing me like the Nazi warlord himself! I mean if my pubes had dreadlocks it’d be like Jah Rastafari! I an I feeling the most high! I mean if I could get my crotch a superhero costume it’d looks like Superman flying! I think you get me. Okay, coz of my daily meditation practice I going into trances so fast but the evening instructions were not to do that. My bad for thinking I knew it all. ;o) One major change this time and it’s not too bad.
24/12/08 Wednesday – But now I’m not trancing and my thoughts are taking me everywhere. One side there’s trance the other side there’s thoughts and my constant awareness is the rope. Mental freaking funambulism and I keep falling. Mostly sex or violence. I mean I was Street Fighter, Ninja Gaiden, Hulk and Kill Bill all in one. Oh and lets not forget Saw. I definitely had a few moments of ‘gore’ violence in my mental movies. But the sex bit is getting crazy. I’m making all kinda of plans in my head about my New Year celebration. I’m playing ‘who gets to play house with Paras’. I was beating myself up coz the process we had to do seemed so easy but it was not, it was meant to cook up all sorts of thoughts. So hard day… in many ways if you know what I mean hehehe. Another process is introduced and I tell the assistant teach that I’m gonna need that chair. He’s like talk to the teach after the knowledge. And the knowledge touched on the pain issue and how the 4 elements are connected… wow! I’m like I’ll try that out and the pain vanished! Note: Paras is very impressed. Observation: Guy in front of my looks like a midget Stiffler. Guy next to me looks like Captain Haddock from Tin Tin, which makes me think of my bro saying ‘blistering barnacles!’. And another guy reminded me of this seduction guru. Note: Everything apart from my Patriot has atrophied. My stretches barely pass my knees.
25/12/08 Thursday – Sex and violent thoughts are going out of hand, it was so crazy for the first time every in my life I nutted in my dream and it was so vivid! And for some reason my and my tranny friend were aiming at the same statue… and don’t even get my started on to texture of my baby batter. I actually had an imaginary orgasm, usually the scene is cut right before the point of no return. I had to check my pants in the morning to see if that hand washing detergent was needed. One more little change. Even 5 seconds into the meditation and my monkey mind is grabbing and swinging on all branches of thoughts. At one point I was like maybe I can astral travel to where the womens are and practice my own kind of breathing techniques. Don’t judge me! Wicked knowledge.
26/12/08 Friday – Bad day man. My pride made it worse coz I like to think I’m pretty advanced ‘on the path’. Anyway usual stuff. Daydreams were getting weird too. One with Triad which I wont get into and another where I’m telling cousin screw it I’ll bring the cheeba you bring the KFC bucket or chicken skins.
27/12/08 Saturday – WTF kinda lunch was that? Note: All food was excellent and even today’s lunch but still WTF was that? In one of the meditation sessions I ended up in trance and went of balance and hit my head on the cupboard, dude behind me noticed and nearly shat himself. While I was there thinking someone hit me with a two-by-four. Note: The site says 20 something acres of forest and shlack but poor walkers realized they could only walking in circles in the parking area. Also the place is like a place for team building so there was shooting, abseiling, walking climbing, etc.
28/12/08 Sunday – Forgot my earplugs but was lucky enough not to have midnight motors for roomies. But tonight it was funny coz one guy did snore and the dude in the bunk above him would usually hit or move the bed and it’d stop. This time it was getting much and hitting the bed only made it worse. I usually click my fingers if its too much but I didn’t even have the energy so it looked like I was rolling invisible cigarettes. Sleeps getting hard as it is with all the thoughts. Top bunk dude loses it and clangs the metal bit. I have a lil chortle and try to get some sleep.
29/12/08 Monday – It’s starting to drag now. And the closer we get the closer we can see that ‘are we there yet’ tension. Hell my roomie had to be told to stop walking so much. You could tell his sexual thoughts were getting to him worse than others. I mean a bunch of guys walking around with sexual or violent thoughts man… shit was thick man! We were killing each other with our eyes if we did make eye contact. Guys like myself were laughing out of madness. Knowledge was too good! Every night the knowledge addressed the same issues we had that day. Of course as we got closer to the breaking of silence the one tension eased and another one of ‘when does this sh*t end!’ started.
