Remember the Count of Monte Cristo movie? I mentioned a lot of symbolism dealing with ‘entering manhood’ and how the boy in one must die. In this case I was reflecting how moms passing away catalysed so much of the process. Its like being a mama’s boy you always know in the end no matter what drama you come across you can always run for cover. In my case once I came here it was a weekly call. Worst comes to worst in the back of my head I’d be like I can always go back to Mama’s house.

Not anymore… at first it felt like I cant go nowhere now that moms not around. After lots and lots of meditation it hit me that I don’t need to go nowhere… I take that house with me wherever I go… that’s when the boy died. You don’t have to stop the silliness being playful… you just gotta welcome more maturity and goodbye to being a lil Beatrice. And if you look back lots of tribes and cultures had some kinda initiation for the boy to do just that. You know… as you grow you need the father to show you courage and the mother to provide the sense of well-being. When they’re not there or you grow you gotta do it yourself.

Ok lost my thoughts… Oh yeah… so I realized… I’d had the courage side from way back but lacked the motivation… as in just laziness. And I realized that the lazy side was not well-being… so I got into… exercise, eat right, reflect and see where I was in back then and where I am now. Basically things moms nag you about doing or make you do. You guys just have to try it coz soon as you get that sense of well-being you’re like ok I’m kinda extra well, which is where the courage gets kicked into action. Things you’ve wanted to do… but a ‘but’ or ‘if’ or ‘don’t know/not sure’ kicks in? Something’s stopping you? You think yeah since something’s stopping me it’s not for me. Hell NAW!!!! Unless, of course, it goes against your morals or brings harm to anyone. Gotta use the grey matter to figure those bits right.

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Before this gets too long I just wanna say that I’m gonna try match up/catch up to Mathe’s legacy… a woman that went through more than anyone I know or will ever know and still managed to get more done than anyone else I know or will ever know. She did so much, she hardly talked about the ‘hard times she went through’ or used bad language… always did stuff for others and when they’d talk to her about her pains and things she’d find ways to change the subject. Oh and she did it all with jokes and silliness. Since I was blessed with be best role model, I’mma do my best to follow her footsteps. Kinda rhymes. Note: Got so much more on all this but since thoughts jump randomly I think this is enough.

The Juggernaut Phase
After realising I was more of a thinker than a doer I dedicated June to October (Dates of my mothers birth and death) to me doing more and thinking or reading up on things between October to June. That was in 2007. As I pushed my boundaries I switched the Juggernaut phase (the doing phase) to the longer period. I feel thinkers and doers both have their place and teaming up with someone to match this would be really beneficial but if you are a thinker who wants to do more, you can try this. As my blog shows, I love reading and summarising books and courses but the need to put it into practice is important too. I found that joining groups help a lot with the doing part.

This is the the video that helped me the most to Individuate – Deep Inner Game – Understanding Boundaries, Politics, Ethics, Forgiveness & Individuation