How to Get Your Anger Under Control with Dr. Chip Tafrate – Podcast Summary

Anger is the forgotten emotion.

Anger and aggression are different. Anger is internal, aggression is action and can be done just for survival without getting angry. Most people get angry regularly but will not have the response of aggression.

Anger in different parts of the spectrum can also be helpful, give you passion and other good things.

Anger may have it’s place but ask yourself what good came out of it when you got angry to live a better life.

Get off auto-pilot when getting angry. Ask where it’s taking you and what solutions and strategies you can put in place to drive it.

Beware of advice from the wrong people like unqualified life coaches, especially when it comes to venting. What you repeat in practice becomes more permanent in your lives. You may feel good in the moment but it you will not learn to improve yourself in similar situations.

Avoid fuzzy philosophical conversations, endless complaining or victimhood.

Anger emerges in a predictable sequence so examine it. Paras note: Use my excel sheet below with date, trigger, expression, intensity, duration, frequency/last incident, language, solutions. You can ask what autopilot behaviour happened and what was the outcome. Then you can find the right strategies and techniques to get the different variables in control.

Get your copy of the anger tracker here

How to Manage Your Anger with a Tracker – Understand Your Triggers, Patterns and Solutions

Angry people usually have multiple life problems and/or not taking care of themselves. Think of it like if there is dry material around the house then there is a bigger likelihood of the fires being wilder than they need to be. Look at lifestyle from lack of sleep, alcohol use, etc. Substance abuse is a big one. (Paras note: So is coffee! Caffeine also increases anxiety which is connected to anger or getting triggered. We are told to stop all these kinds of stimulants when we go into our spiritual courses as they are tamasik and not useful for what we will be getting into spiritually. This doesn’t mean they’re bad, they are just useful for specific times and situations.)

Anger is equal opportunity and gender is not a variable. Men just end up creating a bigger destruction because of strength.

You don’t need to confront every injustice. Let go of the small things.

Things that get worse over time need to be addressed.

Limit contact with toxic people or use a thoughtful email so you don’t have to respond in the moment. (Paras note: I make notes, dump all that I can and then slowly sculpt it into a precise sword that only cuts the bits I need it to cut. A lot of the times after all the sculpting I don’t even need to use it and either store it as a masterpiece or destroy it after thanking it for helping me.)

What are you saying to yourself when you get triggered. Try writing what your rule book would look like if you had to explain to an alien on how to get angry. You rules could be things like – jump to conclusions with others actions and behaviours, get emotionally shook by what clothes they wear and what food they put on their plate, people need to act the way I want them to, treat every trivial challenge as a big life setback, etc.

Stop AWFULISING. Everything doesn’t suck or is not there to ruin your life.

If you are someone who likes to look for injustices, you can practice forgiveness in everyday situations. (Paras note: Or find better things like helping the planet and take action on those things.)

Someone cuts you off, wish them well and carry on enjoying your drive.

If you look for malicious intent towards you, look for the good intention instead. They must care about you so they’re doing something that doesn’t make sense at the moment.

Exposure therapy/practice: Like watching a scary movie 10 times to get desensitised to it. Spend some time thinking about anger triggering situations and practice breathing or mindsets after. Transfer it to real life so you can put it into live practice.