30/12/08 Tuesday – Break the silence and some of us didn’t know what to do. I realized lot of us can’t speak well coz our vocals not been worked out in a while. But first thing I wanted to know is if most were thinking the same thing coz I was just wanna be the little above average pervert. This course was making me feel like I did a Masters in Perversions and I was training for a PhD. Side note: Kanye West says PhD stands for Pretty Huge Dick. Thought I’d throw that one in as a freebie since this mails really getting into the horny things. But yeah, once I popped that question it was opening Pandora’s Box or should I say Man-doras Cock… yeah that one was lame. Most of us, especially the newbies were on that wavelength! And coz of the silence our minds were making all kinds of castles in the sky. ‘Satay-ing’ all the exes and potential exes. Since we were near the shore there was talk of a nudist beach, but in that cold it’s just gonna be talk. Over to debates about religion, drugs and everyone’s life changing stories etc. OH and I finally got great symbolism for Drugs vs. The Path on Divinity from Vishal. Picture a wall between you and divinity and drugs is like jumping high enough just to get a glimpse of The Light while following the path is like having a ladder to get up the wall. Also loved how Goenka talked about the seeds and once it’s a tree you don’t have to maintain it, you just get the fruit automatically. In fact the knowledge completed so many broken links that we all already have a clue about kinda thing. Still gotta wake up at 4 tomorrow so try to sleep early.
31/12/08 Wednesday – Could not sleep and when I did get some sleep I had a bad dream that kept me up for the rest of the night. I was just waiting for the gong to go off. It goes of and I try to jump in the shower but remember that roomie that was trying to walk the sex off? He was in his boxers in there, apparently just ‘hanging out’. Funny stuff man. Last process and shlack, help with the packing and boy were we glad that was the last time we hear that gong. Exchange stories with Dimps, cigarettes, etc. Lots of us on the train back to London. Eva gives me music reading lessons. Till we both feel drained and try to catch some Zzzzs. I’m starting to feel ill. Get home… aint no way I’m going out so its ill in bed, online movie marathon and the Amarula Neha got me. For you to try: Get in bed and finish a bottle of your favorite spirit and then after an hour just step out of bed.
THE COURSE TIMETABLE
4:00 am – Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 am – Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30-8:00 am – Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 am – Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 am – Meditate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher’s instructions
11:00-12:00 noon – Lunch break
12noon-1:00 pm – Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 pm – Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30-3:30 pm – Group meditation in the hall
3:30-5:00 pm – Meditate in the hall or in your own room according to the teacher’s instructions
5:00-6:00 pm – Tea break
6:00-7:00 pm – Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 pm – Teacher’s Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 pm – Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 pm – Question time in the hall
9:30 pm – Retire to your own room–Lights out
After 2 years I got round to breaking this one open. The book includes an audio CD and is really meant to be spoken word poetry. Just listening to her voice took me back to the first time I heard spoken word poetry back in the day. Think it was A Different World sitcom… anyway Imani took me back. The way she did it was perfect. So the CD had some tracks that are in the book, the first track Inspiration is the best. It’s been putting me to sleep every night, I think mostly coz it’s got a beat to it so the flow is much more smoother than just normal spoken word poetry. Some of her work has signs of India.Arie, Floetry and another soul artist. Oh and as usual artist add a little imperfections naturally so make their work perfect and her pretending to be ignorant of men’s egos and human nature sprinkle just the right amount of ignorance to give you some drama and let you know she’s as human and everyone else. Note: Love the photography on the back of her CD so kudos to the designer that hooked that up. I’ve been so inspired I’m gonna finish the new ending for poem I never got to share with mom. Big up Taz for the book and CD. My bad for taking so long lol.
The Ultimate Matrix Collection (10 DVD SET!!!):
Since you’re too likely to have watched the movies I’ll skip the obvious and will TRY keep it as curt as my fingers let me.
1 – The Matrix. The movie plus philosopher’s commentaries while they watch the movie and then critic’s commentaries while they watch the movie.
