Dr. Gabor Maté Interview | The Tim Ferriss Show

Summary:
– Stuff happens to us as a child, we create defences from it, and then we don’t live authentic lives as we’re living from that defensive state. The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self

– Sensitive and creative people are so sensitive that they get into drugs to escape from that sensitivity.

– High performers are deeply disturbed inside. Which is why they are ‘performers’.

– Addiction is a behaviour someone enjoys, gets relief in and craves in the short-term but gets negative consequences in the long term. Inability to give it up could be any kind of addiction not just drugs. These things give you the relief that you want or need.

– If you can’t escape, fight back or seek help you end up tuning out. The child develops this defence. Getting depressed, ADHD, all these defences are coping mechanisms.

All these issues are somehow linked to adult-child relationships and development.

– Social and physical environments that threaten human development (because of scarcity, stress, or instability) can lead to short-term physiologic and psychological adjustments that are necessary for immediate survival and adaptation, but which may come at a significant cost to long-term outcomes in learning, behaviour, health, and longevity.

– Stressed mothers have more cortisol in their placenta. A connection to why adopted kids have more problems.

– The basic architecture of the brain is constructed through an ongoing process that begins before birth and continues into adulthood. Early experiences affect the quality of that architecture by establishing either a sturdy or a fragile foundation for all of the learning, health and behavior that follow.

– The interactions of genes and experiences literally shapes the circuitry of the developing brain and is critically influenced by the mutual responsiveness of adult-child relationships particularly in early childhood years. (Basically quality of parent child relationships critically shape the brain.)

– We’re dealing with effects not the causes. So if you’re an addict ask what it is healing, what does it do for the person. If it numbs a pain, where did the pain come from.

– Most aggressive people came from abusive or stressed homes. The least aggressive came from nurturing homes. If you were brought up peaceful you would be peaceful but the aggression is a defence of being sensitive. High alert required. So things like addiction are not a genetic disease.

Take The Free ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) Quiz — And Learn What It Does And Doesn’t Mean

– Obesity is a pain of childhood trauma and they’re just stuffing down their pain. Numerous countries all have the same results and it’s becoming a bigger problem with modern issues and insecurities.

– Think of the addiction as the stupid friend: Thank the addiction. Instead of condemning the problem as in WHY DID I DO THIS! Come from curiosity … hmmm, why did I do this? Then thank it and love it. Thank you stupid friend you helped when I needed it but my growth game is strong.

– Peoples behaviours, external effects are traumatic but the trauma is what is happening inside you. You get disconnected from your emotions, you get disconnected from your body, difficulty being in the present moment, a negative view of the world, a negative view of yourself, and a defensive view of other people. They keep showing up in the present. The stupid friends.

– People shut down because we have to connect and attach. The body releases chemicals which the drugs help us release when we don’t get it. Heroine feels like a warm soft hug. Attachment is a non-negotiable need. Another is authenticity, gut feelings. Our gut feelings don’t work when we’re not connected or have trauma. Your authenticity is suppressed if it’s at threat. You’d rather have love from your parents than their anger.

– Elvis is known to sing love songs but it’s songs about the loss of love. The need of love. Love me and I’ll be anything you want.

– The more African-American women experience racism the more they have asthma. Inhalers contain adrenaline or cortisol. So their bodies have exhausted these stress chemicals.

– Exercise with Tim about when he was upset with someone. Disappointed? What happened? Sad. Go with the raw emotions. What happened was that they didn’t make their commitments. But what was the internal state. So internally Tim didn’t felt cared about or respect. Tim is someone who doesn’t deserve to be cared for and respected. Next why are the reasons said thing didn’t happen. Million reasons.
1 – So we don’t respond to what happens, we respond to our perception of what happens.
2 – Of all the interpretations we choose the worst one.
3 – We don’t purposely choose it but the brain jumps to the worst one automatically.
And this is something that keeps repeating and has happened before. It goes way back and we respond to the past. Assume you’re most worthy, what would your response be? So you learned that only you don’t think you’re not worthy. If you see you are the source you are the one in power.

Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They are actually yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. The part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. You are not going in the right direction unless there is something pricking you in the side, telling you, “Look here! This way!” That part of you loves you so much that it doesn’t want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, it will make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose. A.H. Almaas

Solutions:
– Recover by reconnecting with yourself

– First figure out if it was bad things happened that shouldn’t have or if it was good things that should have happened didn’t happen. Were the parents to stressed or busy to give you the love or time you needed?

– Reconnect with the body too. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma – Peter A. Levine

– EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing)

– EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques/Tapping)

– Sensory integration therapy.

– Yoga (Isha Foundation Inner Engineering)

– Psychedelics, Ayahuasca, MDMA, Psilocybin. Lots of research on the speed of healing in these methods. People say years of work done by a session or so of psychedelics. Founder of AA designed it after psilocybin and they don’t talk about that part or the trauma part now. By very careful of exploiters when trying ayahuasca. (Breaks down procedure of taking ayahuasca to get the best out of it and what one is seeking).

When the Body Says No — Caring for ourselves while caring for others. Dr. Gabor Maté

Summary:
– Who gets sick is not accidental. They are not mysterious and unexplainable. They are not random and people bring it on themselves in ways they don’t understand.

– Chromosomes have telomeres at the ends to keep it from fraying like shoelaces. They get shorter. Mothers taking care of kids with chronic illness had 10 years shorter telomeres. So how we give care and the support we get are important.

– Examples from obituaries like how one persons wives had the same illnesses. People never stopped their duties until before they died so while they were sick they still carried on instead of pausing for the cause. Someone else just blended in and didn’t fight so she suppressed and repressed her anger and emotions which made her explode in ways. Note that the wrong kind of expression is rage which is not healthy either.

– 1700 women looked over 10 year period. The ones who suppressed their feelings were 4 times more likely to die early. Reassurance to a man that the next time the husband thinks his wife is a bitch he should be happy about it.

– Another obituary of a women who juggled so much and was part of so many activities and roles which were more important than who she was. Physician who dies of cancer because the person was being the ideal son, husband, human to others. Responsible to others and never letting others down because of pleasing everybody else.

– Nobody is asking you about your personal life, choices, relationship etc to see what contributed to your chronic illnesses. They just treat the symptoms, separate people from the environment. Kids with parents who have stress have more asthma. See above about inhalers. In the short term stress hormones help you but in long term they give you all kinds of issues like high blood pressure, etc.

When someone comes to you and says ‘hey buddy, do you want to talk about it?’. It relieves you so much that the stress hormones stop releasing and you heal/recover faster.

– People who pretend that nothing happens to them, act like it’s nothing when people point out their health or keeps going on. They have specific sicknesses like ALS. It’s typical for people with ALS.

– Our brains are wired for attachment. So when we don’t get it as kids we cry. They are all connected by the nervous system to the brain, spleen, heart, immune cells and everything. Chemical messengers are sent from immune cells to the brain and another one is brain-gut connection. So when you’re not connected you don’t have that ‘gut feeling’. Children react to gut feelings. They are intact and connected in childhood but to survive they had to suppress them.

– Attachment is more important and the next is the need for authenticity. So when you have to suppress your authenticity to be able to get attachment from your caregivers is what makes us sick.

– The heart-brain connection is the 4th connection.

– When you suppress anger the body goes against itself. Chronic illness is when the body says no because you don’t know how to say no. It’s not your fault but you do need to learn who you are and the ability to say no and assert yourself instead of getting angry. When people around you are used to you saying yes and you start saying no you will learn who your true friends are.

– So many comedians are very troubled people because that is their reflex to healing and protection.

– Care givers need to be kind to themselves too.

– People with addictions have family members with some kind of illness.

– Bulimia is a form of addiction. Build up of tension and then sudden relief.

– Only one story in all of this. Treat kids unwell and they’ll have illnesses and addictions.

– Anorexia is an attempt to be in control of something. When your life is out of control you get to be in charge. Relationships with caregivers is the important cause. Self-suppression on the part of the daughter.

– Constantly getting into accidents is not accidental. Ignoring risk, unaware of the environment, etc. That is not the stress. The stress is not being able to express that someone was treating you wrong (abuse), no support, etc. Long-term stress because of suppression.

– It takes a lot to live a healthy life. So people who are discouraged need to be listened to.

– Many of these issues are reversible. It takes time and effort but it’s a commitment.

In what area of your life are you not saying NO?