The Importance of Self-Parenting or Reparenting – Personal Growth & Correcting Wrong Conditioning

Summary:
– There is no perfect way of parenting.

– Your inner parent is always talking to your inner child.

​- The left brain is the parent and the right brain is the child.

– Your view of the worlds as a child would be through the eyes of the people you look up to.

– Negative parenting would not help you have a good view of self.

– The courage and confidence scale. Deeper Inner Game with Dr. Paul Dobransky

– Talk to yourself how you’d talk to your family over dinner in a healthy family. – Eat Less, Do More

– Balancing your limits on both sides of the scale. – The Boy Must Die – My Juggernaut Phase

– Think of yourself as your own child that you really love.

The Importance of Self-Parenting or Reparenting – Forgive Toxic Parenting and Heal Childhood Trauma

Summary:
– Trauma comes either from things that happened that should not have happened or things that should have happened but didn’t happen.

– Take The ACE Quiz — And Learn What It Does And Doesn’t Mean

– The more hurt people try to hurt people the more they think they’ll heal. The person that hurt you may not even acknowledge that they hurt you or realise they did.

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Remember:
1 – See that they haven’t healed and their bleeding on you and hurting you will make the vicious cycle go on.
2 – Let go of vindication or getting closure from their side and you’ll get back your power.
3 – You can stay stuck in the age you got least love or hurt most.

The writing exercise:
1 – What they did to you.

2 – What you didn’t see about their actions and words.

3 – Their apology.

4 – Your forgiveness and maybe your apology. (See more on Forgiveness here)

– Remember holding on to the past will not make it go away.

– Please come back in a few months to find more info on healing childhood trauma with Gabor Mate

– All CBT Cognitive Therapy Techniques, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Trauma, Psychosis with Summary

– I highly recommend reading this summary – The Drama of the Gifted Child – The Search for the True Self by Alice Miller

12 Steps to Self-Parenting with Patricia O’Gorman Ph.D

Summary:
1 – You are powerless to change your past. This step is about getting back to loving yourself. No matter what happened, no matter how helpless you felt you get to tell yourself look I made mistakes, others made mistakes. Now I can move on.

2 – Overcoming abandonment. You are never really alone and there are other people you can connect to. There will always be something on the same path or who has overcome the obstacles that you have to face. Here you can have your higher parent that could be a divine force through religion or observing nature.

3 – Let go of self-reliance. As an abandoned or neglected kid you’ll have the feeling that you need to climb mountains alone. You can now let people in. You don’t have to test the heck out of everyone.

4 – Make honest assessments of your strengths and weaknesses and accept the impact your childhood has on you as an adult. Look at the character defects and what are you defending. You are no longer a victim. You’ve outgrown the victim shoes so you can get new ones or don’t need to use these everyday. Reduce the personal problems you are projecting onto others.

5 – Learn to deal with parenting issues without feelings of self-recrimination or shame. No point beating yourself up for what you couldn’t do. Now you can do better. You may have family members that take you back in the past but that is for them to deal with. The people who are trying to make you feel bad have their own issues and are not smarter than you are.

6 – Don’t wait for the perfect conditions. (Paras note: I remember someone saying start no matter what and then work on make it perfect gradually.) Slow and steady. Each step doesn’t have to be done perfectly. Take a deep breath and to step towards courage.

7 – Learn to embrace your uniqueness and connectedness in the spirit of love and humility. You are unique and special… just like everyone. (Paras note: Art of Living calls it harmony in diversity). We are overwhelmed with our greatest pain but that is ok, see the crisis as opportunity.

8 – Learn self-forgiveness and making amends to the inner child. Forgive yourself, you were not a stupid kid. You were just a kid! It’s hard to blame the people you look up to and love so it’s easier to blame yourself. (See more on Forgiveness here)

9 – Heal inner child by self-parenting. Leave shame behind in your daily living. Don’t recreate bad parenting in your head. It’s ok to be wrong or make mistakes.

10 – Practice daily self acceptance and learn to live in the present. The only time you have is now and that is what you need to take care of. When you’re constantly going over the past traumas, hold you inner child and bring them to the priorities of the present.

11 – Allow the divine and just allow it to do what it needs to do.

12 – Have a spiritual awakening and reach out to others in the spirit of giving love and sense of community. (Paras note: From personal experience, the more I helped people with the same wounds I had, the faster I healed mine.)

If you feel like you need professional help or to dig deeper into healing this link may help – WHAT IS A PERSONALITY DISORDER? UNDERSTANDING THE MAIN TYPES, CAUSES & TREATMENTS AVAILABLE​

Important message to parents. Love your kids for who THEY ARE.
Less … I want you to be like this, look like that and act like the other &
More … I love you for who you are, I want to help you love who you are, I want to help you be the best you you can be.

My Thoughts on Forgiveness