2 – The Matrix Revisited. Before even reading the script Keanu was told to read 3 books. These guys focused on things like showing more green and grids while in the matrix and more blue and more natural/less styled look of everyone in the ‘real world’. Now remember the camera work where you see the shots like time’s frozen and the camera pans all round? It’s called Bullet Time. The 4 main actors had to go through 4 months gangsterous training in Kung Fu and choreography. Hah Keanu had some operation on his next so his next was stiffer than normal, thing of why his acting looks stiff is coz he’s a perfectionist, dude is so hard on himself, especially with his movements, even after the directors say they’re happy with the takes he’ll still wanna do more. Before shooting the had a auspicious Buddhist ceremony. That pig looks yum! Damn you know the crowded scene on the street… they cast a lot of twins and triplets… didn’t even realize that. Then you have those backgrounds that look real… now their Australia one is the biggest translit (spelling). When they wrapped it was 1.01 (Neo’s number). Then you’ve got 41 audio tracks, 3 hours worth of music which I cant seem to be able to locate in the movies themselves so I guess its electronic/trance/techno/ambient/chill-out tracks inspired BY the movie. And much more. Note: This is just the first one lol.
3 – The Matrix Reloaded. Movie plus same commentaries. Note: That rave in the cave scene what when I first actually realized that I get The Rush. I mean the sound syncing, the choice of song, wardrobe, warm colours, lil bit of lovemaking. Ok I’m taking a break to get that rush.
4 – The Matrix Reloaded Revisited. Remember production for this was kept so top secret sometimes even the actors were baffled (according to FHM). 23 scenes/back-story shot for the console game that plug into the action of The Matrix Reloaded. Building the Merovingian’s lair is too good (Merogingian’s share a bloodline with Christ… apparently). The statues, the halls, doors, murals, paintings… its gorgeous but not real e.g. the marble looking floor is really vinyl. A day in the life of Chen Hu/The Tiger (martial artist/stunt man/wire team/choreography). He’s trained in weapons alone for 10 years. Oh baby the car chases, they even got Knightrider on the highway. For the parking lot they got Cadillac’s from some Cadillac club in Wales. One of them was the only one on the road anywhere in the world. The other one was in a museum somewhere. There’s a vertigo shot which took one year plus! For effects on the twins they studied jellyfish. Anatomy of the amazing freeway truck crash. Creating and anatomy the Burly Brawl… you know what that is? The Neo and 100’s of Agent Smiths fight. Conversation with Master Wo Ping (martial arts choreographer/director). And much more.
5 – The Matrix Revolutions. Movie plus documentaries.
6 – The Matrix Revolutions Revisited. Remember production for this too was kept so top secret sometimes even the actors were baffled (according to
FHM). Shows us the crew from props, animators, stuntmen, special fx to details of the 2nd unit to the Director of Photography (D.O.P.) all the way to the masters of light and shadow. They show how they got folks to run on the ceilings/walls/pillars and how their techniques evolved. Then you got the freak extras in the club. Creating and anatomy of the whole machine vs. war scene towards the end. Creating The Super Burly Brawl and anatomy of the super punch. Oh wow… the Revolutionary Composition bit is all about the music and sound effects. Check this out… for the Super Burly Brawl the Wachowski Bros suggested to the composer that his orchestra to sing in Sanskrit from the Upanishads. Don’t worry if you don’t know what they’re about coz I’ve recently acquired some knowledge on that. Big up Washowskis! Back to sound effects… special big up to them coz they didn’t get to see the proper movie still it came out so the sounds they had to record… oh yeah record coz the sound guy didn’t wanna use the same ones from his library so he got all these new ones for the sentinels, got a couple of martial artist beating the crap out of each other for 4 days and recorded that. Bust up cars for those scenes and all swung all kinds of stuff for the whoosh sounds used in punches. And much more.
