The Ultimate Book About Love, Sex, and Relationships for You – and the Man You Love
It’s a book for women to give their men, something both sides can learn a little something and improve their relationship etc. It had some good reminders. Warning… lots of etceteras ahead.
I get straight to the summary:
- Women put love first so when women say I’ve been thinking about you and you know doing and saying the things men see as clingy… it’s just that they want to show the men their feelings and not being needy. Like when the man is busy at the office and she’s waiting at home (how typical) she is worried about him but does not want to disturb him, so much is going on in her mind also the notion about cheating so when the man comes home she’ll say she was worried or ask why he didn’t call etc. This is where the man should not be upset because he feels like he has to report his presence and treated like a suspicious character etc. He should acknowledge that this is her way of show love, worry etc.
- Women are always in their love room. Men can go in the love room when other rooms are sorted. And even if women are not in the love room they can drop everything and go their in a jiffy, not so for men. So say a couple had an amazing holiday together and now it’s time to go home. The man is out of his love room and in his navigation room, planning room, etc rooms. This is where the woman will feel some change in the connection. We’ve all been there. Woman and men spend a bunch of time together and still after all that she wants more and he either laughs it off or shows his frustration about her clingy/needy-ness. Again men just need to acknowledge it and women need to understand mens rooms.
- Another thing about rooms is that men don’t feel the need to share the other rooms with their partners. Reasons could be she wont understand, it’s not important, it wouldn’t be manly etc.
- Women create. From warm inviting homes to creative with make up, dressing up, food prep and also negative things like drama and imaginary situations. Now the two ways women create are manifest where they make new things, or recreate themselves etc or they improve so their creative energy goes into making things better.
- Funny line: At some point in the book Barbara tells the men to simply ask ‘What is the matter’ ‘What’s wrong’. Just found that entertaining.
- She gets into the history of how men used to protect the family and the woman did not know if he’d stick around or get a pregnant and leave etc. Things about primitive brain conditioning. So to men showing love is providing and protecting and they think thats it.
- Women’s 3 secret and very important needs are feeling safe, connected and valued. And women need to chill out on overdoing it. Barbara mentioned making the same mistake again and again where she made plans for a holiday. Flights sorted, activities sorted, everything sorted and her man reacted with something along the lines of you just want to keep tabs on me or suffocation, smothering. Again clingy/needy stuff. But she did all that because she wants to doing things together, make the bond strong and all she wants is to feel safe, valued and connected.
- Relationships, to women, are like babies. You have to nurture them constantly. Men know all the details about cars and sports and women would like men to put that much love and energy into them too. So give them the 3 A’s (the love diet). Attention, affection and appreciation. And give her love snacks too like a call to say I miss you, a kiss on the cheek, etc. Small things like thanks for dinner. So another thing men should do every night is say thanks for something. Barbara calls this the gratitude snack.
- Women like and enjoy making plans and wants the 3 A’s for her effort.
- Communication. When a woman says something the man thinks it’s something for him to do. She’ll say I want to do so and so and he’ll ask ‘why, is there a problem?’. Men should flip the script so they understand. Example – When a man says he wants sex and the woman would ask ‘why, do you want to make a baby?’
- Lots of usual stuff about what woman say and what it could mean while what men say is exactly what it means. One likes talking one likes being concise etc. Men are goal oriented, etc.
- Over to sex. So women need head and heart foreplay. Emotional foreplay. Hugging, hand holding, cuddling. Basically women need a lot of warming up. Then they need relaxed and free from distraction. So while a man only focuses on the ‘room’ he’s currently in, a woman is in the whole house. Barbara says foreplay starts hours or maybe weeks before ‘lovemaking’. Lol there’s talk about a method Barbara calls checking the roast where guys with try get the woman excited and check when she’s lubricated enough for him to jump in. She talks clitoral alignment technique… and there you go.
Ok so all the above is all well and good but I got to let out a little secret, there are things in this book men already know and don’t do it for a reason. All you get is one example – When a man does not talk much to his woman he’s just got things going on with him, it’s not that he’s upset with her or the silent treatment or anything like that. But a woman will see this as there is something wrong. So when when a woman is upset with a man she will give him the silent treatment thinking it’s punishment for him because she feels it is. Well guess what? Men sometimes disturb women on purpose to get the silent treatment.
As for my thoughts on the book… I’ve read better, more informative, more practical and much more positive books. The best so far is Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. I don’t know when she wrote this book but it sounds primitive and the whole sex chapter… from my experience maybe 1 out of 10 women need that much warming up or they’re just always warmed up around me. I’m not laughing! Ok just a little bit. Anyway I think the vids on my post called ‘IMPORTANT: Men and Women Differences‘ are way better.
- A Message to Women
- A Message to Men
Part I – What Women Want Men to Know About Us
1 Women Put Love First
2 Women Are Creators
3 Women Have a Sacred Relationship with Time
4 Women Need to Feel Safe
5 Women Need to Feel Connected
6 Women Need to Feel Valued
7 Seven Myths Men Believe About Women and Why They Are Absolutely Wrong
Part II – What Women Want Men to Know About Love, Intimacy, and Communication
8 How to Avoid Turning a Perfectly Sane Woman into a Raving Maniac
9 How to Be the Perfect Lover Outside of the Bedroom
10 Five Secrets About How Women Communicate
11 The Top Ten Male Communication Habits That Drive Women Crazy
12 What Women Hate to Hear Men Say and What Women Love to Hear Men Say
Part III – What Women Want Men to Know About Sex
13 Sexual Secrets About Women
14 Women’s Top Twenty Sexual Turnoffs
15 Women’s Top Twenty Sexual Turn-Ons
- Contact Information