7 – The Animatrix. Simply put 9 short Japanese-anime/manga/Japanime films. Complexly put… manga comes into it, CG comes into it, they either fill up some before/after/between stories of the movie or just things concerning the Matrix. Some of the stuff is really disturbing. Believe this right… the animators said they thought they were watching anime just by watching the movies themselves in fact one of the anime dudes say that the Brothers knew more about Japanese-anime then some of the anime peeps themselves. 4 of the stories they wrote and the others they collaborated with the directors so the stories are theirs but the animation they wanted of the directors. That’s how wicked Wachowski’s hooked their movies up. Oh wow they have a history and culture of anime… from the best anime folks, how it evolved after the war, folks from 6 to 60 are into it, limited animation, smooth motion. Things like if the characters eyes are big then that’s a ‘good guy’, smaller ones are not. The beauty of it comes coz of the budget production coz that’s where anime procedures differ from normal cartoons. They kinda ‘cheat’ what they can for magical results. You also got the gestures and the non-stated, kinda like less talk means more. It has no rules when it comes to violence, sex and other taboos where the West put restrictions. Oh but the Godfather of manga did copy from the West to start it all is why you see the characters look more Caucasian. Then you got the making of the short films. The first one is too nice man the textures are lifelike and sexy. Well the girl is. The ‘recapitulation’ of historic and current events, references to our nature/behaviour, myths and legends and epics and folklore and tradition thrown in all the films. Mixing 2D anime with 3D CG was kinda controversial back then, its pretty much mainstream now. And what? And much more!
8 – The Roots of the Matrix. Ok here you got the philosophy of the matrix. They’ve got philosophical analogies from Plato to Descartes to Socrates to Berkeley to Kant to Nietzsche to Baudrillard to Nozick to LaPlace to Hume to Schopenhauer and put it forward in a more digestible presentation. We all know each character is a metaphor or illusion in philosophy in math/science/physics/biology/IT and religion. See this is what I love about it… they mix science with spirituality. They throw ‘suggestions’ that make you ask yourself questions and they do it with a good dose of entertainment. Wow thought experiments, we normally do it ourselves as in ‘What if change the parameters of the world thus and so?’ Yo this goes deep. Mostly scholars/theorists/philosophers deconstructing the intellectual underpinnings of the trilogy. Make sense? They also get into cyberpunk, jazz mythology, Gnostic Christianity (in the first Matrix), Samsara in Buddhism. Ignorance is bliss and how we are so comfortable that we don’t wanna wake up (like Cypher). The Brothers slowly open your minds and the other two they go on rampage for your to come to your own conclusions about the riddles that don’t get solved. That rave scene in Reloaded one is apparently very Tantra. Upanishads are in there too, along with Advaita Vedanta (Hindu scriptures and philosophy in short). Matrix Reloaded is seen as The Old Testament reloaded i.e. The New Testament. My fav bit is where they say Reloaded is about love. Neo/The One forsakes all for Trinity. Ok Revolutions now, the lil Indian girl is meant to signify Sati (first wife of Shiva and stuff), lot of Taoism too. Examples of Taoism… Oracle in black and Architect in white (one unbalances the other balances respectively). So apart from the Oracles yin-yang earrings and her and Architect we see the Neo and Agent Smith yin-yang Revolutions is also meant to link with The Book of Revelations. Neo pilots the ship called Logos (meaning word), so he’s basically brining The Word to the people. Something about Jewish Cabala and Mysticism too. Wow that was all once section. The other bit is if the notion of the real Matrix is plausible. An investivagion of the technologies that inspire the metaphor of the Matrix Trilogy. Jesus man… have you guys ever had a chat in those rooms where you have avatars and backgrounds and all that? The way these guys put it, that it will be the avenue folks take to get to that virtual space in the Matrix. Nanobot seem to be another factor that will be in our bodies to help us switch off our senses to be able to get into the virtual space. I don’t want that! Ok so some bits are advantageous like the kid that learnt how to fly a plane with this simulator game but damn, I’m trying to be able to get away from the material world to check out the spiritual world not the virtual world. That like we’re already living a fake life and wanna escape it for an even faker world? Don’t know about you but I think we’re robotic enough as it is. E.g. When Meera and I got the puzzle Shorty mentioned something about ‘puzzles are for kids or old people’. Most folks already know I go against conventional methods so that was totally robotic right. Now picture yourself as a really complex machine (human body)… and you still wanna throw in some nanobots to ‘help’ you to lose even more freedom in the guise of getting freedom? Come on now! Ok that’s better, they go into emergence, feedback loops, bottom-up governance (something about a singular dumb um.. entity/unit cant do much but lots of dumb things together make something very intelligent e.g. ants). Evolution of technology, things like reverse compilers (optimised chips to play/run programs), evolutionary computation (chips designed by machines which discovered the most efficient system). See I’m not gonna start explaining each one so I’ll just list em… genetic programming, cellular automaton, parallel computation. Yooooo virtual creatures… didn’t know this is where I saw it before. This is wicked… basically say they have a creature that’s made of two blocks… then they’re given goals and these things would evolve to perform that particular task. Kinda like the programmers play God coz then they single out the survivors and move on from there. Google the Kismet robot (hope its online) coz that’s just the bomb about how they look to be nurtured and even bored with things and try make you aware of what they’re attention is on. Gotta get some sleep… lets just say too much extra info.
9 – The Burly Man Chronicles. Whoa that was a lot! This one profiles the ‘society’ of craftspeople, actors and filmmakers who devoted years to the movie trilogy and the Enter the Matrix console game. Starts of with random shots of behind the scenes ‘boring to the average viewer’ stuff. More of Mo-Cap stuff, zero-gravity shoots, constructing the freeway, PPM’s (Post-Production Meetings), precision drivers, bit of repetition humour, Agent Smith/Hugo in facial, facial expression and body capture, even made a mould of him from the nipples up. Carrie-Anne gets a butt mould for her seat too. Keanu getting worked up in the Burly Brawl, THE ZION TEMPLE CONSTRUCTION, 969 folks in the set for the Zion rave kinda scene after which they had their own after party. IF ANYONE COMES ACROSS THIS DANCE MOVIE CLIP PLEASE HOOK ME UP. All that was just the USA bit. The Australian one required over 140 sets. SETS!!! 7500 costumes, 1450 self covered buttons.
Now the shoots here were more than double of USA and to top that there was a 2nd Unit preparing to shoot for the same amount of days. R.I.P – Tragedy struck as Aliyah died in the plane crash (her cast was meant to be Zee). A fire station lost 11 guards too and something to do with a painting to raise money. Original Oracle dies after the first two and is recast. Stats: 582000 staples, 245 miles of wood, 2853 gallons of glue to construct Hel Night Club. 300000+ keys in the Keymakers den. When it comes to dates they show 11.01.01 twice, that don’t make sense, or does it to some? Remember the Agent Smith mould? That was for 60 masks for all them Agent Smiths you see in 2 & 3. For a lot of the cast and crew it was their first time they’ve reached ‘day 200’. Has a Follow the White Rabbit section. (Did I mention they had a lot of Alice in Wonderland references in the… um… first movie I think hehehe kinda lost track. White Rabbit bit seems to be more info about individual craftspeople that devoted so much. When watching Burly Man Chronicles a white/green rabbit would appear on screen and if you pressed the enter button it’d take you to these individual info clips.
PRE-PRODUCTION… Includes crew from the following – Storyboard, conceptual designer, art directors, preproduction, script supervisor, costume designer, production designer, construction supervisor, weapons coordinator.
ALAMEDA SHOOT… Rigmaster section is about – special effects coordinator, ronumentary????, oh Rondell (supervising stunt coordinator, a day in the life if Agent Johnson, Actor Anthony Zerbe.
AUSTRALIA SHOOT… Tribute to Aliyah, Gloria Foster and especially September 11th. World Champion Boxer Roy Jones Jr. tells us how it feels to play his first part in the movie. Mary Alice (Gloria’s replacement as the Oracle). Dessert of the Real is about the desserts the chef’s prepared and some really odd-looking dishes… did anyone notice that in the movies? Anyway it’s basically catering up-close. Makeup Department Head Peter Robb-King mostly on blinding and charring Keanu’s eyes for the scene. Upgrades is about the new improve agents.
Observation: Smith calls Neo Mr. Anderson. The Upgrades are Agent Thompson and Agent Jackson. If we go back a few lines you’ll remember the day in the life of Agent Johnson. Wonder if the common suffix have a reaSON. Actor Ian Bliss. Publicity shoot. A day in the life of Dr. Cornell West. Says, his writings influenced the Wachowski Brothers and they even had a part for him as Councillor West. And finally The End section mostly about crew being away from family and home so long, witnessing separations and so on. And as always… so much more.
10 – The Zion Archive. Starts with 30 storyboards, yeah right
storyboards! More like amazingly avid cartoon strips/comic book slide show. Loads of sketches and draft concepts for 18 character profiles. 13 Ships mostly in 3D and mostly have divine names which include the Hindu Holy Trinity. 11 Machine sketches and animation profiles. Enough sketches, photographs and animations for 51 Sets. Media of all three movies… theatrical trailers, teaser trailers, TV spots, music videos. Rave Reel… Animated music video to a Indian trance track. Coz the animations were not in their final form (most of the time) I’ll just call it half-rendered custom edited animated music vid. How do I begin to explain The Matrix Online… you know how they pushed limits with the movies… well you’ll see the game is kinda like that, visit www.thematrixonline.com… they advise to let friends and family know that you shall not be available for some time (its that addictive). Shall check it out and let you know… if I return hehehe. And (not so much) more.
Summary – First of all imagine what the props people had to go through to replace statues, pillars, cars, etc. To help your imagination, picture the amounts of takes in the fight scenes, especially the takes with Keanu. The casting itself is so deeply researched/symbolic e.g. Persephone is originally Zeus and Dimiter’s daughter who was kidnapped by some demon dude (Merovingian). Hell the trilogy is totally symbolic, I’m hoping my bro finds the fwd explaining the numbers, characters etc. Spiritual too. I mean damn these Wachowski Bros. have so much exposure and knowledge about myths, legends, philosophy, culture, religion, etc and then some. These guys have pushed nearly every component of movie making to the next level. With the first Matrix it was the Bullet Time thing that they invented. Then everyone copied it. Story-wise they merged action movies with mind fu€k movies. On the animation side their movie pushed animators to animate humans and make them look real, plus coz of extra budget some animators got to try different techniques that worked perfectly. Props learnt a thing or two, one I mentioned earlier. Sound got to experiment dangerously with their microphones. Through out it all these directing siblings always referred to the trilogy as one movie. So basically this one movie broke a whole lot of new ground. Note: Don’t know if merging action and brain/idea movies is too good an idea coz you’re too engrossed either in the violence or figuring the damn thing that you don’t really get to appreciate all the other details they put so much thought into. Personal Note: I’ve felt this trilogy and of course Lord of the Rings have a very spiritual foundation to it concerning enlightenment especially with Neo. Then again I think everything has its roots in spirituality to help branch out to The Light. PHEW… So there you have it, a 2-week challenge reviewing, the Matrix Easter-egg, hopefully it is welcomed and valued. Jai Gurudev.
This guy is just oozing creativity… well he’s dead now but will live on through his work especially in the gay scene. He was a painter, theatre designer, author, film-maker, set designer, costume designer, production designer, AIDS activist, and a Saint… But we’ll get to Saint bit in a bit. The book is his autobiography, and not only about him but the social lives and differences of what he calls heterosoc and of course homosexuals. It also includes a lot of articles from the media and how they blow everything out of proportion (as always). Basically each chapter is a decade and each decade is made clear with a montage of articles, states or minds in that time and his own look and experience on it. What I really loved about his writing style (and try to do the same in my stuff) was the blatancy and rawness but at the same time keep the mood light or not too overwhelming, no matter how outrageous and offensive it may seem.
After 2 years I got round to breaking this one open. The book includes an audio CD and is really meant to be spoken word poetry. Just listening to her voice took me back to the first time I heard spoken word poetry back in the day. Think it was A Different World sitcom… anyway Imani took me back. The way she did it was perfect. So the CD had some tracks that are in the book, the first track Inspiration is the best. It’s been putting me to sleep every night, I think mostly coz it’s got a beat to it so the flow is much more smoother than just normal spoken word poetry. Some of her work has signs of India.Arie, Floetry and another soul artist. Oh and as usual artist add a little imperfections naturally so make their work perfect and her pretending to be ignorant of men’s egos and human nature sprinkle just the right amount of ignorance to give you some drama and let you know she’s as human and everyone else. Note: Love the photography on the back of her CD so kudos to the designer that hooked that up. I’ve been so inspired I’m gonna finish the new ending for poem I never got to share with mom. Big up Taz for the book and CD. My bad for taking so long lol.